• Year: 2005
• Released: 14 Sep 2005
• Country: United States
• Adwords: 1 nomination
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0353324/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_crow_wicked_prayer
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: R
• Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy
• Runtime: 99 min
• Writer: Norman Partridge, James O’Barr, Lance Mungia
• Director: Lance Mungia
• Cast: Yuji Okumoto, Marcus Chong, Tito Ortiz
• Keywords: martial arts, superhero, supernatural, black magic, redemption, crow,

	3.0/10
	35% – Critics
	false% – Audience

The Crow: Wicked Prayer Storyline

Jimmy Cuervo is a down-on-his-luck ex-con living in a polluted mining town on a reservation that would run him out of town if not for the remainder of his probation. With his time nearly finished, he plans to start a new life with his girlfriend Lily , and leave the town for good. But Luc Crash and Lola Byrne head up a local gang of local Satanists who murder Jimmy and Lily in a brutally ritualistic slaying that they hope will conjure the rebirth of the Antichrist. When the legend of the Crow returns Jimmy from the dead, Jimmy heads out on a one-man path of vengeance that will lead him to El Nino, the leader of the gang that Luc and Lola are in.—Todd Baldridge

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The Crow: Wicked Prayer Movie Reviews

Easily the Weakest of the Four

Greetings I’m afraid Crow fans are going to be in for a disappointment. ‘Wicked Prayer’, it starts out quite strong but rapidly loses steam. David Boreanaz, who should be well known by now at the very least for excellent villains, is not given much room here. I don’t think it was his fault; what he could do, he did do but the role just didn’t have much.

The plot is lacking seriously, the mythology is entirely corrupted (The Crows power does NOT come from love thank you very much), and the fight scenes, aside from the initial murder, are pathetic.

Which is a shame really because there was a half hearted effort to make the four bad guys, Famine, Pestilence, War and Death more than just another series of bad guys like T-Bird’s gang, and Curve’s boys or those cops in the underrated third movie. They were, from time to time unnerved by the violence, but this plot thread was crushed by how easily and half-heartedly they were lured back to evil deeds.

The biggest disappointment was their ends; perhaps it was budget constraints but there was near zero visceral satisfaction. I’m bloodthirsty, sue me.

Also a lot of the drama, what little of it was built up, was totally savaged by Danny Tregjo’s native American ‘Crow Dance’. Tregjo makes one of the bad-assest Mexican bag-guys/evil doers/violence loving vigilantes on screen today. He can even pull off a good priest and a so-so mourning father. What he cannot do, tattoo laden pectoral muscles flopping around like half empty water balloons, is a American Indian ceremonial dance. Not, at least, without my jaw hitting the floor before I follow after holding my ribs in a fit of hysterics.

I was incredibly sceptical of Eddie Furlong in the title role but heard good things from the crew on the film and, having seen him in the irony mask, felt my concern ebb. Truth be told he did have a few good moments but his pain was never convincing, not for one. single. second. Acting enraged, pained, tormented is a key part of the Crow’s character and he just did not have it. He can’t even compare to Vincent Perez’s little tantrum in front of Spider Monkey. Don’t even try to contrast Furlong with Mabius’ first humorous curiosity, then growing rage, or God Forbid, Brandon Lee’s near perfect representation of pain.

My biggest beef? The lighting. The entire movie was well lit. No darkness, no shadows. Everyone meandered about either in full time sun, or well lit night scenes. And that was a physical representation of this entire film: It wasn’t dark enough.

The Crow: Wicked Prayer, easily the weakest of the four. While I hate to admit it I think this franchise has gone as far as it can.

I remain, as always, Mad-Hamlet

Quoth the raven…”Please, no more!”

In the year 1993, Brandon Lee created a very memorable, dark & beautiful character: The Crow. The movie, with an exceptional script, smart direction, excellent photography and a brilliant cast, it truly one of my all time favorites. Everything from the look of the film, the characters (especially Lee as the Crow), the phenomenal soundtrack and the overall story of love being stronger than death – I was hooked! I love that film! I saw it in theaters no less than 8 times.

CITY OF ANGELS was a shallow, bastardized attempt to cash in on the success of the first film. In some ways, ANGELS almost ripped-off the original, but in a way that makes me loathe the film. Very disappointing!

SALVATION, the third in the series was…I can’t even remember. I saw it once, and do not remember being overwhelmed by it or feeling anything for it.

And now, 2005 brings back the return of The Crow with WICKED PRAYER. Unlike the first three films, this one takes place in the desert, near an Indian reservation. I must admit, I was impressed with the cinematography on this film. The desert scenes, the flashback scenes, all were well done and looked great.

So…what do I think of the film? The direction? The acting? For starters the direction of this film was all too often sloppy. It appeared, more times than not, the film was confused with where it wanted to go. The characters seemed stuck into scenes, with little to no direction, and carried scenes with no skill. Each set up seemed and felt under-rehearsed and underdeveloped.

Edward Furlong is by NO stretch of my imagination an acceptable Crow! Looking too much like a gay goth groupie, instead of a vengeful angel set to make the wrong things right. His costume appeared to steal too much from the original. I felt his performance was bland and tasteless. There was no emotion displayed by his character. I did not feel pity or sorry for him, or what happens to him. I was no convinced that his love was so undying that he could be brought back from the dead. He is no Brandon Lee! I mean, come on: “Quoth the Raven, Nevermore. Motherf**ker!” What kind of crap writing is that? Boreanez is wasted in this film. Though, he has not impressed me much with previous roles such as Adam Carr in VALENTINE, I still feel he is a solid actor and really can pull off the bad guy look. However, in WICKED PRAYER, it never feels like we are 100% sure of what he is doing or why. OK, I get that he is performing a ritual to become a demon or devil, but where did this come from? What is in motivation? World domination? I don’t think we will ever know.

Tara Reid….Ugh! And Macy Gray?!?!? And what was up with Dennis Hopper, in what could only be his worst performance.

None of the cast is able to save this mess! Very upsetting to see the series continue to be treated this way. What started out 12 years ago with such an inspiring beginning, is continuing to fall further down the spiral of sequel Hell!

Yes, This might be one of the worst movies in history!

I started out watching this movie with an open mind, keeping it that way until it was all over. But what I found was; a large piece of junk… Badly acted, badly filmed, badly directed and very badly written!

I love the first movie, but I have not yet seen the second two… But this one was one of the worst movies I have ever seen, alongside city of fear, that is.

