Never Been Chris’d (2023)

• Year: 2023
• Released: 04 Nov 2023
• Country: Canada
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt29258217/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/never_been_chrisd
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p, 1080p
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: TV-G
• Genre: Comedy, Romance
• Runtime: min
• Writer: Joie Botkin
• Director: Jeff Beesley
• Cast: Tyler Hynes, Henriette Ivanans, Samantha Kendrick
• Keywords: holiday, christmas,

5.5/10

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Never Been Chris’d Movie Reviews

Tyler Hynes is smooth as always, but the female characters were problematic

The premise of two best friends who are attracted to the same man seemed like it might be interesting, but there were too many awkward and cringey moments, especially in the first half of this movie. The two smart, accomplished, attractive 35 year old women were repeatedly made to look like silly middle school girls whenever their old crush showed up (while he was as smooth as silk). It was insulting.

There was also not enough time to properly address the many competing plot issues (planning the next phase of the Best Pal app, parental abandonment, parental death, stressful family visits, setting boundaries with parents, learning not to live in the past, overcoming past insecurities, being honest with others, reassessing career goals, redefining the BFFs’ friendship, and their old crush triangle). And romance really wasn’t at the heart of this movie. It was more about the extraordinarily deep friendship between Liz and Naomi and whether and how that would change.

On a more positive note, even though Hallmark movies are always predictable, I was surprised by who ended up with whom (I thought “the other one” had more chemistry). Heck, I even wondered if the two women were going to realize they were in love with each other and move in together (although one of the main themes of the movie involved them becoming less co-dependent).

Tyler Hynes is one of the most likeable actors on the Hallmark roster and he’s usually given roles that play to his strengths. Here, he’s effortlessly charming playing Chris Silver, an ex-Marine, with a Master’s in Literature, who teaches English at his hometown high school; the same school where he was the hockey team captain, school President, and Jingle Ball King. The girls who were lucky enough to date him were said to have been “Chris’d”, hence the groan inducing title of this movie. And yet despite all his accomplishments, including his service to our country, he feels as if he hadn’t amounted to much (I did wonder why he was in Westin).

Naomi, played by Janel Parrish and Liz, played by Pascal Lamothe-Kipnes (a talented and intriguing actress who is new to me) were and are best friends who never “fit in” back in high school. But 17 years later, they’re featured on the covers of magazines and in the Wall Street Journal after developing an app to find friends called “Best Pal.” They’re so joined at the hip that they own side by side condos somewhere near Silicon Valley in Northern California.

Liz and Naomi return home to visit their mothers and basked in the adulation of “the popular group” that previously excluded them. It’s difficult to envision how that group had been the most popular but their yearbook photos are effectively juxtaposed with their current appearances. Neither Naomi, Liz, or Chris are married or dating. There are no pesky ex spouses and no exes whatsoever to deal with. And no one’s dating history is mentioned. Everyone is basically a clean slate. No baggage despite being 35. Chris has been all over the world but, for reasons never discussed, and without any mention of any local family members, or other deep ties to the area, he returns to a tiny town called “Weston”. Why?

It’s also not clear where Weston is located. Although Liz and Naomi went to Iowa State, and there is a “Weston” in Iowa, that Weston only has 138 people. And yet one (or both) of the two successful Silicon Valley entrepreneurs are encouraged to move back to that tiny town. The only parts of Weston we see are the insides of homes, the high school, a couple of shops, and the only bar in town. Usually, when Hallmark trots out the “Big City bad, Small Town good” trope, there’s at least an attempt to make the small town charming and appealing. I didn’t see anything that would make Weston an appealing place to live.

I did get a chuckle at the name of a local cafe. “Pretty Baked” is slang for being very high on pot.

The storyline involving the family Christmas card that excluded Liz was ridiculous. It’s 2023. You can literally create photo cards in a day. Or you can skip the photo and go with a holiday design.

I also didn’t get the vegan/pescatarian lines or the mom who was packing to move to a new home she hadn’t even picked out.

This was written by Joie Botkin who wrote the far better “3 Bed, 2 Bath, 1 Ghost” and “Her Pen Pal” (one of my favorite Hallmark movies). There were some good scenes, but the infantalizing of two successful 35 year old women really annoyed me. And I really think they had more chemistry with each other than with Chris.

A disappointment

I’m sorry, but this felt as if it had been written by a group 16 year olds who couldn’t agree on which direction the plot should take. Normally I’d rate anything with Tyler Hynes in it a 9 or 10, but this just was not a fitting vehicle for his talent. His part could have been played by anyone. What a waste of talent. The movie itself was slow, rambling and muddled and not worth the watch for me – though I did watch till the end hoping there’d be some redeeming quality, some epiphany or…something. The characters were lukewarm at best and unlikeable at the worst – not enough interest in any of them to care what happened. Guess I expect Hallmark to raise the bar for Christmas but not this time.

Disappointing

I Was kinda hoping with new actresses this would have an updated plot, and it does but it’s terrible. I don’t know why a hallmark Christmas movie would have a guy come between close friends, then have him chose the one with who he had no chemistry. Maybe it was a casting issue, (but the new actress pascall is good! ) I do enjoy a nod To high school but this was just frustrating and depressing and I’m just of the feeling that hallmark Christmas movies should be feel good, happy movies. This was Just not uplifting or fun to watch, so unless you like being disappointed avoid this one. But hoping we see the new actress again.