Zombie Wars (2007)

Zombie Wars Storyline

Fifty years after a world-wide zombie epidemic had begun, a small group of rebel soldiers learn that intelligent zombies have begun breeding humans for food. The soldiers plan an all-out war to rid the Earth of the flesh-eating monsters for good, as the rest of the surviving world’s population struggles to survive against the zombie hordes.

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Zombie Wars Movie Reviews

Anyone who rated this above 3 is obviously cast or crew.

Abysmal, awful, terrible garbage from beginning to end.

The acting, the actors, the direction, the wardrobe, the script, the camera work, the dialog, the story, the continuity, suspension of disbelief, the effects…everything about this movie fails. Everything about this “movie” was laughably poor, clumsy, amateurish and a downright stupid, that I’m 100% sure that anyone who rated it above a 3 worked on it. One of the “plants” even told me as much. Not even the “plants” remain loyal to this waste of film.

This “movie” makes Troma films look like Oscar pieces. I’ve never actually seen a film as bad as this…and I’ve seen “Death Tunnel.” My friend uses his camcorder to make movie shorts and they’re more well executed than this.

There was not a single thing I thought to be skilled or well done in this film at all. Everything right down to the core was worst than some of the feeblest first year film school attempts at film making I’ve seen over the years.

I’ve seen better acting in teenage “Live action role playing”, actually scratch that… It was on par with a teenage “Live action role playing” because that’s what it came off as. A bunch of amateurs overacting and making up the story as they went along whilst being directed by a pimply faced virgin who lives in his mother’s basement. “Raawr! I’m a zombie!” “Grawr! I’m the HEAD zombie!’ “Oh wow you brought stage blood? Awesome!” “Yeah I know right?” On that note, I’ve seen better makeup at our annual,local zombie walk.

Then there’s story. Oh god the story was so abysmal I don’t even know where to start! The script in it’s entirety was so shockingly stupid, trite and just plain embarrassing from the dialog right down to the characters, that I’m not sure where to start save saying that it was just total garbage and had no merit whatsoever. I’ve read fanfics written by randy pre-teens that were more cohesive, polished, believable and well crafted. The script was agonizing. Simply every single element of this “film” was so terrible that words escape me.

Highlights:

• Mentally challenged slave women (who managed to find bleach and support garments during their “lives of captivity” as “zombie slaves”.) Words cannot express how unfathomably bad the lead love interest “Star” is a she smacks her lips, stares into space, struggles with hard words such as “food” and exudes about as much charisma as a blow up doll.

• “Zombies” in scissor shredded clothes, stage blood and clown makeup… who care about hygiene…and seem to have sex drives.

• Zombies that “attack” by groaning and brushing heroes with outstretched but don’t bite even when a heroes flesh is millimeters away from their mouths.

• Zombies that stop “attacking” and stand perfectly still to be shot, even when there are many of them crowding on person with a gun.

• Cages that have bars wide enough that even a fat person could slip between the bars.

• Male actors trying to look macho/pull a Bruce Campbell…but coming off more like gay porn actors fumbling through their dialog before the “action”.

• Female roles (beyond the retarded slave women mentioned above) are butchy and resemble the female high school gym teacher some of us had.

• “Survivors” with clean clothes, fussy haircuts and 2 day stubble.

• Sets that a heavy rain fall would destroy

• Headache inducing oversaturated colors

• Dialog so strained and awkward the actors even look embarrassed.

…Oh god make it stop!! The list goes on and on!!

I watched the credits roll after and laughed that it so anyone in my film family wouldn’t accidentally hire anyone who worked on this film.

Not even bad enough to be good. AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!

A Very Shaky Concept

Although this is one of those low-budget zombie productions which seem to crop up just about every where these days, this film had some real potential. Unfortunately, it had too many things going against it to succeed. For example, it starts off with a very shaky concept of zombies harvesting humans for food. Add in a bad script, poor action sequences, miscasting, terrible zombie makeup along with horrible acting on the part of the zombies and you can get an idea of how badly directed it was. And that’s a shame because it had some good qualities which could have saved it. For instance, the acting on the part of the brothers “David” (Adam Mayfield) and “Brian” (Jim Hazelton) was pretty good. Likewise, although Kristi Pearce is probably a decent enough actress, she was badly miscast and gave a totally unconvincing performance as the leader known as “the General”. Additionally, the talents of Alissa Koenig (as “Star”) were also seriously wasted. In short, this movie had some good talent to draw upon. But they weren’t used properly and the film suffered because of it.

Much more entertaining than expected

Following a worldwide zombie epidemic, a small band of survivors that fight back against the creatures manage to free a group of women being used as breeding fodder but are taken back to their compound, and learning of their capabilities launch a full-on assault to destroy the zombies.

There was some really good stuff to this one. One of the greatest aspects of this one is the film’s incredibly interesting and original story which is insanely clever and actually believable. This is mostly brought about by the concept of the zombie’s farm since it’s portrayed as not coming from them but are conditioned to accept it, which is a new touch and figures to include some new elements into the film based on its sheer integration. The scenes showing the early workings of the facility are great fun, where the zombies’ lives are shown in different levels of interaction and a social order is clearly established. That it’s done in the middle of a war is really great as it allows for a spectacular series of scenes that carry on the action from the beginning. The big shootout which takes place in the fields is really good, the big battle at the campground is pretty exciting and manages to get really chaotic in what’s going on and a great series of encounters in the woods around the camp as they come up with their rescue plans that makes it all the better. There’s also the big scenes at the compound which is where it gets really enjoyable, with the first escape attempt making for a rather enjoyable sequence, while the big assault is a lot of fun mixing in everything from gore to action to a little bit of humor as well. These, mixed with a really nice amount of gore and really nice looking zombies with a ton of scars and facial wounds and even missing or burnt away skin create impressive-looking creatures, make for a highly enjoyable effort. There wasn’t a whole lot of stuff wrong with this one. One of the biggest flaws is the films’ few storyline instances that don’t make a lot of sense. Despite being told that the camp was a rehabilitation effort, nothing is shown of teaching the captives anything, and the only one that has any sort of contact is the one who has a name. When the place is attacked and the captives are taken out for protection, they are said to escape and no one goes after them, despite being told tons of times about the importance of keeping them away from the zombies. Another one is the revelation at the very end about what kind of compound it actually is, which is a missed opportunity and really should’ve been told earlier. The only other part that becomes much of a flaw is the apparent shying away from using a lot of variety with its gore. Most of the blood tends to come from head- shots of varying degrees of blood-splatter, which isn’t all that unique or impressive. Usually, the genre tends to come up with a few inventive gags with each entry, but this one doesn’t do that and doesn’t tend to give a lot of options. As it also rips off a famous ending from another film with it’s ending here being another minor problem, these here are all that’s really wrong with the film.

Rated UR/R: Graphic Violence and Language.