The Siege (2023)

• Year: 2023
• Released: 14 Mar 2023
• Country: United Kingdom
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt16916320/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_siege
• Metacritics: https://www.metacritic.com/movie/the-siege
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: R
• Genre: Action
• Runtime: min
• Writer: Nicole Bartlett
• Director: Brad Watson
• Cast: Daniel Stisen, Lauren Okadigbo, Yennis Cheung
• Keywords:

4.0/10

The Siege Storyline

Walker, an international assassin/hitman, is compromised during a mission. His handler sends him to a Reassignment Center at which Walker will be processed for a new identity. During his stay at the facility, a ruthless assault team storms the compound searching for someone their boss has lost. Walker begrudgingly falls in with Elda, a skilled hitwoman, and Juliet, her mysterious ward, in order to maximize the chance to survive the night.

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The Siege Movie Reviews

The funniest comedy so far this year.

I promise you will laugh throughout the entire runtime – in between eyerolls and cringes. I can understand and appreciate a low budget, but not even a zero budget would have a lead actor this bad. I can only assume that the wannabe Rambo (complete, with arm and head-band), Daniel Stisen, with mostly uncredited and short-film experience, won the lottery, and paid producers to be cast as a lead action star. The outdated tank-top look – also worn in his previous film, has come and gone back in the 80’s. His raspy whisper voice sounded like he was holding back having an aneurysm from constantly flexing throughout the entire film, which was hilarious to constantly have to see. Keep flexing those lats so the arms stick out more lol.

Then you have long dragged out scenes in a screenplay riddled with plot and technical issues, that even with the decent pacing, the normally comfortable 97 min runtime felt much longer. Never mind all the cliched characters and dialogue, and the predictability of the entire story that’s been done many times before and much better. Even the fight scenes were poorly choreographed and felt endless with how long, dragged out and boring they were, although the double hammers were the only nice touch of all the fight scenes.

Even the score was the most annoying, even for a B film. It was loud, overbearing and constant, and we were on the floor rolling around laughing with the Looney Tunes music. I’m surprised one of the characters weren’t named Elmer Fudd. The only redeeming quality was the somewhat decent directing, considering how flaccid the screenplay was. There were some good shots, especially with the lightning storm in the beginning. But either than that, there’s no reason to waste your time watching this, if only to get drunk and laugh at how bad this and the acting is. It’s a generous 3/10 from me, because newb writers have to start somewhere, and the concept was somewhat inviting, albeit poorly executed.

Pretty boring

Had a good concept but the execution was severely lacking. Seriously, the synopsis sounds great, and the opening scene sets you up for a ride, but then it all falls apart. It spends too much time with slow, stilted dialog and just a general snail pace. The biggest problem is it wants to be more epic, grander, wilder than it really is.

The main character, who is an impressive hulk of a man, lacks any charisma. His grungy voice and quips, I assume trying to harken back to bygone days of a “man’s man” rogue, just didn’t work. The other 2 women’s characters weren’t memorable, either. Not to bust on anyone’s acting chops but this wasn’t the movie where anybody shines.

The action was a real letdown, so those hoping for a banging good time with bullets flying and explosions will similarly be disappointed. There’s minimal gunplay, with the usual “trained assassins/soldiers that can’t hit the broad side of a barn” mindlessness, and the fisticuffs are even less impressive. For Stisen’s stature, you’d expect him to be out there ripping people new ones but apparently, he’s just an average joe when it comes to any physical combat.

Returning to the idea of it wanting to be bigger than it is, there are many over-the-top moments that feel ill-placed. In one scene, the heroes go down a fire escape while a bad guy rains not a hail, but a full-blown hurricane of bullets from a heavy machine gun at them for a good minute. I’m talking 1000+ rounds, and of course every bullet just ricochets off the railings, posing no threat. It’s too ridiculous for this movie and feels like they couldn’t commit to being too wild (most likely for budget reasons). The movie might’ve been better had they just gone nuts with it and not have it be such a serious affair.

an Indie with Ambition

Remember Kingsmen? That franchise showed it was possible to build a franchise by riffing off an idea that might seem a little loony at first glance. This low-budget but promising little indie starts with the premise that there is an un-named organization that does nothing else but repackage and relocate professional killers who fail to eliminate all witnesses during an assignment, and are therefore at risk. If you can handle that premise, there is not much amiss with Siege that a little more budget would not have fixed. Daniel Stisen has both the size and the charisma to handle his first leading role. The script has ups and downs, but more of the former than the latter. The action is regular and pleasantly distracting. ((Designated “IMDb Top Reviewer.” Please check out my list “167+ Nearly-Perfect Movies (with the occasional Anime or TV miniseries) you can/should see again and again (1932 to the present))