Vampiyaz (2004)

• Year: 2004
• Released: 21 Sep 2004
• Country: USA
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0415348/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/vampiyaz
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: R
• Genre: Crime, Horror
• Runtime: 83 min
• Writer: John Bacchus
• Director: John Bacchus
• Cast: Richard Carroll Jr., Malik Burke, Lila Blake Palmer, Jenicia Garcia
• Keywords: ghetto, vampire,

1.9/10

Vampiyaz Storyline

In Newark, New Jersey, two local thugs and partners in crime, Richard ‘Jakeem’ Jones (Richard Carroll Jr.) and Kahlil (Malik Burke) are busy at their night’s work — safe-robbing. The first heist goes off without a problem. At the second job, the homeowner (Zack Snygg), clad in a pink bunting with matching bonnet, is asleep, but the safe is positioned right next to his bed. Jakeem wants to abort this job, but Kahlil talks him into it. Jakeem manages to get the safe open, and they unload the many jewels into a bag. When Jakeem goes to replace the key, the owner suddenly awakens up and pulls out a gun. He chases Jakeem and Kahlil down the stairs, shouting racist insults as they go. The insults anger Kahlil, so he pulls out a gun and shoots the owner. The bungled robbers take off in their car, with Jakeem driving. Still hot over the insults, Kahlil hauls off and slaps Jakeem, forcing him to take his eyes off his driving just long enough to hit a young woman walking down the deserted road. Jakeem gets out of the car and feels for a pulse. She is still alive, but Kahlil wants to get out of there. Jakeem refuses, so Kahlil shoots Jakeem and takes off in the car. He drives back into the city and gets out of the car to survey his loot. As he’s looking in the bag, he is approached by a hooker who doesn’t want to take “No,” for an answer, so Kahlil pops a bullet into her gut. Kahlil takes off in her car, but doesn’t get very far. The hooker is actually a vampire, and Kahlil is dinner.Eight years pass, all of which Jakeem spends locked up in the East Jersey State Prison, thanks to Kahlil framing him. Newly released, Jakeem tries to call his parents, but they hang up on him. With nowhere to go, he gets himself a hotel room, smokes a cigarette, and hires Cheryl (Debbie Rochon), a local call-girl, to keep him company. But he does not have sex with her. He only wants the company of holding someone (spooning) after eight years of prison confinement.The next day, Jakeem goes walking past the apartment building where the girl he hit with the car is living. Crippled and confined to a wheelchair, Stacey (Lila Balke Palmer) is sweeping the front stoop. Jakeem strikes up a conversation, claiming to know her from school. She doesn’t appear to recognize him, so they shoot the breeze for a little while, Stacey explaining how she landed in the wheelchair after a hit-and-run accident eight years ago. Promising to look for her again now that he’s back in the old neighborhood, Jakeem keeps walking. He is stopped by a guy named Ray (Randy Clarke) who offers him a job and a chance to get revenge on Kahlil. Jakeem is to meet him at 10:00 PM that night.Although Jakeem is a bit disgusted when Ray chows down on a bug, he shows up at the address he is given. Turns out that it’s a setup. Kahlil is waiting for him, and Ray is Kahlil’s ghettofab-Renfield. Kahlil knocks Jakeem across the room then pounces on him, fangs bared. The next thing Jakeem knows, he awakens with his hands tied to the ceiling, but he is unbitten. While Ray licks on a severed hand, Kahlil explains the job to Jakeem. Kahlil wants him to rob a safe in the Vampire Assault Headquarters and steal back an amulet that he needs in order to cure himself of vampirism. For this, he’ll pay Jakeem with the money he owes him from the last heist. If Jakeem refuses, Kahlil will rip out Jakeem’s heart and feed it to Ray. Jakeem has 24 hours to make up his mind.Not surprisingly, Jakeem takes the job under the condition that they carry no guns. Ray shows him a drawing of the headquarters, the location of the safe, and where there might be guards. Just before they get to the location, Jakeem pats down Ray but finds no gun. They walk up to the guard standing