• Year: 2023
• Released: 09 Dec 2023
• Country: United States
• Adwords: 38 wins & 3 nominations
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5368798/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/hanky_panky
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Comedy, Horror
• Runtime: 86 min
• Writer: Nick Roth
• Director: Lindsey Haun, Nick Roth
• Cast: Toby Bryan, Jacob DeMonte-Finn, Clare Grant
• Keywords:

	3.3/10
	31% – Critics
	false% – Audience

Hanky Panky Storyline

A man and his sentient napkin friend save the world from a dark evil in a cabin deep in the Utah mountains, and also learn to love.

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Hanky Panky Movie Reviews

A Love Letter to Cult Films

The film Hanky Panky, directed by Lindsey Haun and Nick Roth, can best be described as a true love letter to cult films and cinema as a whole. From its opening title credits that invoke imagery similar to The Shining, to its overall witty dialogue reminiscent of films like The Rocky Horry Picture Show, this film demonstrates a true passion for films of all genres and styles. Through seamlessly intertwining humor with scenes that are actually quite suspenseful, the filmmakers are able to keep the audience engaged as you never quite know what is coming next. While at times some of the decisions regarding score or shot selection can be off-putting, they always maintain a deep sense of intentionality by the filmmakers that work to give Hanky Panky its own tone and style that are unlike any other film I have previously seen. The entire concept as a whole feels fresh and new which is something as I viewer I deeply appreciate in the modern culture of cinema that is full of remakes and sequels.

In terms of viewing this film, I cannot recommend more to watch this film with all of your closest friends and family. Similar to how this film was made by a group of friends getting together, I genuinely believe the viewing experience requires just that. Similar to how many cult films thrive in an environment where the audience can interact with one another as well as with the film, Hanky Panky is no different in which it truly makes for a great film to watch with friends. Not only this, as films today can often be too serious, Hanky Panky breaks out from that mold by simply being a film that is fun, carefree, and full of unique/likable characters. With all of this in mind, I highly recommend that next time you are hanging out with friends or family, you give Hanky Panky a watch as it will truly make for a good time.

Feels like a Student Short Film

From the opening credits, the movie references The Shining, and has a rather goofy running and eventual death scene. It is clear from the movie’s opening, tone, music, and poster that it’s supposed to be a horror comedy. But there is a disconnect in the lighting and scene setting that takes away from that horror comedy ‘feel’, and quite distractingly sets the scene to feel more like a sitcom.

Every scene seems to have bright lighting that doesn’t match the tone of the scene itself. Even in scenes with graphic violence, the atmosphere never feels scary, dark, moody, or really even different because there is always very bright and even lighting. There are almost no lighting nuances that lend itself to the horror part of this horror comedy. Even in a scene that does create a different atmosphere with lighting, the commitment to very even lighting throughout the film made the switch-up distracting rather than adding to the film. The scene was when Sam and Carla dig through the snow to get through the window. In the shot within the room, there is a darkness element that matches the panicked and dark tone of the shot, but then immediately switches to a shot from the outside looking into the room, which has the same bright and even lighting throughout the film. This stark contrast leaves a huge disconnect that is very confusing. It looks like two different scenes that are not connected to each other in any way.

Every scene seems to be shot in a way that focuses on everything within the scene without any attempts at bokeh. It subconsciously makes it difficult for the audience to decide on what to look at, should we focus on the person talking, or to the other characters reacting near them? Even outside of characters themselves, there are almost no shots where there is a depth of field, complexity, or balance between the foreground, middleground, and background. There really is no difference to any of them, they might as well all exist in the same depth of field. It makes it seem like the entire film was shot on a phone or a wide lens camera with no intentionality on focus.

These are all crucial elements that give this movie an amateurish quality of a student short film as opposed to a feature length film. I am also not sure if the poor quality of the special effects was intentionally made to be bad in a “so bad it’s good” way or not.

As for the good, the acting is great. All the characters had believable lines and performances that felt real. I didn’t find the dialogue and plot particularly funny or compelling, but the chemistry and feel of the characters were convincing. It’s very clear that all the actors were very skilled and talented. This strength in the film is what does set it apart from a student short film where you would normally find inexperienced actors.

Set to become a cult classic

Outrageous, a film you feel that surely you’re wasting your time watching, yet which you can’t leave alone. The characters overact magnificently, the animation doesn’t even have its strings and the fishing rod they use edited out in places. I loved the acting. Filming quality and editing were great. Hilarious. Chemistry between characters was an important element that was used well.

You’ll find aliens, odd humans, a Men-in-black character, murder victims and blood by the bucketful, odd table talk ranging from milliners to haberdashers to drapers to mercers. Then there’s the talk of sacrifices and rituals. It has everything to keep you guessing. Well done to the team who made this – what should become a classic.

• Year: 2023
• Released: 02 Jan 2024
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt28073210/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_mummy_murders
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Horror
• Runtime: 87 min
• Writer: Colin Bressler, Will Donahue
• Director: Colin Bressler
• Cast: Jeff Caperton, Will Donahue, Aimee Michelle
• Keywords:

	3.3/10
	80% – Critics
	80% – Audience

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• Year: 1979
• Released: 30 Aug 1984
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080066/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/up_from_the_depths
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: R
• Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy
• Runtime: 85 min
• Writer: Alfred M. Sweeney, Anne Dyer
• Director: Charles B. Griffith
• Cast: Sam Bottoms, Susanne Reed, Virgil Frye
• Keywords: hawaii, shark attack, tourist, shark, tourists in peril,

	3.3/10
	9% – Critics
	9% – Audience

Up from the Depths Storyline

A series of mysterious aquatic attacks indicate the presence of some huge, previously unknown giant species of shark that has risen to the surface and is preying on tourists, fishermen, researchers, etc. A local beachcomber and scam artist, Sullivan, will have to put out to sea to defeat it.—

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Up from the Depths Movie Reviews

Fish don’t walk! Fish don’t run, either!

