• Year: 2013
• Released: 09 Jul 2013
• Country: USA
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2740710/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/from_the_sea
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: Not Rated
• Genre: Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi, Thriller
• Runtime: 85 min
• Writer: Richard Lima (screenplay), Thunder Levin (screenplay), Hank Woon Jr. (screenplay)
• Director: Jared Cohn
• Cast: Graham Greene, Anthony ‘Treach’ Criss, David Chokachi, Jackie Moore
• Keywords: navy, giant monster, underwater threat, robot suits,

1.6/10

From the Sea Storyline

Following the mysterious disappearance of an oil rig and a reconnaissance mini-submarine in the Gulf of Mexico, scientist Dr. Margaret Adams (Nicole Dickson) initiates the Armada Program, which consists of giant robots designed for deep sea rescue.The three robots – piloted by Red (David Chokachi), Tracy (Jackie Moore) and Jim (Treach) – dive nearly 800 fathoms to the sea bed, where they not only discover the mangled remains of the oil rig, but encounter the sea monster that brought it down. Red pursues the monster against orders from Admiral Hadley (Graham Greene), prompting the Admiral to order every naval fleet in the East Coast to converge to the oil rig’s site. Red emerges on a beach to warn the bystanders to leave the premises for their safety when he is suddenly attacked from behind by the monster as their fight takes its toll on the city. An F-18 Hornet piloted by Spitfire (Jared Cohn) assists Red in taking the monster down. Red, however, is arrested for disobeying a direct order. He is locked in solitary confinement until he is briefly released by Adm. Hadley and later given a medal of honor for his heroic actions before serving the rest of his confinement.Later, Adm. Hadley is informed by Sheldon Geise (Steven Marlow) of a top-secret sonar program that discovered the monsters that are hundreds of millions of years old and lay their eggs on a mixture of crude oil and saltwater. Two eggs have been discovered; one of which hatched into the monster that Red and Spitfire killed. Adm. Hadley orders a search for the other egg, but he is too late, as it has already hatched, with the monster destroying a whole naval fleet before wreaking havoc on the city. As the monster attacks the naval base, Tracy and Jim scramble to spring Red out of solitary before they are picked up by Lt. Wexler (Demitrius Stear).Meanwhile, Geise informs Adm. Hadley that the President has authorized a nuclear strike on the monster, but Adm. Hadley refuses that decision and orders everyone to evacuate the base. The monster retreats after a Northrop Grumman B-2 Spirit drops a payload on it. Adm. Hadley is later informed that another egg has hatched off the Atlantic Coast.Dr. Adams gives the trio special “halo” headbands that neurally link them to their robots, increasing their reflexes by using their direct body movements instead of joysticks. The system’s downside is the pilot feeling pain for every damage the robot takes. After a crash course on the new system, the trio fly their robots to New York City to battle the monster. Following numerous refusals by Adm. Hadley to launch a nuclear strike, Geise orders the USS Virginia to launch a warhead. Red intercepts the missile and jams its frequency, saving the city from a nuclear holocaust. In retaliation, Geise threatens Dr. Adams to shut down the robots, but is quickly subdued by Lt. Wexler, despite shooting the Admiral in the arm. During the battle, Tracy loses consciousness when her neural level goes critical. Jim takes Tracy to safety while Red grabs the warhead and the monster before flying them to the atmosphere. He then kicks the monster to deep space, detonating the warhead in the process and sending him crashing back on Earth.In the final scene, the trio and Adm. Hadley celebrate by heading to the local bar for some tequila shots.

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From the Sea Movie Reviews

The Asylum did it again… Can you say KA-CHING…?

Another Asylum cash-in on a summer blockbuster. Like they did with “Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies” just in time before the release of “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” or “I am Omega” as “I am Legend” came out, so again they do it with “Atlantic Rim” in the time of “Pacific Rim”.

It is just shameful, isn’t it? But still, you know what you get with the productions and movies spewed out by The Asylum. Lower budget version of potential blockbusters, with failing dialogue and even worse CGI effects.

However, I will say that in the more recent time, The Asylum has started to post more money into the CGI effects, and it is paying off. The effects in “Atlantic Rim” were actually quite alright. Though the movie was just suffering from being a cheap knock off of “Pacific Rim”.

The storyline in this movie requires no brain activity, just switch into auto-pilot and watch the movie as the three good guys in their mecha armor suits beat up some colossus aquatic monster that came from God knows where.

As for the dialogue in the movie, well it was bad, really bad. I have never heard soldiers talk or communicate in the way that they did in this movie. And some of the things they say was just downright embarrassing to witness.