It was SO bad, I can’t even try to explain it, but I just want to warn you all, it’s BAD! (Not Micheal Jackson bad… Just plain old bad) Edward, David, Tara, Danny and Dennis all reach a new low in this movie.. And under no circumstance would Edward Furlong ever make a good crow… What on earth were they thinking here? And what was Dennis Hopper doing in this one? He tried to sound like a pimp, but ended up sounding worse than Chinese-water-torture… (Probably not his fault though… I think I blame the writers) Also; David, Danny, Edward and Tara have all appeared in good movies before, proving their ability to act… It’s just this movie that drags their names trough the dirt… Making Edward a dirty s*** after this one and Pet Cemetary2…

I give this movie a 2… since I’m in a good mood…

• Year: 1984
• Released: N/A
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091561/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/blood_theatre
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: R
• Genre: Comedy, Horror
• Runtime: 75 min
• Writer: Rick Sloane
• Director: Rick Sloane
• Cast: Mary Woronov, Jenny Cunningham, Jonathan Blakely
• Keywords: haunting, killer ghost, movie theater, low budget,

3.0/10

Blood Theatre Storyline

A haunted movie theater is the setting of many bizarre murders, (i.e. “popcorned” to death in the popcorn machine), in this sleazy horror spoof.—Philip Brubaker

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Blood Theatre Movie Reviews

• Year: 2010
• Released: 24 Feb 2010
• Country: United States, Germany
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1265621/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/quantum_apocalypse
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: Unrated
• Genre: Action, Adventure, Drama
• Runtime: 95 min
• Writer: Leigh Scott
• Director: Justin Jones
• Cast: Rhett Giles, Stephany Jacobsen, Stuart Lafferty
• Keywords: doomsday,

3.0/10

Quantum Apocalypse Storyline

In the city of Parish, the Major Ben Marshall lives with his autistic brother Terry, his son Leo, his daughter Samantha and his second wife Lynne. When a comet changes its route and collides on Earth, the scientists discover that an anomaly is the cause and they bring two geniuses to join their team in the research. They find that the anomaly is a gravitational vacuum indeed and mankind is doomed to annihilation. But Terry convinces his brother Ben to drive him to Houston to save the planet.—Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

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Quantum Apocalypse Movie Reviews

Awful beyond any description

I don’t why I keep watching these SyFy movies, mostly it’s because of curiosity or that there is nothing else interesting on. I do dislike a lot of their output, but I have only despised about 6 so far other than this(2010:Moby Dick, The Apocalypse, Titanic II, Mega Piranha, Dinocroc vs. Supergator and Alien vs. Hunter).

Quantum Apocalypse is down there with the movies of theirs I despised. It is an awful film beyond any description and has no redeeming qualities. The camera work and editing are so static it is painful on the eyes and the effects are crude and look fake. The script is cheesy and full of holes and there is some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard in my life.

And to make things worse, the direction is pretty much wretched, the pace meanders all over the place and the story is dull and hard to take. The characters are so poorly written and stereotypical I did not care for them at all, while the acting is dreadful, even those who visibly try are bad.

All in all, awful and one of the worst SyFy movies you’ll ever see. 0/10 Bethany Cox

Disastrous Nonsense

I am the type of guy, who can watch Commando with Arnie and enjoy it, as well as watch An Andalusian Dog by Luis Bunuel and enjoy it too. I like great movies but time to time I enjoy bad ones, even the movies that are UBER-BAD, in “so bad that it’s good” sense.

This one is not the case. You will actually feel the physical pain while trying to watch this thing.

Why didn’t I turn off the screen after halfway through? Well, to be honest, I just HAD to know how far the idiocy can go.

Now about flaws…

1. When you have budget of 2,5 lemons, just DON’T, don’t try to make another 2012 movie. (2012 was bad enough even with it’s big bag budget). Effects were not only horrible in technical way, but most of them were making no sense whatsoever.

2. It’s not necessary to find a star for your movie. There are lots of talented people who can act and are not stars. In fact, I like bad acting, cause It makes me laugh. But in this film, you will not see even that. Except some of the actors who OVERACT terribly, you can’t find ANY acting at all.

3. Scientific background of the story: OK… how many times do I have to use the word nonsense? In fact, transsexual giraffe, trying to take over the world with the help of green cockroaches, sounds more believable than the bubble that characters use here to justify the existence of this rubbish.

4. Characters. Well, you just CAN’T swallow it. In fact I think that’s where the genius of the director of this movie is hidden. It is really, really hard to create characters, more unbelievable than the ones in this movie. Movie makers just set the milestone in that direction I think.

5. Plot. Well, at least I can’t say that there were many plot holes. Because, to have a plot-hole, first of all you need to have a plot. Does this film have one? NO!

Overall! Terrible, unwatchable movie!

Unbelievably Absurd and Lame… and with Fake Reviews

In the city of Parish, the Major Ben Marshall lives with his autistic brother Terry, his son Leo, his daughter Samantha and his second wife Lynne. When a comet changes its route and collides on Earth, the scientists discover that an anomaly is the cause and they bring two geniuses to join their team in the research. They find that the anomaly is a gravitational vacuum indeed and mankind is doomed to annihilation. But Terry convinces his brother Ben to drive him to Houston to save the planet.

“Quantum Apocalypse” is an unbelievably absurd and lame film. It is amazing how awful it is: story, screenplay, director, cast, special effects, characters, nothing works in this terrible movie. I found strange that three users “loved” this crap and I found the typical of fake reviews since the three users have only one review in IMDb. Unfortunately I am not able to go back to the past like in the story and in the end I lost 94 minutes of my life watching this dreadful film. My vote is one.

Title (Brazil): “O Apocalipse” (“The Apocalypse”)

• Year: 2009
• Released: 14 Aug 2009
• Country: Canada
• Adwords: 1 win
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1228963/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/bikini_girls_on_ice
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: Not Rated
• Genre: Horror, Thriller
• Runtime: 82 min
• Writer: Geoff Klein, Jeff Ross
• Director: Geoff Klein
• Cast: Cindel Chartrand, Danielle Doetsch, William Jarand
• Keywords: bikini, slasher,

3.0/10

Bikini Girls on Ice Storyline

When a bus-load of womens college soccer players get stranded on their way to a bikini car-wash fundraiser, they decide to set-up shop in front of an abandoned gas station on the edge of town. Little do they know the place is the stalking-grounds for a homicidal maniac mechanic named Moe.

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Bikini Girls on Ice Movie Reviews

Not appearing at an ice-rink near you this Christmas.