The price we paid for the success of “Jaws” was a heavy one, with so many other aquatic killer animal features released in the subsequent years. The “Jaws” spoof “Piranha” is one of the better ones, by far. This is one of the lesser ones. It’s a crude, ineffective, even boring “thriller” about a prehistoric monster fish released from imprisonment in the sea after an underwater earthquake. It proceeds to feast upon locals and visitors in the area, including patrons of a resort. Ultimately, many expeditions are launched to find and destroy the fishy menace.

It’s hard to care much about this trite story, especially when the presentation, and characters, are so lacking in interesting features. Granted, it does get a shade more amusing once the frequency of fish attacks increases. Special effects are as crude as you could imagine – the more you see of the predator, the more unconvincing and laughable it looks. Attack scenes feature a lot of fake blood in the water, and splashing, but choppy editing where you really don’t see very much. Voyeurs will appreciate the amount of female flesh displayed.

Fortunately, the atmosphere and flavor of the location (although set in Hawaii, it was shot in the Philippines) help to make it tolerable. Unfortunately, a lot of the acting is incredibly amateurish. Susanne Reed (‘Code R’) is a gorgeous, sexy leading lady, but the less said about her performance, the better. However, she’s not the worst offender. That dishonor belongs to Kedric Wolfe (“Forbidden Zone”), who’s utterly annoying as the high strung resort manager. Familiar faces Sam Bottoms (“Apocalypse Now”), as the young hero, and Virgil Frye (“Revenge of the Ninja”), as his scruffy, surly uncle, do what they can; Frye tends to steal the show.

Only recommended to people who just CAN’T get enough of this genre.

Four out of 10.

It was worse than you know

I played the photographer in this torpid screecher. One reason the dialog is so stilted, is that somehow the sound track and the written script were lost. Weeks after we’d finished shooting, some of us “actors” assembled in a theater to watch silent clips, try to remember what we’d said, and dub that in. It’s ad libbed, and the reason some people sound like others is that we dubbed for more than ourselves. The underwater scenes (I was shooting a topless babe named “Iris Lee” when the monster ate her, then ate me) were filmed in about 25′ of water over a South China Sea reef, but the budget did not provide breathing apparatus for me. They gave me a mask and the 2nd stage of a SCUBA regulator with a red garden hose taped to it, told me to “act like I was breathing.” At -15′, with the most horrendous hangover I ever had. Then, the underwater camera not having been tested, the cinematographer shot everything off frame. When that was discovered, they inserted the red dye in an aquarium “death scene” from “Pirhana” and made do. There are shots of the ominous fin cruising cross-scene; you can see the wake of the outrigger canoe pulling it. There was a guy sitting inside the “fish” guiding it with a joystick; one afternoon he hit the reef, fell out the open side, and put his arm on a lionfish. VERY bad thing, the arm swelled to the size of his thighs and turned black but the Batangas Provincial hospital saved his life. Next day they moved him to a cheaper hospital! There was a lot more stuff, as you’d expect from a movie that opens with a pig intestine draped over someone’s shoulders. I rated it 10 because as terrible movies go, it excels. It is so bad I think it deserves to be right down there with the Bush presidency. Chuck Griffiths and most of the actors in the film were great people. Chuck is far more talented than this movie allows him to show, and I’d like to visit with Suzanne Reed and Kedric Wolfe again some day, see how they’ve gotten along. Joe Cantrell

stupid and aggravating

Griffith, Corman’s muse on masterpieces like “Little Shop of Horrors” and “Bucket of Blood”, tries his hand at directing for a change at the behest of Cirio “Vampie Hookers” Santiago. Guess what, it’s a Jaws ripoff, and it’s set in Hawaii. Instead of Roy Scheider we get one rather gorgeous woman romping around and clashing with, not the corrupt mayor, but the fershlugginer resort manager, a mind-boggling, thrashing and mincing performance by some guy (Virgil Frye?) Every once in a while there are incomprehensible quick-cut sequences of crap happening underwater including this inflatable fish with Dorito teeth. The climax involves blowing the fish up by completing a circuit by reaching into the giant fish’s mouth and connecting two wires. Just like in real life! Don’t ask for an explanation. Stupid, yes, and amusing as such, but also kind of aggravating.

• Year: 1987
• Released: 23 Apr 2019
• Country: United States, Italy
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094298/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/warrior_queen
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: R
• Genre: Drama
• Runtime: 79 min
• Writer: Rick Marx, Harry Alan Towers, S.C. Dacy
• Director: Chuck Vincent
• Cast: Sybil Danning, Donald Pleasence, Rick Hill
• Keywords:

	3.3/10
	20% – Critics
	20% – Audience

Warrior Queen Storyline

In ancient Pompeii, slaves are bought and sold for household chores and sex. A mysterious queen moves among the elite, meantime secretly helping the slaves to escape. Eventually her life is also in jeopardy, and as the volcano erupts she and the slaves attempt to escape while being chased by the military…—Anonymous

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Warrior Queen Movie Reviews

No Exactly Your Father’s Gladiator Movie

Basically WARRIOR QUEEN is Joe D’amato, Harry Allan Tower & Chuck Vincent’s version of CALIGULA LITE. I’m giving it a lower score than I might normally because of how downright mean-spirited of a little movie it is. Cult favorite Sybil Danning plays a visiting Roman empress to Pompeii who sits around yawning & looking bored while local Nero type Donald Pleasance hams it up as an insane, debauched, filthy, sadistic pervert ruling over Pompeii with a reign of terror that would have made Saddam Hussein blush. The film is cheap, sleazy, voyeuristic, under-written, over produced, filled with confusing distractions, sexual violence, rotten music, absurd lighting and costume design by a 12th grade home economics class doing a project on Toga Trash.