And the acting in the movie was equally bad. Steven Marlow (playing Sheldon Geise) looked like he had a bad case of diarrhea, while Graham Greene (playing Admiral Hadley) was like a drone totally devoid of emotions at all. And David Chokachi (playing Red) looked like he was trying to do a reenactment of “American Ninja: The Musical” – if there was such a thing.

This is not one of the better movies to make it out of The Asylum’s drawing board, not even by a long shot. Everything here was rushed and seemed to be half-hearted. If you are going to copy something and cash in on something, at least do it properly.

For a Sci-Fi movie, then “Atlantic Rim” was a really plain and below mediocre experience. Although I have seen a lot, and I do mean a lot, of questionable and low-budget movies, then “Atlantic Rim” is not the worst amongst those movie, but it is up there on the high ends of the scale.

Toilet Rim…

Just about the worst Asylum movie ever. I don’t expect much from them, but recently (AE Apocalypse Earth) wasn’t so bad, so I thought I’d try out another. Holy crap was I burned! The acting is just non-existent. In fact, only one actor even tried to be wooden, and that was Graham Greene. I’m convinced he did it deliberately because I know he can act. Probably realised what a pile he’d signed on for and decided to robot-speak all his lines from then on.

And man! What lines! This is dire-logue at its finest. At one point one characters says something like “We should go and help!” to which his companion replies “No! It’s against orders!”. The first then says “Well, I’m going anyway!” to which the second says “Well, I’m coming too!” That’s what you are dealing with. As far as characterization goes, there is little in the way of it here. The three “soldiers” have all the military skills and mentality of three year-olds. One is permanently drunk, the other thinks she is Katee Sackhoff and the third is…well, let’s just be honest and say he is along to make up the racial diversity quota for the movie.

The robots and the monsters are not explained, come out of nowhere and, as you might expect, are less than convincing in their discount CGI goofiness. In many instances, the scenes look like an 80’s video game, they are that bad.

The robot cockpit sets are basically a small room, decorated with flexible air-conditioning tubes and disco rope lights. All expense HAS been spared with this one. They make the Blake’s 7 sets look fantastic by comparison.

They also violate (due to budgetary constraints, no doubt) the primary rule of story-telling. “Show, don’t tell.” Here, we are treated to painfully long scenes where you see nothing other than the faces of the characters as they describe how amazing, or terrible, the imagined view in front of them is. You never get to see it. Just their unconvincingly surprised or shocked-looking faces as they describe it to you.

I plead with you not to watch this. You’ll hate yourself if you do. It is just abysmal in every way imaginable.

SUMMARY: Another awful Asylum rip-off of a better product. Don’t bother with it.

Well… I watched it.

How can I explain this film? It goes so far beyond words. I simply cannot use words to describe it. Words are simply not suitable, they are not powerful enough to explain the range of emotions one feels when watching this… artwork.

While watching this film, I experienced uncontrollable laughter. It was wonderful at first, but then it tapered off and left me with a general nausea induced by a profound feeling of pity. I felt so sorry for the actors. The shame of being in this movie must surely weigh heavily upon them.

Enough hyperbole. Let’s get to the heart of it.

The movie’s production value was actually reasonable. But almost every minute of it was an assault on my brain. The acting was atrocious, the CGI was not horrible, but was far from convincing. Think Power Rangers. The soundtrack was utterly miserable, a straight run of “epic-ish-action-ish-wow-you” muzak that never seemed to fit the scenes, but instead served as the only consistent tie between them.

The flow of the plot, the aspect of a movie that ties each scene together into a cohesive storyline, was just deplorable. The director leaps from scene to scene, the actors doing things that make no sense at all, only to end up at the bar drinking as much as possible (apparently this is what the writers feel good soldiers should do). I suppose it’s reasonably difficult to outline a respectable plot when the story itself is so full of haphazard clichés. The soldiers don’t act like soldiers, the monsters don’t act like monsters, the civilians act like cannon fodder (of course. And they do such a good job of it). I can’t say the movie was completely predictable because NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE.

I felt like a 5 year old boy was leaping on his bed swinging around his Jedi light-saber telling me, “And then the robots had weapons! And then the monster threw a submarine! And then they drank too much!” And all when while I just want him to calm down and go to bed so that I can think straight and make sense of the world again.

I feel my score is accurate, but despite that, this is a must watch. It will teach you so much about good movie making, using the time honored “See what they did? DON’T EVER DO THAT” method of teaching.

