After School Massacre (2014)

Comedy, Horror /
2.9/10
22% – Audience

After School Massacre Storyline

Two high-school students head to the room of their senior-year history teacher Mr. Anderson to deal with a little problem. See, during class he confiscated a hat and they want it back, and on top of that, they’re upset that he hasn’t accepted their Friend Request. When he relents and accepts the request, those above him feel he’s broken professional protocol and he’s fired on the spot. He reacts to this news by killing both the principal who fired him and an innocent secretary guilty of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Meanwhile, Jess gathers her friends for a sleepover. She talks to her mom about it and sets about making plans, but there is one minor caveat: the last time she had a sleepover, one of her friends overdosed and died. Obviously they’d like to avoid anyone dying this time around, but with Anderson now on a killing spree, that might be tough to avoid. You’d think Mom would know how many teenage girls are running around her house in their underwear (much to the delight of some booze-swilling peepers just outside the window), but a hunky guy named Steve is keeping her far too distracted. The cops are soon on the case, but with Anderson’s psychotic rage reaching a fever pitch, it might be a case of too little too late.—Ian Jane

After School Massacre Photos

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After School Massacre Movie Reviews

Fruit on my belly. Not cool, bro.

There is no reason to watch this movie. None of the actors stood out as even being half- way decent. The music was from a 70’s porn. And at any moment it felt like this movie would turn into a porn, but it never took that step.

The kill scenes were lacking. Half of the time it was like a romance book where you know they are going to have sex, but then the next sentence is them waking up the next morning…

You knew they were getting killed, but you just saw the bloody body after. Plus they were just standard kills; choking, stabbing with scissors. The most original was a curling iron being shoved down a throat.

And the reason the killer was killing was just lame.

The teacher’s aide has a cold chin

For about the first thirty minutes of “After School Massacre”, I kept thinking that it was like watching a porno without the sex. The line readings are stilted and awkward, the sound is poorly recorded and echoey, and the direction is almost non-existant. Every now and then the filmmakers seem to realise they are supposed to cut occasionally; this happens so seldom in the movie’s opening act that it’s surprising when it does. The echo on the soundtrack provides a hint that scenes at the beginning of the movie supposedly set in a teachers’ lounge were obviously filmed on a breezy set.

Anyway, they move to a house where the inevitable killings start to happen, but that doesn’t really matter. The movie exists to show girls in their underwear. It must have had a laughably low budget, so at least they were able to get some attractive actresses for that money who were willing to disrobe… part of the way. If you’re looking for nudity, you’ll be disappointed. I remember only a couple of nipples on screen, one at a time.

The plot is something to do with a teacher’s aide who apparently has received a friend request from one of his students – but has not accepted it. Somehow having heard about this, the dean of students fires the teacher’s aide. Not only did he not even accept the friend request, but the dean couldn’t have possibly known it was sent in the first place, unless he also works as an admin for Facebook. But since when is merely receiving a friend request from a student grounds for termination? The students should just send friend requests to all the teachers they don’t like, and watch them disappear.

The teacher’s aide goes crazy and starts killing, but you knew that already. In this case you can almost see where he’s coming from.

The action moves to a house where a group of girls are having a slumber party. They all seem too old for such things, but never mind. From this point on (and we’re only at about the five minute mark) the girls onscreen will mostly only be wearing their underwear.

Struggling to think of things to say that sets this one apart from the (perhaps literally endless) number of other low budget slashers, one thing did occur to me: the kill scenes in this movie are perhaps the worst I’ve ever seen. They are just so lame, I can only assume that the budget went to acquiring hot girls and didn’t leave any money for gore effects.

There is a character that all the girls hate because he is an obnoxious jerk… and yet he still ends up getting some alone time with at least a couple of them. This character is the only one in the movie who made the slightest impression on me, because he is so irritating. Characters who are disliked by a coterie of hot girls are usually an easy way for a film to generate some sympathy. Hell, even “Meatballs 4” managed a sympathetic goof. “After School Massacre”‘s version of this character, however, is someone we share the girls’ distaste for, and that’s not a good thing.

None of the said girls register with personalities of their own. You can only tell them apart because they wear different panties.

One scene actually seemed to revel in this lameness and have fun with it, which featured a curling iron, something I don’t think I’ve ever seen used as a weapon in a movie before.

The ending to the movie also comes out of nowhere and doesn’t really conclude anything. I just suddenly found myself watching the bizarre credits sequence, which includes a weird sort of quasi-rap song with all the actresses dancing around, still clad in their underwear, but no longer murdered. They rap/sing something to do with “fruit on the belly”, and… er… I’m just at a loss to try to explain that.

One other thing sticks out about this movie, not that I’ll remember it much longer… and that’s the killer’s mask, which is easily the lamest I’ve seen in a movie. It’s a ski mask which for some reason doesn’t even cover his whole face: it leaves his chin exposed. I found myself wondering if they did that to make his voice more audible when he’s wearing the mask.

Or maybe the filmmaker’s mother had to knit the mask for the movie because they didn’t have enough money in the budget to buy one from a thrift store, and she didn’t finish making the mask in time before the movie was due to start shooting?

Maybe?

This Movie Does Not Care, and Neither Should We.

I’ve been watching slasher movies since the mid ’90s, and I have ‘never’ been this irritated with what I was seeing. The best way to describe my feelings toward this movie is simple: I felt like I got trolled by somebody who hates slasher fans. There is no way this is a legitimate effort.

Normally I only like discussing acting in slasher movies when it’s somewhat impressive, because let’s face it, with these commonly low budgets it’s going to be close to impossible to buy skilled actors. With “After School Massacre,” the bizarre nature of ‘this’ level of acting is where the ‘only’ horror lies. This is the worst acting I have ever seen. Not only that, the acting leads us nowhere! There’s no payoff for suffering through this bizarre acting and limp script. The only explanation for somebody signing off on work like this is that it was an all-out assault on all the things I hold dear when it comes to movies.

The kills, the story, the killer, the comedy, the sex, the nudity, the music, they were ‘all’ equally as terrible as this bizarre acting. That has to be some kind of record.

I’ve been hustled a few times in my life, but buying into this premise is by far the most painful duping I have ever received.

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