And yet it still has something going for it, probably the resemblance to an actual Peplum film centered on court intrigue, heroism in the Arena, forbidden love for a comely slave girl, a vengeance that has waited as long as an Ernesto Gastaldi plot development, and a genuine sense of helplessness for those who are not of the elite ruling class. All of these themes were of course explored under the cold, clinical light of an actual X rating by CALIGULA, and while this film is definitely cashing in on the whole Debauched Roman History genre it serves a role that CALIGULA could not in it’s complete form, which is to appear to be actual mainstream entertainment. WARRIOR QUEEN is far less bloody, sadistic, lacks the actual hardcore sex inserts and ends a hell of a lot quicker. If someone was wanting to maybe get warmed up for CALIGULA this would be a good starter: If you like what you see here go for the gusto, and if not you’re only behind on life by another 79 minutes.

A lot of fuss is also made over the ‘unrated’ version, which I happened to have, and aside from some obscured male genitalia in the big orgy scene there really isn’t much here that is beyond a current-day MPAA R; The board may just have objected to the tone of the film in 1987. with the ‘unrated’ version is sort of a marketing ploy to sell rental tapes of a version that’s about 90 seconds longer. There’s a pretty good Snake Dance scene (always gotta love those) and some OK gladiator battle footage, but by the time they roll the stock shots of the volcano erupting at the end I was about done with this myself. If you want a perverse, overtly violent and sexualized Peplum but do not want to subject yourself to three hours of Macolm McDowall urinating on screen, here you go.

4/10: And yeah, the box cover is better than the movie.

She’s not exactly a queen and she doesn’t fight much…

…so the title (and the video cover) could be described as misleading. Sybil Danning does fight off a couple of attackers at the start, and does decapitate one guy with her sword later on, but that’s about it. Her character (the mistress of the Roman emperor) barely speaks in this movie. She looks unimpressed by what is going on around her and occasionally even yawns – reflecting the audience’s reactions perfectly! Donald Pleasence, as the ruler of Pompeii, is ludicrous; if Sybil doesn’t talk enough, Donald talks too much, and at least half of his dialogue is made up from the same three words, repeated ad nauseam: “My lovely highness”. The rest of the cast includes Rick – “Deathstalker” – Hill, and a Lou Ferrigno-lookalike, and some beautiful women. The movie has literally NO PLOT – for 55 minutes we are watching these people do nothing, until it’s time for Vesuvius to erupt and Pompeii to be destroyed. This climactic disaster sequence is OK for the budget standards of the movie, but it’s obvious that stock footage was inserted at some points. (*)

Sleazy historical trash. Now where can I find the longer version?

A word of warning: the Warrior Queen available on Amazon Prime is the R-Rated version which runs at a scant 69 minutes, ten minutes less than the director’s cut. What did I miss? Well, seeing as this film is from producers Harry Alan Towers and Aristede Massacesi (AKA Joe D’Amato), and porn director Chuck Vincent, I imagine a whole lot of sex and graphic violence.

The shorter version still has its moments though, since not all of the sleaze hit the cutting room floor, with lots of full frontal female nudity and a little gore to make the experience less painful (without it, the film would be close to unwatchable).

The plot for the film is virtually non-existent, with almost an hour of random Roman nonsense before the climactic eruption of Vesuvius and the destruction of Pompeii (largely consisting of scenes from another earlier movie and volcano stock footage). The build-up is a series of unexciting but occasionally bloody gladatorial contests, sleazy slave trading, rape, and assorted acts of deviancy, with Sybil Danning as the titular Warrior Queen, who spends most of her time looking bored and yawning as bumbling Pompeii official Clodius (Donald Pleasence) tries his best to entertain her, pitting his slaves in arm-wrestling to the death and hosting a games in her honour.

Despite Danning and Pleasence’s top billing, the real stars of the film are Rick Hill as charioteer Marcus and Tally Chanel as slavegirl Vespa, eye-candy for both sexes. Hunky Hill is all macho posturing while Chanel definitely makes up for the fact that Danning remains clothed throughout, the blonde stunner baring all. Look out too for porn-star Samantha Fox (not the singer) as Clodius’s wife Philomena and Lou Ferrigno lookalike Marco Tullio Cau as Goliath, Marcus’s rival in the arena.

4.5/10, rounded up to 5 for the hilarious sight of Pleasence catching doves in a net.