• Year: 2006
• Released: 21 Mar 2006
• Country: USA
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0795416/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/lycan_colony
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Horror
• Runtime: 90 min
• Writer: Rob Roy (screenplay)
• Director: Rob Roy
• Cast: Karl Bertelmann, Sean Burgoyne, Kadrolsha Ona Carole, Libby Collins
• Keywords: werewolf, lycanthrope,

1.6/10

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Lycan Colony Movie Reviews

Bad is bad, but this is bad BaD BAD!

Holy cow, I never thought I would ever find a contender for worst movie ever made since “Manos: Hands of Fate” or “Birdemic: Shock and Terror.” Yes, I’m a Rifftrax fan. I’d be shocked if anyone came across this dungheap by any other means. It feels like a movie someone made with their phone just to show it to friends and family, then hide it away forever on an external hard drive, only to be found and made fun of years later by posterity, and eventually forgotten forever.

Just like the films previously mentioned, every scene of this film, every SECOND, is a firm example of what NOT to do when making a film. And, despite how horribly made it was, it’s still got enough entertainment value to at least amuse a room full of drunk college roommates. Seriously, it’s perfect to show to any film student, whether they are self-proclaimed, conceited “movie buff” posers, or legitimate film scholars, this film should count as a good lesson of everything to avoid doing when making a movie.

Worth a view like “Sharknado” was worth a view, nothing more. PLENTY of horrible, raw material to guffaw at. From the horrible special effects, to the laughable “Geddy Lee” wanna-be creepfest bartender, you’ll be roaring in fits of laughter in no time.

And side note: I’ll be DAMNED if the makers of this cinematic twaddle weren’t fans of Supernatual. I mean, come on. “Hunters” who were raised by a hunter father?!? Really??!?

This Is and Always Will Be The Worst Film Ever Made

If I could have given this “movie” a 0 I would have. The spoiler is the following, and this is all you need to know”

What is there to say about Rob Roy and his film Lycan Colony…? First off, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! That was well deserved because this film is absolutely the worst film ever made. In all my life’s experience I have never seen such a horrible piece of crap. If there were a real Lycan colony full of werewolves in real life and they found out about this film called Lycan Colony they would go after Rob Roy for everything he’s got, limbs and all. I feel like I was shot in the face and dragged out into the public by the most uninteresting, dull, and inept creature ever created after seeing this movie. Any time I attempt to piece together what it’s reasoning is, or why a certain shot (if you can call anything in this movie “a shot”) is the way it is my mind starts to decay more and more into despair. Lycan Colony is film-making Hell, and Rob Roy is the Devil. I ordered this movie, hearing how awful and hysterical it was from friends who attended the super duper hyped up “world premiere,” and I never imagined something this God awful. First off, I’m pretty sure this DVD comes from Rob Roy’s “studio,” meaning his basement/garage, and second he lives only thirty minutes away from me. The DVD took A MONTH A HALF to get to my house! That is too long for a guy who lives nearly three towns over! I have never regretted anything in my life more than paying for a DVD copy of Lycan Colony. There is no reason why a person who has never made a film in his entire life before should have been able to convince a bunch of poor, used people for his own screwed up creations and get away with it. Because of the shame and pointlessness of the “film” (if you can call it that) Rob Roy should owe each cast/crew member (if there were any besides himself) $10,000,000 in damages and the biggest apology ever to have existed. My mind becomes a plate of maggot infested brain fluids with a side of melted Jell-O every time somebody mentions the movie Lycan Colony. What’s even worse is if I hear the names Rob or Roy, I completely get on edge. My hairs stand up, my heart rate fastens, and I start to panic. Please, I beg all of you who are even considering seeing this movie, just turn away. It’s not worth your life.

Thanks a lot Rob Roy… You suck.

• Nicholas J. Krassowski

When a bunch of friends get together and say, “Let’s make a werewolf movie!”

This film features a town or group of werewolves, just like the film The Howling! And that is about the kindest thing I can say about this drek. Obviously, a film made by amateurs that somehow got enough momentum behind it that it took off and ended up being saw by more people than those who made this film’s family. Very cheaply made, very bad special effects and horrible editing make this thing almost headache inducing. Also, strange uses of green screens as they have the actors at the locations and at other times you can tell they are in a room.

The story, a trio of hunters are about to kill a young boy, but the boy is a wolf and soon they are all torn to pieces. Then we switch focus onto a family where the father is a brain surgeon who killed a person on the operating table while intoxicated and now live in the Lycan colony. A brother and sister come to find out what happened to their dad while the son of the couple gets coerced into the cemetery by a pretty girl. Soon, there is a brawl in two different bars or something that makes no sense and the night is very blue.