The title of this film puts me in mind of those figure-skating shows they put on at Christmas—only in this case, instead of Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty On Ice, it would be hot babes in itsy-bitsy bikinis performing the choctaws, camel spins, and triple salchows with a twist to the strains of Bolero (sadly, I imagine such an event is unlikely to happen due to the high risk of hypothermia).

Anyway, enough of these flights of fantasy… in reality, Bikini Girls On Ice is a routine slasher the likes of which we have seen many times before, only this time around the helpless female victims are a bunch of hot college girls in sexy swim-wear hoping to raise some cash by holding a bikini car-wash. En route to the location of the event, their bus breaks down outside an abandoned gas station, home to a hulking, wheezing, sweaty, lank-haired maniac called Moe who puts his prey into freezers packed with ice (hence the title!).

Exactly who Moe is, why he does what he does, and how come no-one has ever called in the cops to investigate is never explained, and that’s just a few of the reasons why this movie sucks, even with the ever present sight of curvaceous cuties jiggling their bits in front of the camera. Other reasons why this films bites: only one pair of bare breasts; virtually no gore; extremely dumb characters; a killer who is able to pop up wherever he likes—the list goes on…

What I fail to understand is how anyone can make such a dreary film from such a simple set-up. You got a drooling inbred psycho and half a dozen sexy girls wearing nothing but scraps of material (the sort of garments that can be removed with one easy tug)—how hard can it really be to turn that into a reasonably entertaining movie?

3.5 out of 10, very generously rounded up to 4 for all the pretty ladies.

Pointless teen slasher.

Bikini Girls on Ice starts as a group of several teenage college friends prepare to raise some funds by holding a bikini car wash where several hot teenage girls wearing very revealing bikini’s will wash your car, for money. Brother’s Blake (Tarek Gader) & Tommy (Ivan Peric) have laid on the transport, an old school bus that breaks down on the way to wherever they are going. Stuck at an old, seemingly abandoned gas station the girls decide to hold their bikini car wash there to make the best out of a bad situation. However all is not well as a psycho mechanic gas station attendant named Moe (William Jarand) start to kill them all one by one…

This Canadian production was co-written, co-produced & directed by Geoff Klein & is really scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of entertainment value, basically Bikini Girls on Ice is one of the most simplistic & pointless films I can remember seeing. Even as a teen slasher Bikini Girls on Ice is shallow, a group of good looking teens, most of whom are virtually naked save for some skimpy bikini’s, break down in an isolated area & then start getting killed by some psycho. Character background is none existent, we know the girls are friends but other than that they are cardboard cutouts, the killer is just a guy who doesn’t say anything & whenever he kills someone he puts their body in ice for no apparent reason, we never discover who he is or why he is a psycho killer or even how he manages to keep a job as a mechanic down & the ending which suggest a sequel is baffling, I mean didn’t one of the girls make it out alive? Didn’t she like tell the police that some psycho killed all her friends? At only 80 minutes long Bikini Girls on Ice still drags badly, nothing & I repeat nothing happens between the killing & once the gimmick of seeing the female cast walking around in bikini’s becomes boring there is zero else here to enjoy. There’s no plot, there’s no explanations, no reasoning & dumb character’s you don’t care about along with several groan inducing moments like the girls opening the car trunk at the end (how did Moe get inside the trunk, close it & return the keys to the gas station for the girls to find?), why when Moe attacks them don’t the girls get back in the car & drive off after they injure him?

The gore & kill scenes fail to impress & are pretty poor too, almost all of the murders are Moe hitting someone with something but the way the murders are shot it’s filmed from the perspective of the victim so it just looks like Moe is hitting the camera lens & while there’s a bit of blood splatter there’s nothing graphic here apart from a gory slit throat which gushes blood is the films only proper special effect. Despite the title & obvious exploitation roots there’s no real nudity, I think only one girl gets nude while the other’s manage to keep their bikini’s on. I will say that Bikini Girls on Ice is well made though, it has a certain slick look that isn’t going to win any awards for style but looks polished.

Filmed in Montréal in Québec in Canada the production values are better than expected but the film still sucks. The acting isn’t great, the girls look nice enough but that’s the best thing I can say about them.

Bikini Girls on Ice has a great sounding title (the sort of title Troma would have dreamed up) but as a film it’s the pits, the plot is as bare bones as they come, even for a teen slasher & it’s nowhere near exploitative enough with little or no gore & not much in the way of proper nudity either.

the title says it, bikini’s

If you are a horror geek you can’t get a better title than Bikini Girls On Ice. One reason to give Geoff Klein (director and writer) a big cheer. Secondly, they knew how to promote their slasher, put a girl on the cover of the DVD wearing a revealing bikini, another cheer. So far the good points, sadly it’s down hill from here on. It’s really a slasher but one we have seen a thousand times. Nothing is explained about the killer, not who he is or why he’s killing or why he use ice. Of course, once the girls have a break down with their bus on the way to a bikini car wash they’ve been warned by a local that something is terrible wrong with the abandoned gas station. The killer itself is believable but there is no gore in it. It’s all filmed from the view of the victim so you only see him hitting and smashing heads. Now and then you see a bit of blood spurting on the lens. Just at the end it is enjoyable due the suspense given. And then there are of course the girls. Admit it, you not only watched it for the horror but also for the juggs. And it’s a bit flat (no pun intended) on that way too. With a title like that you expect that the bikini’s will be removed, well I have to disappoint you freaks, just one girl show her titties. And talking about their boobs, I guess the Americans will be disappointed by the ‘natural’ breasts by the girls. For the other geeks worldwide, there are no two-a penny fake tits wannabees. Maybe Suzi Lorraine has fake ones, she’s the most loaded of them all. And have a look, the title really worked, I’m talking more about that than about the horror.

• Year: 2018
• Released: 13 Dec 2018
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt9459550/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/american_kamasutra
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Drama, Romance
• Runtime: 88 min
• Writer: Paul Fishbein, Jacky St. James
• Director: Jacky St. James
• Cast: Ashlynn Yennie, Justin Berti, Raylin Joy
• Keywords:

3.0/10

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An Honest Review

OK, the ONE other review is dead on. It is “50 Shades” without any real sex or nudity, but enough language to get the same rating.

And that kind of makes it a very dull watch, given that the point of seeing movies like this is, well, erotica. So why make a film that is erotica without any real erotica?

I’m unhappy

This is another “Mommy porn” “50 Shades” rip off. Ashley (Ashlynn Yennie ) leaves her relationship because of lousy sex and moves in with two girls who have casual and uninhibited sex. They do bondage, role-playing, and get taken from behind a lot. A sex author provides some conflict.