• Year: 2004
• Released: 12 Jun 2004
• Country: Germany, United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0362942/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/post_impact
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p,
• Language: English, Spanish
• MPA Rating: R
• Genre: Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
• Runtime: 90 min
• Writer: Torsten Dewi, Christoph Schrewe
• Director: Christoph Schrewe
• Cast: Dean Cain, Bettina Zimmermann, Joanna Taylor
• Keywords: ice age, satellite,

	3.3/10
	14% – Critics
	14% – Audience

Post Impact Storyline

Meteor Bay-Leder 7 struck earth on October 18th, 2012. Causing earthquakes, tidal waves, and a dust cloud that soon covered most of the Northern hemisphere, it changed the face of our planet forever. Leaving Russia destroyed, and turning Europe into a snow- covered »death zone«, Bay-Leder 7 was the end of civilization as we know it. For Tom Parker, head of security at the American Embassy in Berlin, it was also the end of all he held dear – having to leave his wife and his daughter in the German capitol, he effectively sentenced them to a cold death. Three years later, most of the survivors have set up shop in the habitable territories in the equator regions. It’s a harsh life, with little hope of Earth’s climate ever reverting back to normal. When a military command center registers a long forgotten experimental satellite going green, an expedition is set up to find the base from where it is controlled. Halfway across the »death zone« that was once Europe, the expedition’s plane is destroyed by a mysterious force, controlled from the ruins of Berlin, a city that was considered dead and buried – under 30 feet of ice and snow. Fearing a threat to the New United Northern States, the President orders a new expedition to find and destroy the base and the satellite. Tom Parker volunteers to lead a group of highly trained specialists on a suicide trek to Berlin – with ground vehicles, no reliable intel, and zero radio contact. He is determined to find out who is still living in Berlin – secretly hoping that his wife and daughter are among the survivors. Tom’s group also consists of Anna Starndorf, beautiful head of the company that owned and operated the satellite, Colonel Waters, the cynical military commander, and Sarah Henley, a former British SAS member # trained to kill. The flight to the outer circles of the »death zone« goes without a hitch. The expedition members suit up for the drop. Breaking through the clouds, the team gets its first real look at the world below: ice and snow, as far as the eye can see. Only a few buildings remain above snow level – including the Eiffel Tower. From there it’s an epic trek across the icy plains of central Europe to Berlin. When the group finally makes it to Berlin, Parker and his men find out that a group of survivors has found a new home in the subway system of the former German capitol. Their leader turns out to be Gregor Starndorf – Anna’s father. When he had discovered the means to activate the prototype microwave power satellite from an abandoned facility, he devised a brillant plan to use it to heat up the atmosphere over Europe, causing the weather to kickstart again. But there is someone in the facility who plans to exact revenge on a world that has seemingly abandoned them…—Press department Tandem Communications

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Post Impact Movie Reviews

Bad, but worth a few chuckles

Throw science out the window along with any ideas about plot development, character development and plausible story lines. The special effects are really “special,” too. Much of it looks like something you would see in a video game. In fact, I wonder if they didn’t just film some shots from a video game to save money.

I enjoyed the film, however, for the laughs. It keeps you wondering just how bad it can get. Just when you think it can’t get any sillier– it surprises you and does.

Just to give you an idea of how bad it is– the main character is supposedly obsessed with getting back to the zone where he left his wife and daughter, yet he quickly drops his gloom when this British chick sheds her clothes and joins him in the shower. Only moments later, he is clearly hitting on the German chick. Of course, we know he is sensitive and caring, because every now and then he drops his gaze and supposedly thinks of the family he abandoned.

This was a German co-production. I thought the Germans were smarter.

Truly awful; full of obvious holes

Someday I’m going to learn not to waste my time on made-for-TV movies shown on the Sci-Fi Channel (on USA cable). Admittedly, the special effects on this one were above its normal 1950’s B-movie level. Nevertheless, the plot is full of obvious holes that even a child would choke on (e.g., people being shot in all four limbs and still able to win a hand-to-hand fight against an expert fighter). The acting is wooden, the editing is abrupt and annoying, and much of the key dialogue is incomprehensible even with repeated playbacks on a good sound system using a digital feed.

This one isn’t worth watching even if you are terminally bored. Read a good book. Heck, read a BAD book; you wouldn’t have the intelligence to visit IMDb and own a book THAT bad…

Why I watch SciFi

(as they were known before their spell checker stopped working).

Don’t understand the venom here. The movie isn’t great, but it isn’t terrible either; don’t know the preferences of the other reviewers but I would watch movies like this before crap like Hostel or another remake of a 70s movie that wasn’t that good the first time.

Post-Impact is a mid-Europe production crew making a movie with an interesting premise; a comet strike renders northern Europe uninhabitable. After a rescue mission is destroyed by a microwave satellite controlled from the impact zone, a team moves in to discover the truth. The source is found, and it turns out not everyone on the team is working with the same agenda.

Yes, there are Euro-accents all over the place, the equipment is wrong, wrong, wrong (the .22 inserts on the M16s, and, well, pretty much everything about the military and government aspects). Sometimes it sounds like Hanz und Franz from SNL wrote and directed an action movie. But it’s a interesting premise, Dean Cain hits the marks and says the lines and it brings an interesting setting into your living room. Some characters have good turns.

No, it’s not great. Nevertheless, I find SciFi (no, I’m not going to write Syfy, because I am not Hooked on Phonics) movies more interesting than 99% of the crap and recycled garbage that comes out of the big entertainment houses these days.

No, really. No matter how bad the acting, how laughable the special effects, SciFi movies nearly always have a gem (sometimes a very tiny gem) in there, a premise or a characters or a setting which transcends the Robert McKee/focus-group fueled McMovies. Yes, you have to reach pretty deep into some of those things to pull out the diamond but it’s nearly always there, and it’s there in Post-Impact. Look for it.