Yeah, this thing is horrible as not only was it made on the cheap, it also is incoherent as all get out. They focus on the family and you think they are the main characters, then it shifts over to the sister of the sister/brother duo. I almost suspect they were wanting to make an adult film, but none of the females wanted to get naked and have sex with their male costars so they just made a horrible werewolf movie instead.

So I would advise not hunting this film down as you will not be in for a treat. I find it baffling that this scores a 3.2 here on IMDB as it is much worse than films that rank lower. If I had to take a guess, more than a few family and friends of the film gave the film a high score due to their love for their family; however, it should be noted that I would have given this thing a two if I could have at least seen the girl that went after the son topless.

• Year: 2006
• Released: 21 Mar 2006
• Country: USA
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0795416/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/lycan_colony
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Horror
• Runtime: 90 min
• Writer: Rob Roy (screenplay)
• Director: Rob Roy
• Cast: Karl Bertelmann, Sean Burgoyne, Kadrolsha Ona Carole, Libby Collins
• Keywords: werewolf, lycanthrope,

1.6/10

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Lycan Colony Movie Reviews

Bad is bad, but this is bad BaD BAD!

Holy cow, I never thought I would ever find a contender for worst movie ever made since “Manos: Hands of Fate” or “Birdemic: Shock and Terror.” Yes, I’m a Rifftrax fan. I’d be shocked if anyone came across this dungheap by any other means. It feels like a movie someone made with their phone just to show it to friends and family, then hide it away forever on an external hard drive, only to be found and made fun of years later by posterity, and eventually forgotten forever.

Just like the films previously mentioned, every scene of this film, every SECOND, is a firm example of what NOT to do when making a film. And, despite how horribly made it was, it’s still got enough entertainment value to at least amuse a room full of drunk college roommates. Seriously, it’s perfect to show to any film student, whether they are self-proclaimed, conceited “movie buff” posers, or legitimate film scholars, this film should count as a good lesson of everything to avoid doing when making a movie.

Worth a view like “Sharknado” was worth a view, nothing more. PLENTY of horrible, raw material to guffaw at. From the horrible special effects, to the laughable “Geddy Lee” wanna-be creepfest bartender, you’ll be roaring in fits of laughter in no time.

And side note: I’ll be DAMNED if the makers of this cinematic twaddle weren’t fans of Supernatual. I mean, come on. “Hunters” who were raised by a hunter father?!? Really??!?

This Is and Always Will Be The Worst Film Ever Made

If I could have given this “movie” a 0 I would have. The spoiler is the following, and this is all you need to know”

What is there to say about Rob Roy and his film Lycan Colony…? First off, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! That was well deserved because this film is absolutely the worst film ever made. In all my life’s experience I have never seen such a horrible piece of crap. If there were a real Lycan colony full of werewolves in real life and they found out about this film called Lycan Colony they would go after Rob Roy for everything he’s got, limbs and all. I feel like I was shot in the face and dragged out into the public by the most uninteresting, dull, and inept creature ever created after seeing this movie. Any time I attempt to piece together what it’s reasoning is, or why a certain shot (if you can call anything in this movie “a shot”) is the way it is my mind starts to decay more and more into despair. Lycan Colony is film-making Hell, and Rob Roy is the Devil. I ordered this movie, hearing how awful and hysterical it was from friends who attended the super duper hyped up “world premiere,” and I never imagined something this God awful. First off, I’m pretty sure this DVD comes from Rob Roy’s “studio,” meaning his basement/garage, and second he lives only thirty minutes away from me. The DVD took A MONTH A HALF to get to my house! That is too long for a guy who lives nearly three towns over! I have never regretted anything in my life more than paying for a DVD copy of Lycan Colony. There is no reason why a person who has never made a film in his entire life before should have been able to convince a bunch of poor, used people for his own screwed up creations and get away with it. Because of the shame and pointlessness of the “film” (if you can call it that) Rob Roy should owe each cast/crew member (if there were any besides himself) $10,000,000 in damages and the biggest apology ever to have existed. My mind becomes a plate of maggot infested brain fluids with a side of melted Jell-O every time somebody mentions the movie Lycan Colony. What’s even worse is if I hear the names Rob or Roy, I completely get on edge. My hairs stand up, my heart rate fastens, and I start to panic. Please, I beg all of you who are even considering seeing this movie, just turn away. It’s not worth your life.

Thanks a lot Rob Roy… You suck.

• Nicholas J. Krassowski

When a bunch of friends get together and say, “Let’s make a werewolf movie!”