on the front stoop and cause a scene that is supposed to distract the guard so that Jakeem can hit him over the head with a billyclub. Unfortunately, the guard tries to alert another guard, so Ray pulls out a gun from under his hat and shoots the guard. When Jakeem backs off from the job, Ray turns the gun on Jakeem and forces him to continue. They enter the building and start up the stairs. Suddenly, a door opens and another guard starts shooting. Bullets whizz by Jakeem’s ears until Ray is able to take out the guard. However, the loud retorts have affected Jakeem’s hearing, and, because he can’t hear the tumblers very easily, it is touch-and-go when he tries to crack the safe.Jakeem manages to open the safe and grab the amulet. He takes it back to Kahlil, but Jakeem is still having a problem hearing. When they finally manage to exchange amulet for money, Kahlil puts the amulet around his neck and starts to laugh. The amulet doesn’t cure him of vampirism, he explains, it makes him stronger, such that garlic, crosses, and daylight no longer bother him. Kahlil rushes at Jakeem, but Jakeem tears the amulet from Kahlil’s neck. Kahlil sets a couple of his lady vampires on Jakeem, but Jakeem pulls down the black plastic trash bags covering the windows. The vampires begin to steam up in the sunlight, and Jakeem escapes, still holding the amulet.Back at Vampire Assault Headquarters, the vampire hunters are taking stock of their dead. Fortunately, the tracking beacon on the amulet is still operational, so team leader Nicole (Jenicia Garcia) and two other hunters track down Jakeem, chasing him through a park until they catch him. They return to headquarters where hunter Cedric (Jakeem Sellers) attempts to make Jakeem talk by throwing a baseball at his head. Nicole disrupts Cedric’s pitching and has Jakeem set free, seeing as how they have the amulet. Meanwhile, Ray has kidnapped Stacey, and Kahlil is trying to get her to reveal Jakeem’s whereabouts. At first, Stacey denies knowing Jakeem, so Kahlil informs her that Jakeem is the one who put her in the wheelchair. Ray finds Jakeem and informs him that Kahlil is holding Stacey. Before Ray can say where, one of the vampire hunters shoots Ray dead.Nicole apologizes to Jakeem for using him to get at Ray, but Jakeem offers to act as a decoy if they will let him join their assault on Kahlil. While Jakeem walks in the front door of Kahlil’s house announcing loudly, “I’m here with amulet,” the assault team, armed with crosses and guns, kicks down the back door. Hunters go after vampires and vampires after hunters until the only ones left are Jakeem and Kahlil. Jakeem puts a half-dozen-or-so crosses, a garlic bulb, and a canteen of holy water around his neck and goes looking for Kahlil.What he finds is Stacey, hooked up to a bomb. She pleads with Jakeem to crack the code and defuse the bomb, which is set to go off in one minute. While Stacey yells at Jakeem to hurry up and Jakeem yells at Stacey to shut up so he can concentrate, time is getting short…18 minutes…Stacey tells Jakeem that he owes her one…9 minutes…that she knows it was him who put her in the wheelchair…3 minutes…2…1…and the bomb goes off, elevating Stacey’s wheelchair into the air and splattering her blood all over the wall. Stacey is dead.Kahlil enters the room. He demands the amulet, but Jakeem refuses to give it to him. Kahlil tosses a blanket over Jakeem to cover up the crosses and starts punching. Kahlil’s hands touch some of the crosses, and he backs off in pain. Jakeem tosses him the amulet, and Kahlil triumphantly puts it around his neck. Then he begins to scream in pain again as the amulet sears him. Jakeem has attached a cross to the back of the amulet. As Kahlil shudders in pain, Jakeem tears down the black plastic curtains. Kahlil screams, “Oh Lord! I’m going to hell!” and the sunlight consumes him.Epilogue. It is dark outside. Jakeem sits in a corner smoking a cigarette when a cellphone starts to ring. He answers it on the 13th ring. It is a man, asking for his help in getting rid of some vampire. Jakeem wants no part of it. The guy offers him $10,000 for his services. “In cash?” Jakeem asks.[Original synopsis by bj_kuehl]