• Year: 1961
• Released: 13 Jan 1961
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054793/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_dead_one
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: Not Rated
• Genre: Horror
• Runtime: 71 min
• Writer: Barry Mahon
• Director: Barry Mahon
• Cast: John McKay, Linda Ormond, Monica Davis
• Keywords: jazz, voodoo, new orleans, louisiana, zombie,

3.3/10

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The Dead One Movie Reviews

Extremely dull zombie horror wash-out

A vengeful voodoo priestess revives a hideous rotting zombie back from the dead so it can do her evil bidding. Sound good? Well, it just ain’t. Boy, does this clunker strike out something stinky in every possible way: The flat (non)direction by Barry Mahon (who also wrote the excruciatingly talky and uneventful script), the sluggish pacing, the insipid acting from a lame no-name cast (only Monica Davis brings any true vigor to her role as the bitter and bitchy Monica), an alarming dearth of tension and spooky atmosphere, a minimal body count (only two folks get killed in this flick!), the meandering narrative, the static cinematography which makes numbing overuse of cruddy master shots, and the blah limply-staged conclusion all make this one a gruelingly tedious chore to endure. On the plus side, Darlene Myrick looks mighty sexy as ditsy exotic dancer Bella Bella, there’s some flavorsome footage of the French Quarter in New Orleans, and the snazzy swinging jazz group The Joe Burton Trio make a neat appearance performing in a club. A real snorefest.

It’s cheap, nothing much happens…but I liked it anyway

Once a lost film, this piece of no-budget zombie hokum is a treat for lovers of B-flicks. It’s shot to about the same technical standard as the early H. G. Lewis films, but with less locations and effects work; it tells of a man revived from the dead by a sinister voodoo ritual, and his subsequent rampage through a remote farmhouse. Actually, the zombie – who looks pretty effective in his rotten yellow makeup and funeral suit – just kind of wanders around for a while, causes a woman to die of fright and then disappears in a puff of smoke, but that’s all right by me!

Cheese is the order of the day here, with a handful of cast members giving sometimes excruciating performances (Monica Davis is particularly appalling and it ‘s a wonder she had a career after this). The first half hour treats us to a show of New Orleans by night, complete with exotic dancers – the husband takes his new bride to a strip club on their honeymoon night, go figure – and plenty of musicians doing their thing. Then the action shifts to the remote farmhouse, where our central couple are joined by a dancer called Bella Bella and the black servants (slaves?) are fomenting unrest.

This zombie flick is slow paced and sometimes boring, with poor dialogue and worse acting. But I found myself liking it. It is what it is: it doesn’t make the mistake of trying too hard, and at just over an hour it doesn’t outstay its welcome, either. It’s a good example of the horror film at the beginning of the 1960s, when things were changing for the better, and Clyde Kelly’s shambolic zombie isn’t far off the creations Romero brought to life in NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. So, yeah. B-movie fans should enjoy this one.

Zombie classic

Writer/Director/Producer Barry Mahon, who gave us Santa and the Three Bears, started out with cheesy flicks like this one, also known as Blood of the Zombie.

Despite the low grade script by Mahon, and the Grade Z acting, this was a fascinating zombie picture, set appropriately in New Orleans.

John MacKay may be investigating fellow cops on “Law & Order” but this baby is in his early career. His wife, Linda Ormond, was probably too ashamed to make another movie, as was the zombie, Uncle Jonas (Clyde Kelly), who was the perfect zombie. he had the clothes and the walk and the movement down pat. He should be in the Zombie Hall of Fame, if there is one.

Good for a laugh and a look at the career work of Barry Mahon, an interesting character.

• Year: 2023
• Released: 10 Oct 2023
• Country: Romania
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt26898974/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/baieti_destepti
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: Romanian
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Action, Comedy, Romance
• Runtime: min
• Writer: N/A
• Director: Igor Cobileanski
• Cast: Sergiu Costache, Gabriel Costin, Cristian Iacob
• Keywords:

3.3/10

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Baieti Destepti Movie Reviews

When a bad script meets bad actors and an inept director

A truly badly scripted, acted, and directed movie. Foreign audiences might not catch the bad and utterly false acting but trust me, it is really awful.

While I am not an avid fan of all of the more famous directors of the so-called New Romanian Cinema (Porumboiu, Puiu, Mungiu), at least these guys know how to pick a good script, good actors, and how to direct a movie.

This is not the case of this director, Igor Cobileanski. I cannot help but wonder who was so stupid to finance it. If it was financed from state funds — which happens in the case of some films here — then the jury that decided to finance this movie should be fired. Avoid this movie at all costs!

I left after 20 minutes. My eyes would’ve melted otherwise

I cannot empasize how bad this movie is. The acting is just horrible… the scenes, the plot, the clichés. I honestly don’t know how Sergiu Costache and Olimpia Melinte accepted to play in such a kitschy and awfully bad movie.

Do not waste your time or money on this.

I cannot empasize how bad this movie is. The acting is just horrible… the scenes, the plot, the clichés. I honestly don’t know how Sergiu Costache and Olimpia Melinte accepted to play in such a kitschy and awfully bad movie.

I cannot empasize how bad this movie is. The acting is just horrible… the scenes, the plot, the clichés. I honestly don’t know how Sergiu Costache and Olimpia Melinte accepted to play in such a kitschy and awfully bad movie.