The acting and script were downright bad.

Guide: F-word. sex. brief nudity.

Just go to the original

This movie is basically a shorter version of the TV Show Submission. They took the episodes of Submission, took out the erotic, nudity, and sex scenes, and this is what you have left. A completely pointless endeavor.

• Year: 2016
• Released: 26 Jul 2016
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5901326/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/ice_sharks
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: TV-14
• Genre: Action, Adventure, Comedy
• Runtime: 85 min
• Writer: Emile Edwin Smith
• Director: Emile Edwin Smith
• Cast: Edward DeRuiter, Jenna Parker, Kaiwi Lyman
• Keywords: mutation, shark attack, arctic polar circle region, shark, polar research station,

	3.0/10
	32% – Critics
	32% – Audience

Ice Sharks Storyline

Deep in the inhospitable Arctic Circle, at the remote Oasis polar base, a brutal attack by a powerful but unexpected predator terrorises the scientists of the floating research station that is now rapidly sinking in the freezing waters. As the temperature rises due to global warming, and the ice sheet becomes thinner, the prehistoric and hungry-for-human-flesh sharks of the Arctic Ocean find their way into the surface, feeding off the unprotected humans. Now, trapped inside the damaged facility, and with a limited supply of air, the survivors will have to make do with what they’ve got to stay alive. But can they outsmart the ferocious ice sharks?—Nick Riganas

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Ice Sharks Movie Reviews

Another run-of-the-mill shark movie…

Right, well let’s just be honest and agree to the fact that right from the very beginning then “Ice Sharks” doesn’t really have the odds stacked to its favor, now does it? I mean, this is after all another shark movie set in an environment that normally does not encourage shark activity as such.

But hey, shark movies do come in an abundance especially in strange environments. There are “Swamp Sharks”, “Sand Sharks”, “Avalanche Sharks”, “Atomic Sharks”, and the list goes on and one.

So why do we watch these movies when they have the odds stacked against them? Well, personally I do enjoy the campy and cheesy movies like this. They usually turn out to be hilarious, just as they turn out to have more than questionable special effects.

And “Ice Sharks” is no different.

The story here is about a group of researchers or scientists working in the frigid Arctic, when they become prey to a particularly aggressive type of sharks.

The special effects in “Ice Sharks” were adequate, although you should take this with a pinch of salt. You know what you are getting into beforehand sitting down to watch a movie with a title such as “Ice Sharks”.

As for the acting, well I will say that people were doing fair enough jobs with their roles, taking into considerations the restrictions and limitations imposed upon them by the script.

For a shark movie, then “Ice Sharks” turned out to be in the lower part of the enjoyment scale. It wasn’t a particularly fun or entertaining movie, and there are far better shark movies available.

Shark trouble in the arctic

Have made no secret in the past of intensely disliking, and even outright hating a lot, a vast majority of The Asylum’s and SyFy’s (near-universally maligned for good reason) output, though there is curiosity as to whether they are capable of making something good and compulsive about their output’s badness. Admittedly, both The Asylum and SyFy do have a small group of watchable films and the occasional (big emphasis on that word) above average one, unfortunately outweighed by the lacklustre at best and often dreadful films they churn out.

Am not going to say that ‘Ice Sharks’ is a good film because it isn’t. Far from it. At the same time, ‘Ice Sharks’ is actually one of the more halfway watchable low budget shark films, which in general do not have a good reputation. Especially those from either SyFy, The Asylum or a collaboration of both. Took ‘Ice Sharks’ for what it was and what it intended to be, as is the intent with every film watched by me, and in a way it was more or less what was expected, in terms of its problems, but also much better in overall quality.

There are certainly obvious strikes against ‘Ice Sharks’. The low budget definitely does show, especially in the risible special effects which strictly speaking are not worth mentioning really at a risk at going on a rant about them alone all night. The script is weak, with cheesy humorous moments, mawkish serious ones that feel like padding and rambling gibberish (for a SyFy/Asylum collaboration that was not unexpected).

Story-wise, ‘Ice Sharks’ is incredibly silly with ridiculousness taken to extremes, its logical lapses in number and quality deserving another all-night rant of their own but that’s another story. The music is very intrusive and repetitive, with the sound seeming at times to favour it over the dialogue. The characters are sketchy in development and pretty bland in writing, most far from convincing in their occupation with Kaiwi Lyman-Mersereau especially looking out of place and like he accidentally boarded the wrong plane.

On the other hand, there were surprisingly enough elements that made ‘Ice Sharks’ watchable, as long as you judge it as a semi-guilty pleasure at best and not as a good film. The scenery is nice and, regardless of how they look and the lack of expert knowledge on sharks, the sharks have personality and some menace. The shark action is a sizable amount, and it is surprisingly more suspenseful and less overboard-goofy than one usually finds in low budget shark films, especially for one from SyFy/Asylum.

Although the story is far from great, it is not dull either and there is enough to maintain attention and intrigue. Enough is fun and suspenseful as long as it is not taken too seriously, most low budget creature films don’t have that distinction so credit is due here. For this type of film too, the acting remarkably, considering the flawed character and script writing, is not too bad at all, they at least look engaged and look as though they were trying (when it comes to other low-budget films seen recently this was something of a refreshment).

Summing up, far from great, or even good, but one can do with far worse when taking into account the dubious general reputation of SyFy/The Asylum films and low budget shark films. 5/10 Bethany Cox

Stupid title, stupid film!

CGI Greenland sharks have evolved intelligence and the ability to cut through thick ice using their fins with great ease! Well, this is an Asylum movie! Won’t bother with the plot. Acting is poor to reasonable. CGI is dirt cheap looking. Sharks growl. No mention of the bends yet a group of people sink 90ft below the surface of the sea in their ice station, which is eventually brought back to the surface rather quickly. Perhaps the only positive thing I can say is that during some of the shark attacks early on there is a good sense of tension. Just another tripe shark movie.

• Year: 2011
• Released: 31 May 2011
• Country: USA
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1046245/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/cross
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: R
• Genre: Action, Fantasy
• Runtime: 105 min
• Writer: Patrick Durham, Jonathan Sachar, Tanner Wiley
• Director: Patrick Durham
• Cast: Brian Austin Green, Michael Clarke Duncan, Vinnie Jones, Tom Sizemore
• Keywords: los angeles, california, cross amulet, celtic cross,

	3.0/10
	18% – Critics
	96% – Audience

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Cross Movie Reviews

Dire warning. Literally dire. Warning

I cannot work out if this film is that bad deliberately or worse that they didn’t realise. The acting was beyond cheese, even rank stifling cheese. Not one member of the cast stood out as anything other than awful, wooden, reluctant and hardly present.