This film features a town or group of werewolves, just like the film The Howling! And that is about the kindest thing I can say about this drek. Obviously, a film made by amateurs that somehow got enough momentum behind it that it took off and ended up being saw by more people than those who made this film’s family. Very cheaply made, very bad special effects and horrible editing make this thing almost headache inducing. Also, strange uses of green screens as they have the actors at the locations and at other times you can tell they are in a room.

The story, a trio of hunters are about to kill a young boy, but the boy is a wolf and soon they are all torn to pieces. Then we switch focus onto a family where the father is a brain surgeon who killed a person on the operating table while intoxicated and now live in the Lycan colony. A brother and sister come to find out what happened to their dad while the son of the couple gets coerced into the cemetery by a pretty girl. Soon, there is a brawl in two different bars or something that makes no sense and the night is very blue.

Yeah, this thing is horrible as not only was it made on the cheap, it also is incoherent as all get out. They focus on the family and you think they are the main characters, then it shifts over to the sister of the sister/brother duo. I almost suspect they were wanting to make an adult film, but none of the females wanted to get naked and have sex with their male costars so they just made a horrible werewolf movie instead.

So I would advise not hunting this film down as you will not be in for a treat. I find it baffling that this scores a 3.2 here on IMDB as it is much worse than films that rank lower. If I had to take a guess, more than a few family and friends of the film gave the film a high score due to their love for their family; however, it should be noted that I would have given this thing a two if I could have at least seen the girl that went after the son topless.

• Year: 2018
• Released: 27 Apr 2018
• Country: Turkey
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8776902/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/bizum_usaklar
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: Turkish
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Comedy
• Runtime: 97 min
• Writer: Cuma Ugurlu
• Director: Cuma Ugurlu
• Cast: Yakup Yavru, Aysegül Kaygusuz, Hasan Kidikoglu
• Keywords:

1.6/10

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• Year: 2007
• Released: 07 Aug 2007
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1023347/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/universal_soldiers
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: Not Rated
• Genre: Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
• Runtime: 85 min
• Writer: Geoff Meed, David Michael Latt
• Director: Griff Furst
• Cast: Kristen Quintrall, Dario Deak, Jason S. Gray
• Keywords:

1.6/10

Universal Soldiers Storyline

The U.S. government initiates a program to create genetically-modified cybernetic super soldiers, but it goes awry when the test subjects escape from their holding cells. Set on an island in an undisclosed location.

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Universal Soldiers Movie Reviews

It doesn’t get much worse than this

I was unlucky enough to run across a screener for Universal Soldiers.

IMDb doesn’t offer a low enough rating for this direct-to-video turkey, and even Kristen Quintrall’s frequent near-display of her rather ample charms in a tank top doesn’t help it out.

In a done-before scenario of a mixed group of military, CIA and civilians trying to overcome impossible odds and live through the story, we get a trite little tale that’s all too predictable. We’re presented with a cast of characters who between them can’t come up with a single likable entity, bad acting, horrendous dialog that’s poorly delivered (mostly at a screeching shout), mediocre special effects and an overall waste of time. And talk about exotic location…the entire (mostly outdoor) flick was probably shot on less than six acres of semi-arid, hilly land.

In fact, the one thing this painfully bad “movie” has going for it is that it’s blessedly short at an hour and 24 minutes including ego screens at the beginning and credits at the end. Do yourself a favor.

Go watch paint dry, or grass grow.

You’ll get more pleasure out of it.

the Asylum strikes again

For those that think that the Asylum only puts out crappy Z-rated excruciatingly bad horror films, like such stinkers as “Halloween Night”, “Massacre at Cutter’s Cove”, and “Snakes on a Train”, you’d be dead wrong as they also put out crappy Z-rated excruciatingly bad sci-fi films like this one. Despite the title, this has absolutely NO relation to the Universal Soldier films, and owes much much to Predator and terminator (not to tarnish either of those two classics by comparison trust me). Anyways in this putrid little number, a group of the most highly ineffectual members of the military since “Hills have Eyes 2” are stalked by the lamest looking Borg-wanna be cyborgs that I’ve ever seen. Most of the film the enemy is off-screen, substituted by lame-ass predator-vision so it relies on the characters whom are all cliché boring cardboard cutouts that you truly don’t care if they live or die. The ending in particular is so laughably atrocious that one can’t help but feel their brain liquefying just by viewing it.

My Grade: F

Very Low Budget!

In a half hearted attempt to continue the Universal Soldier franchise but move away from the well established role for Jean Claude Van Damme, this film has been made.