Just bad

I was excited for another romanian movie this autumn, but my expectations felt after 1 minute. Bad acting, sound mistakes, fight scenes mistakes, wrong cars for the story (what cop drives a new X6 in the world?), wrong wrong wrong.

In the last 30 minutes we started laughing in the cinema because how bad it is.

What can i say more. Just dont go to this movie. I feel bad for the few good actors, Sergiu and others, who tried their best, but Rubi and the main cop were awful. Also how can you hear that the a dialogue line was spelled wrong and dont try to correct it, how much time did it take to record again a 15 words sentence?

• Year: 2022
• Released: 01 Nov 2022
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt12227394/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/girl_with_a_gun
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Action
• Runtime: min
• Writer: Kevin M. White
• Director: Kevin M. White
• Cast: Patton Brantley, Trevor Chapman, Bruce Coen
• Keywords:

3.3/10

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Girl with a Gun Movie Reviews

• Year: 2013
• Released: 09 Jul 2013
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0463960/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_devil_you_know
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: Not Rated
• Genre: Mystery, Thriller
• Runtime: 76 min
• Writer: Alex Michaelides
• Director: James Oakley
• Cast: Rosamund Pike, Lena Olin, Dean Winters
• Keywords: career, blackmail,

3.3/10

The Devil You Know Storyline

Kathryn Vale (Lena Olin) is a reclusive ex-movie star with a dark secret and a daughter hoping to follow in her mother’s movie-star footsteps. When Kathryn attempts to make a career comeback, she is threatened by an anonymous blackmailer. The resulting events force Kathryn to confront the truth about herself and those around her.—Yahoo! Movies

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The Devil You Know Movie Reviews

A missed opportunity

Loosely based on, or at least inspired by the Lana Turner, Cheryl Crane, Johnny Stompanato murder, The Devil You Know shows all the signs of having run out of money during principal photography. Valiant attempts to stretch what footage there was into a feature film and give it a stilted, 90s European art-house feel resulted in a 72 minute, stylish mess. That said, the film has its strengths, not least the principal performances. IMDb’s Trivia section shows Lesley Ann Warren as having been replaced by Lena Olin. If true, the filmmakers fell on their collective feet. Olin’s perfectly cast as the fading star, as is Molly Price as her PA. The real star performance, though, belongs to Rosamund Pike as the daughter in constant fear of being eclipsed. Pike’s a great actress in search of the perfect role. She was extremely good as a Bond girl, albeit too subtle for the core audience and she was wonderful in Gone Girl but this is her best performance to date. A perfect portrayal of a daughter locked into a battle with the mother from hell and with plenty of her own demons. And therein lies the attraction of The Devil You Know. At its core, it’s a great depiction of a deeply flawed mother daughter relationship. Pointless to speculate on what might have been with solid financing and a firmer hand at the helm. Instead, enjoy for what it is. Warts and all.

Is this the best they could come up with?

I just watched Rosamund Pikes’ Return to Sender and was hoping this movie would be better. In fact, it was a lot worse! Many of the scenes had no point, most of the actors were way to serious and uncomfortable looking. The directing was awful and this film was a complete waste of time. There was no tension that a thriller usually has. It was too tedious and seemed like nobody even wanted to make this movie. I don’t get it because Lena and Pikes are pros, especially Lena Olin, who’s been doing movies forever! It doesn’t make sense that they would put out such a poorly made movie like this. The ending was beyond stupid. The movie scores/music was the best part – actually the only good part, except for the constant filming of the girls’ legs in the movie.

Why

The movie is 1 hour and 15 minutes long, 12 minutes of those are credits. Half or more of the movie is characters walking, driving, doing nothing DRAMATICALLY with a background music. Script is purposefully confusing in a bad way unfortunately but the plot actually have potential though. With that said you’re gonna yawn from start to finish even with the fact that it’s just an hour long movie. There’s no point watching this unless you want to accomplish some questionable achievement like watching all JLaw movies or something like that.

• Year: 2024
• Released: 11 Jan 2024
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt29345624/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/dragons_on_the_hill
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Comedy
• Runtime: 80 min
• Writer: Zach Hamer
• Director: Zach Hamer
• Cast: Nathan Hamer, Kent Loomer, Jon Meggison
• Keywords:

3.3/10

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Dragons on the Hill Movie Reviews

• Year: 2005
• Released: 31 Aug 2006
• Country: United States, Romania
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0411806/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/return_of_the_living_dead_rave_to_the_grave
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: R
• Genre: Comedy, Horror, Sci-Fi
• Runtime: 86 min
• Writer: William Butler, Aaron Strongoni
• Director: Ellory Elkayem
• Cast: Peter Coyote, Aimee-Lynn Chadwick, Cory Hardrict
• Keywords: halloween, rave, undead, sequel, zombie, drugs,

	3.3/10
	16% – Critics
	16% – Audience

Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave Storyline

While illegally selling one canister of Trioxyin-5, Charlie Garrison is murdered by a zombie. His nephew Julian Garrison finds two canisters hidden in the attic of his house with his girlfriend Jenny and they ask their friend Cody to analyze and research the chemical product. Cody finds that the composition of the product is very similar to ecstasy and he processes the chemical, making a large quantity of a drug that he called “Z” to make money. Using the services of the local drug dealer, they sell “Z” in the college campus. In the Halloween, the DJ and Jenny’s brother Jeremy organizes a rave party. Meanwhile, Julian, Jenny and Cody disclose that the drug transform the users in zombies, and with the support of two weird agents, they try to stop the distribution of “Z”.—Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

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Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave Movie Reviews

…and you thought pt. 4 was as bad as it gets!

