The Poltergeist of Borley Forest (2013)

Horror, Mystery, Thriller /
2.5/10

The Poltergeist of Borley Forest Storyline

After visiting a supposedly haunted forest, a teen girl comes to believe that a violent poltergeist has followed her home and is stalking her and so with her brother and friends, sets out on a mission to unravel its mystery and stop it before it harms someone.

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The Poltergeist of Borley Forest Movie Reviews

THIS WAS THE WORSE DAY EVER

Paige (Marina Petrano) parties in Borely Forest and gets a poltergeist attached to her. It is a bit annoying, like her acting, but then things get worse as she looks for solutions.

This is another low budget film with the name “poltergeist” in the title. To cover all the bases the forest was home to a Satanic cult, Civil War battle, and Indian burial ground and that slasher thing. Marina Petrano reminds me a of Lindsey Lohan. Paige has friends who help her, a brother, a semi-love interest, and parents who keep her grounded.

The production suffered from low budgetgeist. It lacked dialogue and people who could deliver it. In 1951 people didn’t say, “This was the worse day ever.” More like, “This was the worse day I ever had.” Of course that is a minor criticism of our young authors.

Guide: No F-bombs, sex, or nudity. Bad shower tease.

The case of the boring stalker ghost

Teenager Paige Pritchard (foxy redhead Marina Petrano) and her friends find themselves being stalked and terrorized by an angry unrestful spirit after Paige desecrates the place in the woods where the ghost dude died.

Boy, does this steaming pile of celluloid excrement strike out something terrible in every possible way: The dull and uninvolving story plods along at a painfully lethargic pace, the slack (non)direction fails to generate any essential tension or creepy atmosphere, the cinematography looks smeary and washed-out, the flat acting from the lame no-name cast adds further abject insult to already appalling injury, the chintzy (markedly less than) special effects appear to have been done on a budget of about fifty cents, and there’s even a groan-inducing “it ain’t over yet!” surprise ending that leaves the door wide open for a sequel which thankfully never got made. To sum up, watching this hideously tedious clunker is about as fun and exciting as seeing mold grow on old rotten wood for an hour and forty minutes straight.

I know Netflix’s Horror selection is pathetic, but watch something else. Trust me.

As I find myself unable to figure out where or how to begin, I’ll start off by saying that this just might be the first time a Horror film receives a fair rating on IMDB (as usually, for some reason, people who dislike Horror think giving it bad reviews says something positive or flattering about them). This film is downright terrible, with perhaps four scenes that are not boring, badly written/acted/directed and worthy of screen time.

Of course, most people have only come across this atrocity due to Netflix, where it’s called “American Poltergeist 2” (despite having been released two years prior to the less than overwhelming American Poltergeist, so I have no idea how this even works). And of course, there’s no ignoring the fact that it doesn’t take more than a two minute “research” to realize that whatever “entity” the antagonist is – it’s not a poltergeist.

The camera trembles too much. The acting is childish. The “twist” is so forced it’s sad. But the first prize by far goes to the audio quality in like half the film. No, there is nothing wrong with your sound card, speakers, television set or whatever. The director has actually had the audacity to release this film in its current quality level (or lack thereof). I don’t even think the overall product would have passed a freshman year cinema course, so even implying this is a film that belongs on a paid streaming service is an affront to basic intelligence. Whoever was responsible for putting this on Netflix should know that he single handedly cost them at least half a star of reputation.

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