The director uses the old cliché of “don’t show the monsters” a great deal during this film. We are presented with a group of human soldiers, Scientists and a Special Agent, they are low on ammo and up against an unknown enemy. One of the scientists who helped create them is killed and for soldiers low on ammo they blast away merrily at a target they can hardly see with no regard to ammo levels.

The group are gradually killed one by one (another old cliché in this kind of film). We are told these soldiers are Marines (so why are some of them women and how come their Lt has NO idea how to carry a rifle? Oh, and Marines NEVER leave their dead behind, it’s a very long standing tradition in the Corps.) In a later scene the Lt is on the radio to another squad of “Marines” (I say it in inverted comma’s because they have THE worst radio Com’s procedures I’ve ever heard, swearing every 3rd or 4th word).

You can tell this is a really low budget production from the no-name cast and the really cheap mainly outdoor near no-where locations. None of the “Marines” wear anything that identifies them as Marines or any rank insignias. They are just in cheap camouflage gear.

Most of the group are in constant hysterics or on the verge of an anger breakdown. Pretty bad discipline for “Marines”.

The really bad continuity when they are having firefights against the (unseen) enemies, watching the rifles suddenly have BFA’s (Blank Firing Attachments) appearing then disappearing as quickly when the firing stops. ( I noticed this in every scene rifles were fired, regardless of who was firing them, it shows no armorer was employed to teach weapon safety or handling).

Eventually after about the 300th row between the Marines and the Scientists (or it just felt like that many to me) the group splits, another scientist is killed (his injury should have been MUCH worse if it were from a shotgun at such close range, another sign of low budget – no money for gore).

We are then told one of the Universal Soldiers is a shape-shifter. As for the Lt giving the order “Fall out, Fall out”? I think he meant stand-to. Didn’t he even know THAT basic bit of terminology? Now these Universal Soldiers are pretty much nothing like the previous films. They seem to be cyborgs or genetically created people to be Super Soldiers. Not reanimated corpses of previously dead soldiers.

We are constantly shown an electronic HUD style view (a bit like Predator but not as pretty) which I assume is how the Universal Soldiers are supposed to see, this is another way for the director to allow his bad guys to not be seen. When they are seen, they are seen to move very quickly or are partially obscured by other objects, we never get a good long look at one of them.

In any good look at them you see their costumes are cheap and nasty looking, real B movie stuff. Ed Wood would have been proud of them. Really awful white face make-up and metallic style facial plates to add to the cyborg impression. Oh, and a question? For a man with no bullets about 2 minutes earlier, how did Joe fire his pistol at the rock? When we do finally get our 1st good long look at one of the Universal Soldiers he looks like a very cheap bad rip-off of a Borg from Star Trek. Joe manages to get into the computer bunker, kills the one Universal Solider that hadn’t been finished (yes, his empty gun fired even more shots!)

The final sequences of this movie where they are defending a door (obviously with NO glass in it!) to reboot the system to shutdown the Universal Soldiers is so bad it’s funny! Having called for help and going to meet a chopper with 14 minutes left of the film you know there is still at least 1 big scare left to come.

Obviously it turned out to be they weren’t all shutdown and the one you thought Joe had killed wasn’t dead. The script kept re-using lines from Predator (including the infamous “one ugly mother” line).

Kate’s battle with Skylar (the best and most sophisticated of the Universal Soldiers) is laughable. The great goof is that the “wooden” stake she’s stabbing him to death with manages to bend, showing to be made of anything but solid wood. While Kate is cleaning herself up in a nearby stream some Terminator style looking robot is coming online somewhere on the island. It’s hard to tell the scale of the robot but from how it picks up and throws a telegraph pole I assume it’s a giant robot!

Clearly it’s entirely CGI (and is what we were watching during the opening titles I finally realized!) and all the budget was spent on it. It’s chasing her towards some electrical generating station in what seemed to be a predictable death to come. Which it was!

Of course the lone female escapes alive to debrief her commanders and the records of her dead friends are erased from the Marines computers. The film even plays out on the old Predator end title music!

• Year: 2007
• Released: 07 Aug 2007
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1023347/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/universal_soldiers
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: Not Rated
• Genre: Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
• Runtime: 85 min
• Writer: Geoff Meed, David Michael Latt
• Director: Griff Furst
• Cast: Kristen Quintrall, Dario Deak, Jason S. Gray
• Keywords:

1.6/10

Universal Soldiers Storyline

The U.S. government initiates a program to create genetically-modified cybernetic super soldiers, but it goes awry when the test subjects escape from their holding cells. Set on an island in an undisclosed location.