Man, there are gonna be some seriously ticked-off fans. I mean, I’m a fan of the first 3 films (mostly 1 and 3) but I’m talking about the “die-hards” who are gonna be even more ticked than me because after 2 years of “in-the-making”, THIS is what they come up with.

Sci-Fi channel can make all of the bad movies-of-the-week that it wants but making sequels to cult favorites like “Return of the Living Dead” is, well, they should really just know better.

As if part 4 wasn’t bad enough (and it was awful), we get treated to something even worse: part 5. Having absolutely no redeeming qualities, it essentially plays like a 2-hour demonstration of what not to do when making a movie. Not even once does it rise to “so bad it’s good” status as it’s clear the writer and director aren’t aware of ANY of the rules to good “bad movie”-making…such as this one: “Plot holes can exist as long as there is enough action to distract the viewer from focusing on them,”

The makers of this film apparently think every viewer has the IQ of a coat hanger because the plot holes come fast and steady from the beginning through to the end. Within the first ten minutes, we find ourselves asking: “Why is it that some of the high-school students in the P.E. class look to be about 30 years old?”, “Where did the note about the guy’s uncle come from?”, “How can the main character have lived in his house for years (judging by the dust in the attic) without ever knowing about that secret room?” and “What exactly did Peter Coyote do to deserve this?” and then later, my favorite: “What high school lets unsupervised students use syringes on laboratory rats?” Meanwhile, we get mostly bad dialogue scenes instead of action (or camera work, atmosphere, good music, good dialogue scenes…really, take your pick), to go with these glaring questions.

Believe me, I’m not nit-picking. I normally don’t mind plot-holes in otherwise entertaining movies. If I was able to overlook them while watching “House of the Dead”, I’d say I’m pretty forgiving. I don’t think a movie has to be completely in sync with reality, but come on, at least make an effort!

Here, it’s obvious that someone was just too lazy or too inept to fix them…and that is just one problem that needs fixing! What about the fact that the zombies not only talk, but when they do, they sound just like…humans?! (Well, actually, that was more the case in part 4. Here, they only really talk when the opportunity for a lame one-liner presents itself.) Still, what about the fact that they feel pain? Or that they run (but only when convenient)? Honestly, I think this was made by people who have never seen a single zombie flick. If you don’t agree, then explain the makeup effects because, let me tell you: gray face powder and latex cheekbones do not a zombie make.

Like I said, fans are gonna be ticked and die-hards may well storm the Sci-Fi Channel HQ. They would have been wise to change this to a stand-alone film instead of a sequel, but as it is, maybe “Return of the Living Dead 5: Dig Your Own Grave” would have been a better title.

A great piece of s***

This is a horrible, horrible movie. Do not watch this if you’re looking for quality. If however, you are looking for something to laugh at, this might be a good pick. There are some genuinely ridiculous elements, some quotably bad lines, and some comically low-budget special effects. And there are breasts. It is 86 minutes of brain-hungry lab rats, cheerleaders getting bitten in the butt, and ambiguously foreign bad guys that end up dressed like female vikings. The fact that the climax takes place at a rave, and that the movie came out about five years after rave culture effectively died out, makes it even more campy and off-target. I had a hard time deciding whether to give this movie just one star, or all 10. I believe it is a success because it does actually achieve something. It’s easy to make a film that is mediocre, say, four or five stars, but you know there’s something special when it’s really this bad.

Poor ending to a horror series

This final (?) film in the Return Of The Living Dead horror film franchise puts a final nail in the lid of the coffin for this series. The film has little to do with previous entries, except for the Trioxcin gas found in the barrels. Supposedly this is a sequel to part 4. Some of the main characters return, true. They have graduated from high school and are now in college. The problem lies in the fact that they have all seemingly forgotten what befell them in the previous film. So when the barrel with the gas and the zombies do show up, it is as if it is all brand new. Heck, even main character Julian seems to have forgotten that he hates his uncle (Peter Coyote in a very small cameo) after the events of the last film. The zombies are not very exciting visually (mostly some grey skin and latex cheekbones) and the rules of how they act seem to change as the story decrees it necessary. For instance, at times they can run and later on they can only shuffle about. Its too bad that the series had to go out on such a low note. It really did deserve better than this.

• Year: 2023
• Released: 14 Jul 2023
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt28361249/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/yule_log
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Horror, Thriller
• Runtime: 71 min
• Writer: N/A
• Director: Mark Polonia
• Cast: Jeff Kirkendall, Michael Korotitsch, Tim Hatch
• Keywords:

3.3/10

Yule Log Storyline

Two friends take their buddy to a secluded cabin to take his mind off the recent loss of his wife. What they don’t expect is a night of terror after they unknowingly burn wood from a tree that has grown from a mound once used to burn a powerful witch. The cursed timber re-awakens dark spirits and creatures, forcing them, and a stranded woman, to fight for their lives during the Night of Mothers. This Yule Log burns forever, in hell.

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Yule Log Movie Reviews

No, just no…

Now, of course I had never even heard about this 2023 horror movie titled “Yule Log”. But with it being a horror movie that I hadn’t already seen, of course I opted to sit down and watch the movie. Actually, the movie’s cover was interesting enough to make me pick it up.

But as the movie started and I saw that it was Mark Polonia who directed it, my expectations went from slim to none. He has some really, really questionable movies to his name. Yet, I still opted to give “Yule Log” a fair chance.

