Santa with Muscles (1996)

• Year: 1996
• Released: 06 Dec 1996
• Country: United States
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117550/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/santa_with_muscles
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: PG
• Genre: Comedy
• Runtime: 97 min
• Writer: Jonathan Bond, Fred Mata, Dorrie Krum Raymond
• Director: John Murlowski
• Cast: Hulk Hogan, Don Stark, Robin Curtis
• Keywords: christmas, amnesia, santa claus, millionaire,

	2.5/10
	23% – Audience

Santa with Muscles Storyline

A heartless millionaire believes he is Santa Claus after an accident renders him amnesiac.

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Santa with Muscles Movie Reviews

Cheap trash

A trashy vehicle for Hulk Hogan, playing a Scrooge type guy who gets hit on the head and transforms into Santa Claus. Some fun sub-HERCULES style fight scenes are the only thing going for this exceedingly cheap and trashy movie, with lame casting and Hogan mugging his way through a non-part. Expect cheesy humour and Mila Kunis showing up as one of the kids.

The Grinch did not steal Christmas…this film did!

If ever there was a family holiday film that could kill the holiday spirit, this film is it. It makes “Jingle All the Way” and even “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” seem GOOD in comparison! And, if you ever meet anyone who hates Christmas, chances are that they saw this film! This movie is a cloying, annoying dud…the sort of contrived mess of a film that makes you want to tell Hollywood to STOP making holiday movies if this is the sort of crap they think the public could want! The film begins with Hulk Hogan playing some sort of combination rich guy, superhero, GI Joe wannabe and ninja. I am glad that his impressions of himself and his abilities are not in any way over-ambitious or egocentric!

In a stupid freak accident, the Hulkster now thinks he’s Santa and comes to the aid…I kid you not…of a home for orphans!! Folks, it just doesn’t get any worse than this–or does it?! Well, in fact it does. You see, the evil man behind this is, naturally, Ed Begley, Jr. and I assume he wanted this property to build an electric car dealership. But, in a bizarre twist, it’s to get a whole bunch of neon-like power crystals hidden in an underground vault! Say what?!?!? Begley’s crew of evil villains look like the sort of baddies that might attack Barney the dinosaur. They are all really, really lame and are about as threatening as a mild case of dandruff. And, it’s up to Hulk to kick some butt (wow, not a tough thing in this case), win the hearts of a whole bunch of cute moppets AND manage to make a family-friendly movie that involves lots of punching, kicking and other forms of violence!

The film has absolutely nothing going for it other than Hogan’s massive ego. The acting is crap, the script is crap, the action is crap and there is nothing…I repeat, NOTHING of any value to this steaming pile of….movie. What makes it worse is the ‘surprise’ twist concerning the villain and Hulk’s childhood–which, oddly, neither seemed to remember! Sadly, anyone seeing this turkey of a film will not have the same thing occur–they’ll never forget having wasted nearly an hour and a half on this snot-fest. This film easily deserves to be on IMDb’s Bottom 100 list, as it’s the worst vanity project I’ve seen in ages–and a family film which is too violent and stupid for kids and just about impossible for any adult to sit through without massive amounts of liquor.

My favorite part of the film? Towards the end, one of the lame villains yells “It’s gonna blow!!”. He couldn’t have been more right, though he probably should have said this at the beginning in order to warn people what they were in for seeing!

I think I’d have rather seen “Chitty, Chitty Bang, Bang”, “The Adventures of Pippi Longstocking” or even “Son of the Mask” instead of this movie–it was that bad!

By the way, there is a worse Christmas film. The 1959 Mexican film “Santa Claus” is in the Bottom 100 as well and it is light-years worse! But, for a big-budget Hollywood Christmas story, “Santa With Muscles” takes the prize!

Muscleheads

Santa with muscles is bad film but it is daft, unpretentious and strangely entertaining if watching around at Christmas. I was ill when I watched this and drugged up with flu meds which might explain why I have not given it a rock bottom rating.

Hulk Hogan plays mean wealthy egoist health food tycoon Blake Thorne who ends up running from the cops after a awry paintball incident and hides out in a shopping mall while disguised as Santa. A head injury leaves him suffering from amnesia, an opportunistic elf convinces Blake that he is the real Santa. Blake starts doing good deeds and takes on a villain who wants to shut down an orphanage for some magic minerals.

The film looks cheap, the story makes little sense such as why does no one recognise this rich tycoon acting as Santa but there is enough slapstick and bad puns to keep the little Hulksters happy.