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Universal Soldiers Movie Reviews

It doesn’t get much worse than this

I was unlucky enough to run across a screener for Universal Soldiers.

IMDb doesn’t offer a low enough rating for this direct-to-video turkey, and even Kristen Quintrall’s frequent near-display of her rather ample charms in a tank top doesn’t help it out.

In a done-before scenario of a mixed group of military, CIA and civilians trying to overcome impossible odds and live through the story, we get a trite little tale that’s all too predictable. We’re presented with a cast of characters who between them can’t come up with a single likable entity, bad acting, horrendous dialog that’s poorly delivered (mostly at a screeching shout), mediocre special effects and an overall waste of time. And talk about exotic location…the entire (mostly outdoor) flick was probably shot on less than six acres of semi-arid, hilly land.

In fact, the one thing this painfully bad “movie” has going for it is that it’s blessedly short at an hour and 24 minutes including ego screens at the beginning and credits at the end. Do yourself a favor.

Go watch paint dry, or grass grow.

You’ll get more pleasure out of it.

the Asylum strikes again

For those that think that the Asylum only puts out crappy Z-rated excruciatingly bad horror films, like such stinkers as “Halloween Night”, “Massacre at Cutter’s Cove”, and “Snakes on a Train”, you’d be dead wrong as they also put out crappy Z-rated excruciatingly bad sci-fi films like this one. Despite the title, this has absolutely NO relation to the Universal Soldier films, and owes much much to Predator and terminator (not to tarnish either of those two classics by comparison trust me). Anyways in this putrid little number, a group of the most highly ineffectual members of the military since “Hills have Eyes 2” are stalked by the lamest looking Borg-wanna be cyborgs that I’ve ever seen. Most of the film the enemy is off-screen, substituted by lame-ass predator-vision so it relies on the characters whom are all cliché boring cardboard cutouts that you truly don’t care if they live or die. The ending in particular is so laughably atrocious that one can’t help but feel their brain liquefying just by viewing it.

My Grade: F

Very Low Budget!

In a half hearted attempt to continue the Universal Soldier franchise but move away from the well established role for Jean Claude Van Damme, this film has been made.

The director uses the old cliché of “don’t show the monsters” a great deal during this film. We are presented with a group of human soldiers, Scientists and a Special Agent, they are low on ammo and up against an unknown enemy. One of the scientists who helped create them is killed and for soldiers low on ammo they blast away merrily at a target they can hardly see with no regard to ammo levels.

The group are gradually killed one by one (another old cliché in this kind of film). We are told these soldiers are Marines (so why are some of them women and how come their Lt has NO idea how to carry a rifle? Oh, and Marines NEVER leave their dead behind, it’s a very long standing tradition in the Corps.) In a later scene the Lt is on the radio to another squad of “Marines” (I say it in inverted comma’s because they have THE worst radio Com’s procedures I’ve ever heard, swearing every 3rd or 4th word).

You can tell this is a really low budget production from the no-name cast and the really cheap mainly outdoor near no-where locations. None of the “Marines” wear anything that identifies them as Marines or any rank insignias. They are just in cheap camouflage gear.

Most of the group are in constant hysterics or on the verge of an anger breakdown. Pretty bad discipline for “Marines”.

The really bad continuity when they are having firefights against the (unseen) enemies, watching the rifles suddenly have BFA’s (Blank Firing Attachments) appearing then disappearing as quickly when the firing stops. ( I noticed this in every scene rifles were fired, regardless of who was firing them, it shows no armorer was employed to teach weapon safety or handling).

Eventually after about the 300th row between the Marines and the Scientists (or it just felt like that many to me) the group splits, another scientist is killed (his injury should have been MUCH worse if it were from a shotgun at such close range, another sign of low budget – no money for gore).

We are then told one of the Universal Soldiers is a shape-shifter. As for the Lt giving the order “Fall out, Fall out”? I think he meant stand-to. Didn’t he even know THAT basic bit of terminology? Now these Universal Soldiers are pretty much nothing like the previous films. They seem to be cyborgs or genetically created people to be Super Soldiers. Not reanimated corpses of previously dead soldiers.

We are constantly shown an electronic HUD style view (a bit like Predator but not as pretty) which I assume is how the Universal Soldiers are supposed to see, this is another way for the director to allow his bad guys to not be seen. When they are seen, they are seen to move very quickly or are partially obscured by other objects, we never get a good long look at one of them.