Maybe I’m being harsh, perhaps they did everything they could with a script that I’m pretty sure was written by a couple of 12 year old kids blitzed out in a comic book euphoric haze.

The score was bland and occasionally misplaced enough break what little concentration it took to focus on the film. If there was any directing I must have missed it, perhaps it took place after the credits. Special effects were special only in the way they managed to get some out of about a dollar ninety five and I’m sorry to say they didn’t even get value for money.

I’ve tried and tried, for about 15 seconds, to think of any redeeming feature or angle to this film. I failed. Kind of suits the film really…..

Painful to Watch

Given incredible power by an ancient Celtic cross, Callan (Brian Austin Green) continues to fight evil… Now, joined by a team of weapons experts, Callan battles an unstoppable empire in Los Angeles.

I want to find the words to describe this film without being disrespectful, but it is just not a good movie. I see the potential, and some moments are better than others, but the film wavers between humor and seriousness with a cacophony of sound and juxtaposition of images that hurts the mind. Some films, notably “The Spirit”, have balanced this well. This film has not. Would it make more sense if I had read the comic? Probably. But as a comic fan, I never heard of this one, so I think it is safe to say few people will know what is going on any more than I did. I learned a new word, though: Anzshlastic. Does it mean anything? Probably not.

Seemingly, the movie was made to coincide with the Green Lantern movie. Not that there is any connection, but someone here has a glowing green cross that gives him super powers. Sounds like another hero’s ring. Beyond that, no connection, and the plot is a big mess. There is the concept of finding the bloodlines of the Greek gods. For some reason, only one person has the bloodline when you would think all their distant cousins would, too. And there are multiple villains, with little background offered about them.

The dialogue is written for a ten-year old. Sometimes we get decent one-liners (most of which come from Backfire, Jake Busey’s character) and there was a good Gary Busey “Point Break” joke. But often we have everything dumbed down. Gunnar (Vinnie Jones) says over and over again that he is immortal and will be the last to die. Yeah, I got it. Did he have to repeat it? No. All this does is take a great actor like Jones and make him look like a fool.

The press release is far from accurate, too. It says “beautiful, young women start disappearing”. Young, maybe. Beautiful? Hardly. And what is this about Gunnar being an immortal Viking? That never plays into the plot at all, and he clearly has an English rather than Norse accent. The only thing really going for this film is the cast. Besides those mentioned, we also have Brian Austin Green, Tom Sizemore, Michael Clarke Duncan, Danny Trejo, Lew Temple and C. Thomas Howell. How such a great ensemble ended up in this stinker is beyond me.

Nowhere in the press release or on the DVD cover is there a single quote from a review. Also, it arrived for me to review a week after it was released. This leads me to one conclusion: the people behind this film know it is not good and want to avoid more bad coverage (though, to do that, they should never have sent it at all). Possibly redeeming it is a director’s commentary (I have not listened). There are deleted scenes, but those amount to single sentences trimmed from various spots. Why they were cut at all is beyond me. In short, avoid this film like the plague. Besides Jake Busey, it is a failure (and that is a sad thing when Busey is the best part of your film)

What a shameful waste of talent!

I did think Cross had potential to be a watchable movie. The cast on paper are reason enough to make that so. But in the end Cross was a terrible movie with equally terrible execution. You’d think with a cast as good as this that they’d be solid at least, but watching it until the end(yes somehow I managed to see the whole thing) my biggest gripe of many was “talk about wasted talent”. Brian Austin Green is decent, and Michael Clarke Duncan is a believable crime boss. Compared to the rest of the cast though, who were dire overall to put it politely, their performances are not enough to save it sadly. But they are not entirely to blame as they did deserve much better than this.

The worst case was Vinnie Jones, who I didn’t buy for one second whatsoever as an immortal god and it looks as though he forgot his acting skills(which admittedly were limited to begin with). Either Tom Sizemore was drunk or ill because not only did he give the impression he was reading from a cue card he looked and sounded awful throughout. Thomas C.Howell- no stranger to bad movies himself actually- is underused, Jake Busey is out of place with one-liners that were ridiculously over-the-top and had no point being there and Danny Trejo’s role was so brief that you actually question was he in this movie at all.

But it wasn’t just the acting that made Cross such a painful missed opportunity. The story also deserves a large part of the blame. It’s often ridiculous(too much to try to suspend any kind of disbelief), under-develops any plot strands and the characters and ends up predictable and confused. It also doesn’t seem to know what it wanted to be or who to aim at. Too violent to appeal to a younger audience and too dumbed down for an adult. To make it more even and such, I think they should have left in the action parts, yet they should have been much edgier as everything felt too sloppy, but cut out or at least matured the humour.

As said, the script is too dumb and cheesy to take remotely seriously, Jones’ dialogue was also irritatingly repetitive. I did get that vibe that it wasn’t supposed to be, but later on I got another that indicated that it was trying to be the exact opposite. The music score is bland and doesn’t fit the movie, the action is sloppily choreographed and executed and pacing-wise there doesn’t seem to be any kind of life sometimes. Along with the acting and the story, the production values was also a huge problem. Cross actually looks as though it was edited on a bacon slicer and to say the special effects are bad is an understatement. I think Cross could have easily done without the effects, but even then I don’t think it’d stop the movie from being as bas as it was.

Overall, a terribly executed movie that shamefully wastes its cast. If I were to be honest, I found reading the increasingly ignorant positive reviews much more entertaining. By all means, go ahead and like the movie, I’m not going to judge or stop you, but at least learn the difference between fact and opinion before attacking those who on the most part have legitimate reasons for hating Cross. 1/10 for Green and Duncan. Bethany Cox

• Year: 2007
• Released: 05 Oct 2007
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0756703/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/feel_the_noise
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English, Spanish
• MPA Rating: PG-13
• Genre: Drama, Music
• Runtime: 86 min
• Writer: Albert Leon
• Director: Alejandro Chomski
• Cast: Omarion, Giancarlo Esposito, Melonie Diaz
• Keywords: hip-hop, rapper, puerto rico, thug,