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Vampiyaz Movie Reviews

Oh this was a tough one to watch.

*spoilers galore*

What atrainwreck of a movie. Surprisingly, the acting was actually pretty good. But everything else sucked. First scene they go to rob a house and a guy inside is sleeping in a bunny suit…? and then they kill him. OK. There are bombs attached to safes and the bombs consist of a kitchen timer and a printer cable (I recognized the LPT1 ports). SOmetimes the background sound is so loud (cars, etc) you can’t hear the dialogue. All the main characters get killed within the first 15 minutes of the movie- WTF! People literally are laughing when they are being”eaten” by the vampires… huh? Some chick in a wheel chair gets spun around in circles by the mean vampires. A random guy on the street gets off his own bike and throws it on the ground. It’s almost like they got some odd footage during the movie and decided they had to add it in… it made no sense. The vampire hideout is an old house with black garbage bags for curtains (I kid you not). Driving in the car at night they leave the dome light on to help with lighting. You can tell the “car” they are in is just a fake contraption that is bouncing up and down. All punches in the movie are accompanied by the old school He-man sound effect of “thwack”. Yet believe it or not, the acting is actually good. I mean, very passable. The blood is horrible… it looks like pink water. Worst blood I have ever seen in my life. Halfway through the movie the main bad vampire is getting burned by sunlight and writhing on the ground and then in the VERY NEXT SHOT he is downstairs telling someone to go get an amulet- WTF!!!? ***ALL*** of the props look like stuff they got from Halloween Boo-tique in the mall…. all the amulets and treasures are made of plastic. It’s hard to understand because stuff keeps happening for no reason. Like the thing with the guy just throwing his bike on the ground…. what? Hotel rooms have doorbell ringers on them…? And the weirdest part of all was that a guy reached behind his back to pull a gun out of the back of his pants and it was covered in poop, because I guess he got scared and crapped on it. WTF-ever!!!

One of the worst movies I have ever seen

I rented this because the title and box art just screamed “bad movie” and I was not disappointed.

For blood effects, I noticed a wide variety of food products, including strawberry jam, red kool aid, and katsup. Gun shot effects, as the previous user put it, look as though they were made by poking holes through the film. Vampire are people with plastic vampire teeth. This movie looks like it was made with a camcorder, they can’t keep the camera from wobbling and it’s enough to make you feel sick.

Acting is absolutely horrible. Dialogue probably wasn’t scripted, but improved… badly. People screw up their lines and the camera keeps rolling as they repeat them two or three times until they get it right. In dialogue scenes outside where they cut back and forth between two people’s faces while they talk, the background noise is different each time and there is a delay before each person talks so you can tell the conversation is segmented.

There is a lot of completely random crap throw in, a guy eating a fly, a guy stirring up a bowl of blood (katsup) with a rubber severed hand and licking the blood (katsup) off the rubber fingers.

There is a Deus ex machina every five minutes. Amulet that makes vampires invincible. Vampire killing task force. The main character is really good at cracking safes, and it just so happens that everyone in town uses the same exact safe.

I can’t list everything that was wrong with this film, because the entire film was just a complete disaster. If you love the art of bad film as much as I do, you’ll love this one; rent it with friends. No nudity though, which is a shame because there were a couple really cute girls. This was in my top 5 list of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. I hope they make a sequel.

This is without a doubt, the worst film ever created

I cannot even fathom the words to use to describe the exact level of horrificness of this movie. The script could pass for something produced in a 3rd grade class for “special” kids and the plot is about as creative and interesting as the mound of feces my dog dropped off in the yard about an hour ago. Many of the special effects could have been done better in Microsoft Paint….by a blind idiot. I was in awe of such terrible spectacles, such as the guy who kept licking the blood of a plastic hand; the baseball interrogation scene; the lion-roar-esquire sounds the female vampires made; the blue muzzle flash from the guns; the girl in the wheelchair who seemed to just evaporate at the end leaving nothing behind but blood on the wall which was nothing more than water with red food coloring….seriously. But my personal favorite was the extremely awful “bomb” that consisted of a egg timer,a computer printer cable, and a bar of ivory soap…. what the hell? I can only hope that when I am on my death bed, that god gives me an additional 83 minutes of life to make up for the tragic display I had to witness. The creator should be ashamed of himself as he upset Mariah Carey for creating a worse film than Glitter, which in comparison could pass as Citizen Kane. Do yourself, an society a favor and go to your local video store and ask the man (or woman, for this politically correct world) for all the copies of Vampiyaz, then proceed to toss them into a raging inferno, and to never be viewed again by human eyes. But please remember to recycle the plastic melted goo left over, it should have never been used in such a train wreck of a movie. Christ, this movie made me mad, and it’s making me mad right now knowing I took the time to write this review. This movie makes suicide seem like a day of fun. Have a nice day.