The storyline in “Yule Log” was not great. I didn’t really grasp what the idea and the concept behind the script was. So writer Aaron Drake failed to entertain me with what he conjured up here for director Mark Polonia to bring to the screen.

The acting performances in “Yule Log” very amateurish, wooden, rigid and questionable. But then again, that is something you would expect from a Mark Polonia movie.

The movie looks like something that was filmed with someone’s parents digital home video camera.

The movie’s cover was actually the best thing about this amateurish attempt of film making.

My rating of “Yule Log” lands on a one out of ten stars.

• Year: 2023
• Released: 21 May 2023
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt12971854/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/creepypasta
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English, Spanish
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Horror
• Runtime: min
• Writer: David Bond, Gregory S. Burkart, Vincent Vena Cava
• Director: Carlos Cobos Aroca, Berkley Brady, Mikel Cravatta
• Cast: Joie Bauer, Fernando Boza, Silvia Casanova
• Keywords: abandoned house, internet, creepypasta, horror anthology,

	3.3/10
	22% – Critics
	22% – Audience

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Creepypasta Movie Reviews

A collection of pointless vignettes

What if we sat a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters and waited for them to churn out something vaguely similar to VHS? This is it. The framing device is similar. The segments are for people who think the ones in ABCs of Death are too nuanced and bloated. There is nothing good about this movie. I have watched more terrible anthology horror than almost anyone and will continue to make the same terrible error in judgment over and over but this really should be my rock bottom. Spare yourself. Go watch Creepshow or Cat’s Eye or Bodybags or Southbound. Watching any of those for the 10th time will be orders of magnitude more satisfying.

Awful movie

I was so excited there was a CreepyPasta movie coming out, but this was so disappointing. It’s supposed to be about a guy trying to get a hard drive that has “incriminating evidence” on him, and for some reason he has to watch a bunch of CreepyPasta stories to get to it. The movie consists mostly of watching this guy have a nose bleed, and watching bloody nose guy watch really bad short films (as an anthology style). All of this movie was bad- bad acting, bad CGI, bad costumes, bad story line, bad plot holes, and just an overall insult to true CreepyPastas.

The girls voice who “narrates” the film is extremely irritating. Not sure what she had to do with the movie. I *think* she was supposed to be missing, like kidnapped? But the story line made no sense so I’m not really sure.

Why was the main character guy’s nose bleeding? Why did he never wipe it off, and why did he pee blood? Why were some of the CreepyPasta films in Spanish with no subtitles? If you don’t speak Spanish, two of the films stories will make no sense.

I pushed through to the end hoping this film would redeem itself. It never did. The only reason I rated this movie two stars is because it was about CreepyPastas, and I truly love those stories. There was a “Ben Drowned” Easter egg in the film, so that was cool.

Don’t waste your time

Utterly terrible. There is nothing “creepy” in any of these stories on this anthology. Having sat through it all – so disapointed. I expected something actually spooky – but 3/4s of the stories used were not made to be put into any other media than the written word. Sometimes they juust dont translate – so we get this horribly done artistic interpetations to suffer through.

There are plenty of better low-budget horror flicks out there. Don’t let this one suck your free time away like I allowed it to.

This movie wants to be V/H/S and ends up being more like a college project. Woof. Just stay away.

• Year: 2023
• Released: 14 Jul 2023
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt28361249/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/yule_log
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Horror, Thriller
• Runtime: 71 min
• Writer: N/A
• Director: Mark Polonia
• Cast: Jeff Kirkendall, Michael Korotitsch, Tim Hatch
• Keywords:

3.3/10

Yule Log Storyline

Two friends take their buddy to a secluded cabin to take his mind off the recent loss of his wife. What they don’t expect is a night of terror after they unknowingly burn wood from a tree that has grown from a mound once used to burn a powerful witch. The cursed timber re-awakens dark spirits and creatures, forcing them, and a stranded woman, to fight for their lives during the Night of Mothers. This Yule Log burns forever, in hell.

Yule Log Photos

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Yule Log Subtitles Download

Yule Log Movie Reviews

No, just no…

Now, of course I had never even heard about this 2023 horror movie titled “Yule Log”. But with it being a horror movie that I hadn’t already seen, of course I opted to sit down and watch the movie. Actually, the movie’s cover was interesting enough to make me pick it up.

But as the movie started and I saw that it was Mark Polonia who directed it, my expectations went from slim to none. He has some really, really questionable movies to his name. Yet, I still opted to give “Yule Log” a fair chance.

The storyline in “Yule Log” was not great. I didn’t really grasp what the idea and the concept behind the script was. So writer Aaron Drake failed to entertain me with what he conjured up here for director Mark Polonia to bring to the screen.

The acting performances in “Yule Log” very amateurish, wooden, rigid and questionable. But then again, that is something you would expect from a Mark Polonia movie.

The movie looks like something that was filmed with someone’s parents digital home video camera.

The movie’s cover was actually the best thing about this amateurish attempt of film making.

My rating of “Yule Log” lands on a one out of ten stars.

• Year: 2023
• Released: 01 Jan 2023
• Country: United Kingdom
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt27728541/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/frisky_business
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Drama
• Runtime: 93 min
• Writer: Tom Bakker, Ignacio Juricic Merillán, Gabriel Oliva
• Director: Yu-Tong Weng
• Cast: Andrew Bargsted, Thor Braun, Lars Brinkman
• Keywords: drag queen, lgbt, gay theme,

3.3/10

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