	3.0/10
	36/100
	11% – Critics
	42% – Audience

Feel the Noise Storyline

After a run-in with local thugs, aspiring Harlem rapper Rob flees to a place and father he never knew, and finds his salvation in Reggaeton, a spicy blend of hip-hop, reggae and Latin beats. Puerto Rico, the spiritual home of Reggaeton, inspires Rob and his step-brother Javi to pursue their dream of becoming Reggaeton stars. Together with a dancer named C.C., they learn what it means to stay true to themselves and each other, while overcoming obstacles in love, greed and pride, all culminating in an explosive performance at New York’s Puerto Rican Day Parade.—Columbia Pictures

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Feel the Noise Movie Reviews

Its not even worth seeing for the music

Guy from the Bronx wants to be a hip-hop star, however he’s forced to flee to Puerto Rico when he has a run in with some bed guys. Generally it isn’t a good sign when the selling point is that a film is produced by a movie star, in this case Jennifer Lopez. Done on the cheap I kept wondering why they couldn’t get more money for a better cast and crew.The film is okay, but never really connected with me since its so specifically of a place and life style it fails to click as a story or larger importance. Whats worse is the music isn’t very good, which is something I rarely say about urban dramas such as this. Its so abrasive and unremarkable that you don’t want to watch the film simply so you won’t hear the music.

More like feel the No’s, the no ways, the no way Josés…

Yikes, quite possibly one of the worst music films of all time…

The plot could be written on an envelope and you’d still have an acre of space left.

It is not fun, funny, or down dirty – it’s just plain yeeuch… honestly. And it’s extremely misogynistic in places. The women here aren’t strong, thinking, role models – it’s all short skirts and hips a swinging… which is just plain depressing…

And the film… it reminds me of elephants leaping over a cliff hoping to fly… just really doesn’t stand a chance… really does look and feel like a very middle-class white teenager’s idea of what Latino music should look like.

Just didn’t buy this, and what’s more half way through I didn’t want to buy it anymore. I did stick it out to the end, but I was really, really unimpressed.

Formulaic crap – avoid unless you like headaches. Sorry guys, non es muy impresionante…

This movie was awful — DO NOT GO SEE IT

So… imagine going to see a movie thinking it was going to be like You Got Served. Probably not the best plot wise, but with some redeeming features (dancing, specifically). Then you see it, and it’s AWFUL. ALL of it is AWFUL. Awkward. No dancing. Stupid acting. AWFUL. When you are done, you wish you hadn’t paid and taken a nap instead.

There are probably too many plot lines trying to happen, which is generally a problem for a movie anyway. But then there are horrible transitions between the sections, and often after a “major” plot point you find yourself looking at a friend going “what just happened? really?” And every once in awhile, without a reason, the filming style changes. Oh, and did I mention the entire movie is awkward? People just aren’t like that…

I highly recommend NOT going to see this movie.

• Year: 2008
• Released: 06 Dec 2008
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1210344/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/cyclops
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Action, Adventure, Drama
• Runtime: 94 min
• Writer: Frances Doel
• Director: Declan O’Brien
• Cast: Eric Roberts, Kevin Stapleton, Frida Farrell
• Keywords:

	3.0/10
	5% – Critics
	5% – Audience

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Cyclops Movie Reviews

Another great background noise film for cooking or cleaning

This is the perfect movie if you’ve got something else to do such as cooking, cleaning, grooming your pets, or weatherproofing the windows. That’s what brings it up to a 3. If you sit down to watch it for the sake of watching it, expect to be sorely disappointed.

The beginning: If you saw a giant monster, would you just stand there? No, but these guys do. Unbelievable.

The first battle is absolutely moronic. Why would they rush the monster when they had archers? When they saw their fellow soldiers dropping, why didn’t they bother using the archers? Did I mention the archers? When they finally did use the archers… why did they suck? And when did they have time to dig that giant cyclops-sized pit? And when they finally did capture the cyclops, how did they manage to shackle it and get it out of the pit when — prior to this — anyone getting close to the monster got crushed and/or eaten? I’d also like to point out that while the Romans did indeed use whistles, they were shaped more like dog whistles, not our modern coach or safety whistles.

Also, the phrase to “take with a pinch of salt” has been in use only since the 17th century. It was not in use in ancient Rome.

Now let’s discuss the cyclops itself. Odysseus had a run-in with the cyclops. Assuming that was somewhere around the time of the Trojan War, roughly 1194-1184BC, that’s very far off from the reign of Tiberius which lasted from 14 to 37 AD. But if you look up anything about Tiberius, none of the movie is correct, especially about the Marcus uprising and the emperor being slain by a cyclops (obviously). Sci-fi. I get it.

This movie starts out very bad and very cheesy. The first hour is basically the cyclops killing people, getting caught, getting loose, killing people, getting caught again, and eating more people parts in between. Toss in some political back-stabbing and a slave uprising, and jump right into the colosseum. Some low-budget slaughter, the bad guys die, the end.

Did anyone else find it ironic that Marcus shouted “Look out!” to the cyclops right before he got a spear through the eye?

That’s terrible 😉

So Bad, So Bad, So Bad… But Entertaining!

The rise of cyclops is the fall of Rome, says the box. And that pretty much sums up this picture. The Roman Empire captures the cyclops with intentions of using him in the Colosseum for their own amusement. But when they wrong one of their top guards and turn him into a gladiator, the guard and the cyclops form a very unusual alliance against the emperor. Beware the eye of cyclops, Caesar! “Dude, that looks like the worst film ever,” is what my editor says to me when I show him the latest movie on my desk for review. Well, luckily for me, that’s not quite true. The film is somewhat silly and the special effects are pretty much the worst thing you’ll find anywhere in the world (even Brazil). I’ve ranted time and again about why I hate CG, so I won’t do it here… the evidence speaks for itself. But, if you ignore the effects (which is difficult with cyclops getting so much screen time) it’s not a bad film. Just don’t ask why the cyclops wears underwear and who makes them.

If you’re a fan of “Gladiator” and bad horror movies, this is for you. I don’t know how accurate this one is — probably not very — but the costumes and fight scenes are decent, and even better if you’re drinking Scotch whiskey. If you’re me, you’re always drinking Scotch whiskey (except now… I’m in a bar drinking a rail whiskey and coke). The portrayal of slaves and prostitutes is cheesy, but you’ll have that.

Why is this film not “the worst film ever”? Easy — it’s entertaining. Horror fans have a habit of lovingly ripping on their viewing choices. Don’t believe me? Go to a horror film opening night or to one of Chicago’s specialty theaters, like the Portage or Music Box. If the fans are yelling out bad jokes, that means they love it. And I think my commentary was more or less non-stop during “Cyclops”. So, I was entertained, and unlike most of the films I see, I’d gladly see this one again.

