Ghastlies (2016)

Horror /
2.4/10

Ghastlies Storyline

Four sorority sisters accidentally unleash a trio of ghastly ghouls from an underground bunker during a weekend getaway in the country.

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Ghastlies Movie Reviews

Sorority sisters…

Or their mothers lol. Those “girls” looked old enough to be the mothers. Casting was horrible acting was bad sound was bad…scenery was nice.

Abysmal to say the least…

Yeah, well I was expecting the 2016 movie “Ghastlies” to be a bad movie. But still I opted to sit down and watch it, hoping that it would turn out to be one of those movies so bad that they are actually fun to watch.

But that was not the case with “Ghastlies” from writer Chris Bavota and director Brett Kelly. No, “Ghastlies” was just plain and simple bad.

It felt very much like a do-it-yourself movie project found at some sketchy webpage. The writing was very simplistic, which made for a rather plain, if not actually boring, storyline. So don’t expect a grand masterpiece of cinematic history here.

“Ghastlies” is labeled as a horror movie. Yeah, well I a not even going to open that can of worms.

And of course the creatures in the movie have to be mentioned. Puppets and teddy bears. And they weren’t even trying to make them look like they weren’t exactly just that. So it was very difficult to take it serious.

The acting in the movie was as to be expected; dubious at best. Again, when sitting down to watch a movie like “Ghastlies”, of course you are not expecting award-winning performances. Needless to say that I wasn’t familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list here.

Visually then “Ghastlies” was just ridiculous. The special effects were so low budget and offkey that it was painful to witness.

All in all, “Ghastlies” is not a movie that I would recommend you waste your time, money or effort upon. There are far better low budget horror movies out there. I am rating the 2016 movie “Ghastlies” a mere two out of ten stars.

Don’t Expect Anything Good

They make it look like Critters with their poster and the trailer looked fun but this is actually a terrible movie. For one thing the puppets look cheap and terrible and don’t even move. They’re just plastic toys that get held up once in a while. That’s another thing is that they are almost never shown, only when they do they suck.

Also the only sound they make is a chipmunk like laugh and by that I mean one laugh, the same laugh every single time they actually are on screen. All three of them make the exactly same annoying laugh. Sometimes the shot stays on them for a while and they laugh 4 or 5 times in a row and it’s just that one same laugh played again and again. Like they are proud of how annoying they can be.

The scenes are far too long and it is excruciating trying to sit through. There are no effects to speak of other than some fake blood thrown against a tree a couple of times. The props were bought at Dollarama and I for sure recognized the fake hand they use and also the plastic police badges the two cops use from there. The cops also have their clothes and bike helmets from home. Everything about this looks cheap and unimpressive and it’s so tedious you can’t even enjoy it as the kind of bad movie you can laugh at.

The writing is basically a story that could be told in three minutes stretched out to 70 minutes that feels like 3 hours. There is one scene that is literally a woman doing aerobics for 10 minutes while her boyfriend peaks in through the bedroom door and makes pervert expressions for no apparent reason. There are characters that have no point and entire scenes that have no point. The ending makes no sense at all. There’s a cult at the beginning that has nothing to do with anything and is never brought up or seen again.

The movie is set in the 1980’s but has a lot of modern stuff in it that I guess they could just not be bothered to leave out. Nothing about this movie is good or makes sense at all.

Aside from the two main female characters the acting is below zero. The two bike cops and the pizza delivery guy are particularly awful. Not sure why any of them are walking around in the woods for no reason anyway but that seems to be the whole point of this movie. I assume they exist to add more run time to the movie like every other pointless scene that drags on forever, and also as some kind of comic relief because they are trying so desperately hard (and failing) to be funny.

This movie should be fun to at least laugh at but it’s just terrible. I feel bad for the actors and crew who spent time making this because there’s no way anybody got paid for this thing.

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