Perhaps this tarnishes Roger Corman’s good name. Let’s just blame Julie Corman and assume Roger was asleep when this was produced. But either way, it’s better than you think. Not modern classic good, not you must have it in your collection good… but if you need a rental for some light-hearted horror fans — especially ones who drink — this is a great choice for that Friday or Saturday night marathon.

Wow…Just Wow….

How Eric Roberts can go from portraying Sal Maroni in The Dark Knight to this is beyond me. The production value, low budget or not, is horrific. The costumes look like they were stolen from a nearby Halloween shop and the CGI looks like an art student got drunk and submitted some stock CG to SciFi.

That, and the gross butchering of Roman culture. The Emperor of the the most powerful empire in history clearly only hires the dumbest and most inept soldier for the city guard elite. These guys make the Star Trek “Red shirts” look like Leonida’s 300.

To sum up: Take Gladiator, add a crappy subplot about a Cyclops to make it more SciFi worthy, and then give the staff 1 good actor surrounded by many, many bad ones and a budget of a 5 grade video project, without mommy’s help.

I shudder to think about the future of the SciFi channel after Battlestar Galactica is done. Whether you like it or not, you must admit, after viewing terrible stuff like this, it’s all they have left.

• Year: 2003
• Released: 22 Aug 2003
• Country: Germany, United States
• Adwords: 4 nominations
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0266747/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/marci_x
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: R
• Genre: Comedy, Music
• Runtime: 84 min
• Writer: Paul Rudnick
• Director: Richard Benjamin
• Cast: Lisa Kudrow, Damon Wayans, Richard Benjamin
• Keywords:

	3.0/10
	20/100
	8% – Critics
	29% – Audience

Marci X Storyline

While delivering an award to her humanitarian father Ben Feld, the stylish wealthy Jewish Caucasian Marci Feld is surprised by the attack of conservative senator Mary Ellen Spinkle to her father in the media. The motive is the lyrics of the rap “Shoot Ya’ Teacha,” sung by Dr. S and released by the hip-hop record label Felony Assault that belongs to Ben. He has a heart attack, and his daughter decides to assume the problem and negotiate a public excuse of Dr. S in the MTV Award. However, the bad boy sings a polemic song on television to humiliate Marci that gives senator Sprinkle the chance to promote the “Buttgate”.—Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

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Marci X Movie Reviews

In the What? Bottom 100? Very Unfair Rating!

While delivering an award to her humanitarian father Ben Feld (Richard Benjamin), the stylish wealthy Jewish Caucasian Marci Feld (Lisa Kudrow) is surprised by the attack of the conservative senator Mary Ellen Spinkle (Christine Baranski) to her father in the media. The motive is the lyrics of the rap “Shoot Ya’ Teacha ” sing by Dr. S (Damon Wayans) and released by the hip-hop record label Felony Assault that belongs to Ben. He has a heart attack, and his daughter decides to assume the problem and negotiate a public excuse of Dr. S in the MTV Award. However, the bad boy sings a polemic song on television to humiliate Merci that gives senator Sprinkle the chance to promote the “Buttgate”.

“Marci X” is a silly but hilarious movie with the charming, elegant and gorgeous Lisa Kudrow. Surprisingly it is ranked in the “Bottom 100#73”, in my opinion a tremendously unfair position. Lisa Kudrow is an excellent comedian, and I am still laughing with her rap challenge on the stage with “The Power is in the Purse”. The rude Damon Wayans is also funny with no surprises in his role, and Christine Baranski is specialized in performing villains and is also great. This is another movie that will never be nominated to the Oscar that some intellectuals spend their precious time seeing it to write bad reviews in IMDb, misleading those that expect to see an entertaining light and silly comedy. Fortunately I do not read reviews before watching movies. My vote is six.

Title (Brazil): “Marci X – Uma Loura Muito Louca” (“Marci X – A Very Crazy Blondie”)

This is like, the WORST movie … EVER!

yeah, it’s that bad. it’s horrible. i can’t even waste the words to explain it.

don’t watch it, don’t even consider watching it. if your hair’s caught on fire and you go screaming through your building, and your neighbour with a bucket of water, says “watch Marci X or you’re not getting this on your head” tell him to sod off. if you fall from an 8 story building break both your legs and have your ribs stuck in your heart, and the doctors in the hospital tell you “watch Marci X or no surgery” tell them to kiss your butt, because it’s less painful. Believe me. And if you get abducted by aliens and they “watch Marci X or it’s probin’ time” tell them to watch it themselves, cause it’s the worst thing you could wish for somebody.

You DON’T want to see this tasteless, mindless, pointless, substanceless piece of s**t.

We all took a job we didn’t like just to pay the rent….

…but usually in that circumstance we didn’t subject the world to that knowledge.

This film has known folks in it who just did not have to do this film – for the rent or otherwise. I think there was an idea…over an apple martini or something…that someone said, “Hey – we can make a real funny movie about that!” They were wrong.

First of all….you could tell this is yet another Wayan’s “inside joke”. Here’s some advice for the Wayans – stop joking and just be serious and or honest about it. Come out with it – whatever you want to say. Maybe your “ironic” days are over and its time to go right in and do what is exactly on your minds.

Then you have to ask what possessed Richard Benjamin, Christine Baranski and Lisa Kudrow to do this…? Rent? Taxes? A new stuffed animal they saw at Wal-Mart? Let me not trash the film – for a minute – and look at what the INTENT could have been…what this seemed to want to be was an expose of the music industry stereotypes. Okay, done not trashing and here’s my truth: I’ve had just about enough of stereotypes in feature films to last decades. Don’t get me wrong, there can be a way to do something of this nature which can be entertaining, thought provoking..maybe even satirical…the bottom line is that this is NOT the film – not the script – not the actors – not worth the time of anyone.

• Year: 2023
• Released: 16 Feb 2023
• Country: Canada
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt26252546/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/skal_fight_for_survival
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Thriller
• Runtime: 77 min
• Writer: Benjamin Cappelletti, Guillaume Grélardon
• Director: Benjamin Cappelletti
• Cast: Darren Eisenhauer, Trevor Hayes, Mariah Inger
• Keywords:

3.0/10

SKAL – FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL Storyline

My name’s Arthur, a huge Internet star who’s just hit 3 million subs. While in the midst of throwing an epic party to celebrate, the universe had the balls to bring on the effing apocalypse and cut my night short. What was supposed to be a perfect hangover, has turned into an epic fight for survival.

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SKAL – FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL Movie Reviews

• Year: 2023
• Released: 03 Nov 2023
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt22805590/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/black_noise
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: R
• Genre: Action, Sci-Fi
• Runtime: 86 min
• Writer: Sean-Michael Argo, Philippe Martinez, Leigh Scott
• Director: Philippe Martinez
• Cast: Jackson Rathbone, Alex Pettyfer, Eve Mauro
• Keywords:

3.0/10

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Black Noise Movie Reviews

• Year: 2023
• Released: 21 Sep 2023
• Country: United Kingdom
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt18076250/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/snake_hotel
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p, 1080p
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Horror
• Runtime: min
• Writer: Harry Boxley, Charles Solly
• Director: Charles Solly
• Cast: Chrissie Wunna, Danielle Scott, Lila Lasso
• Keywords:

3.0/10

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Snake Hotel Movie Reviews

Unbelievable…

In a time of unlimited scale of tv-channels, movies & the streaming-monster to choose from, here is Snake Hotel. Reality-tv-ish episodes in which voluntary (or payed perhaps) participants are challenging snakes in all shapes & sizes.

I couldnt stand watching almost 2 minutes of this kind of entertaiment. In todays standards of respecting all life and the living, flora & fauna, people are supposed to watch humans ‘torturing’ animals?

Realy, I always wonder where the budget is coming from to produce these kind of cheesy tv-shows. Or is Amazon (the main financier) doing so well to cut in its employers budget to fund Snake Hotel?

• Year: 2010
• Released: 21 May 2010
• Country: United Kingdom
• Adwords: 3 nominations
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1460643/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/pimp
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: Not Rated
• Genre: Crime, Thriller
• Runtime: 91 min
• Writer: Jon Kirby, Robert Cavanah
• Director: Robert Cavanah
• Cast: Robert Cavanah, Danny Dyer, Billy Boyd
• Keywords: london, england, pimp,

	3.0/10
	0% – Critics
	13% – Audience

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Pimp Movie Reviews

Inflammatory Content, Vaguely Interesting Story

The film Pimp is characterized by comical violence and sexuality that pushes the viewers good taste — I advise people to only watch this if they do not mind such extreme content.

The style of filming is interesting and unorthodox, and some of the cinematic work was pleasing. The storyline jumps around a lot and demands the viewer to pay close attention to different plot changes.

I found it to be entertaining in its own way, although sometimes apparently crude for the mere sake of being crude. However, if you approach the film with this knowledge and view it just as some light entertainment it is not that bad of a film.

Misfiring post moderny trawl through sleazy London underworld

STAR RATING: ***** Saturday Night **** Friday Night *** Friday Morning ** Sunday Night * Monday Morning

Soho pimp Woody (Robert Cavanagh) tries to run as tight a ship on his business as he can, but rival competitors are always on edge to spoil his game. Still, he gets by as well as he can, but when he starts receiving snuff tapes that appear to show his girls being brutally murdered, things get heavy.

Another film where Danny Dyer is mis-sold on the front cover, this time as the main star when more time is given to Cavanagh. Like a lot of modern films, Pimp is aiming to be clever, with it’s use of the camera and style of story-telling, but the result is unsuccessful. The frequent new character introductions are disconcerting, especially as many are never heard from again, and the camera style wavers around in an uncomfortable manner. The mock documentary style gets in the way of a decent, coherent story, which fails to hook you in and get you following it in any way, only being able to vaguely make anything out. In more competent hands, this could have been pulled off wonderfully. As it is, it’s quite a jumbled mess. **

Very Disappointing

Written and directed by Robert Cavanagh, who also plays the lead role of Woody, an underworld pimp who moves amongst the shadows, dealers and whore that work the streets of London’s Soho.

Being a big fan of British films, and the London gangster genre I had high hopes and expectations of this film. I was very disappointed.

A mix if faux documentary and crime/drama/love story, Pimp seems not to know it’s own identity and Cavanagh as a director is completely lost. Throughout the entire film there is a barrage of clichés and heavy handed influence from far superior films.

It takes too long to get into it’s stride and when it finally does the premise is just nonsensical. Danny Dyer, who has impressed in previous vehicles was poorly cast and somewhat contrived rather than convincing. Really, I’m struggling to write a review about this film because I was so disappointed.

In short, Avoid.

• Year: 2023
• Released: 13 Feb 2023
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt22176020/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/roseanne_barr_cancel_this
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p,
• Language: N/A
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Comedy
• Runtime: 66 min
• Writer: N/A
• Director: N/A
• Cast: Roseanne Barr, Jessie Hobson
• Keywords: stand-up comedy,

3.0/10

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Roseanne Barr: Cancel This! Movie Reviews

Don’t mind offensive humor, it’s just not funny

This special is just a bunch of the same tired jokes you hear on twitter about pronouns and “wokeness.” She even calls her own children “libtards.” The thing about offensive comedy is it has to actually make people laugh in order to work. There aren’t really any punch lines to these jokes, it’s just a bunch of yelling. It’s disappointing that people paid money to go and see this. As conservatives, we need to do a whole lot better than this. I’m all for pushing the envelope, especially in comedy. I don’t think any topic should be off-limits, but this special was completely cringeworthy, unoriginal, and not funny. Go back and do some more writing, Roseanne.

Terrible

Though it is clear she is suffering from mental issues, it is sad that the people close to her would allow her to embarrass herself as badly as she did. I kept waiting for a joke but it never came. Hopefully she gets the help she needs.

I used to like her show, though I never really thought her stand-up was all that funny to begin with. At least in the 80’s she attempted to tell jokes. This was just her complaining about the world. She had no life while presenting and I couldn’t help but wonder what she was doing standing there in pig tails. If that was supposed to be part of a joke, I missed it.

Best of luck Rosanne, I hope you get the mental help you clearly need.

Average special with above-average hype

I am a bit puzzled by this entry in the database. After several decades of use, I have never seen an entry that has been rated by several hundred people (more than 500 at the time of my viewing), yet less than a handful are available for review. Is it possible that so few people were willing to go on record or is some type of cultural proxy war taking place? I think you have to have an account to vote your rating, right? Did people have an account, vote, but were disinterested in commenting? That seems so non-IMDb.

In any event, I thought her special uneven but certainly better than her current average rating of about 2.6. I have never been much of a fan of hers, both in her early stand-up days and later in her sit-com megaglory days. I decided to view it just out of curiosity. She is obviously on a mission and thinks that taking on as many taboos will strike the audience’s fancy. Perhaps so, but I think she’d be better served by refining her jokes and stories. Perhaps after 16 years being away from the stand-up stage (or so I’ve read), she’s just rusty.