In any good look at them you see their costumes are cheap and nasty looking, real B movie stuff. Ed Wood would have been proud of them. Really awful white face make-up and metallic style facial plates to add to the cyborg impression. Oh, and a question? For a man with no bullets about 2 minutes earlier, how did Joe fire his pistol at the rock? When we do finally get our 1st good long look at one of the Universal Soldiers he looks like a very cheap bad rip-off of a Borg from Star Trek. Joe manages to get into the computer bunker, kills the one Universal Solider that hadn’t been finished (yes, his empty gun fired even more shots!)

The final sequences of this movie where they are defending a door (obviously with NO glass in it!) to reboot the system to shutdown the Universal Soldiers is so bad it’s funny! Having called for help and going to meet a chopper with 14 minutes left of the film you know there is still at least 1 big scare left to come.

Obviously it turned out to be they weren’t all shutdown and the one you thought Joe had killed wasn’t dead. The script kept re-using lines from Predator (including the infamous “one ugly mother” line).

Kate’s battle with Skylar (the best and most sophisticated of the Universal Soldiers) is laughable. The great goof is that the “wooden” stake she’s stabbing him to death with manages to bend, showing to be made of anything but solid wood. While Kate is cleaning herself up in a nearby stream some Terminator style looking robot is coming online somewhere on the island. It’s hard to tell the scale of the robot but from how it picks up and throws a telegraph pole I assume it’s a giant robot!

Clearly it’s entirely CGI (and is what we were watching during the opening titles I finally realized!) and all the budget was spent on it. It’s chasing her towards some electrical generating station in what seemed to be a predictable death to come. Which it was!

Of course the lone female escapes alive to debrief her commanders and the records of her dead friends are erased from the Marines computers. The film even plays out on the old Predator end title music!

• Year: 2013
• Released: 21 Aug 2017
• Country: United States
• Adwords: 4 wins & 8 nominations
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2578608/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/Krampus_The_Christmas_Devil
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• Genre: Action, Horror, Thriller
• Runtime: 82 min
• Writer: Jason Hull
• Director: Jason Hull
• Cast: Jay Dobyns, Paul Ferm, Andrew Ferrick
• Keywords: christmas, santa claus, devil,

	1.6/10
	16% – Audience

Krampus: The Christmas Devil Storyline

Jeremy, a local police officer leads a life of a confusing past, spending his current time searching for his kidnapper as a child. After other children begin missing, Jeremy pieces together the truth and realizes that his childhood kidnapper could be a creature of ancient yuletide lore, Krampus, who is the brother of St. Nick, and punisher of children who perform acts of unspeakable evil without repercussion. Can Jeremy kill Krampus and prevent more missing children?

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Krampus: The Christmas Devil Movie Reviews

Not Even Bad Enough to Be Accidentally Funny

Krampus: The Christmas Devil (2013)

In the very same week that saw director Michael Dougherty’s trailer for the Adam Scott/Toni Collette starrer Krampus (2015) take off on the internet I suddenly received this screener evidently being rush-released on retail in the UK to cash-in by the title character association. For those of you that didn’t know Krampus is Santa Claus’ evil brother according to ancient mythology. Whereas his chubby sibling takes to dishing out presents to the good boys and girls of the world, Krampus is about dishing out punishment to those children that have been naughty. In this, director Jason Hull’s third film, Krampus takes the form of punishment to the more extreme, he doesn’t just punish them he kills them too.

Back in 1983 one such child, Jeremy (Jared Sidun), manages to escape Krampus. Years later Jeremy is a police officer (now played by A.J. Leslie). Jeremy is tormented and hell-bent on killing the monster who fortunately happens to have concentrated his efforts in Jeremy’s neck- of-the-woods again. If that wasn’t enough to trouble for our hero, he soon learns that the beast has his eyes on Jeremy’s daughter. There’s also the niggling matter of a recently released felon Brian Hatt (Bill Oberst) that seeks vengeance for Jeremy having incarcerating him.

At its very best Krampus: The Christmas Devil is an ill-conceived mess that’s not even so bad as to be funny. It’s so bad it actually hurts you to watch it. There’s awful oversights in plotting for the convenience of plotting. Also quite why no one has been able to locate our titular demon is rather astonishing given that he seems to move at a remarkably slow pace – the sort of pace that even someone with riddled with chronic arthritis through both legs would even manage to out walk – and he carries out most of his victim kidnapping in the plain sight of day in populated locations. And yet no one seems to know where he is. Just look out of your window. There he is. Seriously!

Surely there are naughty kids the world over for Krampus to put a grisly end to but alas no, he seems to be concentrated on this dull little place in the middle of nowhere rather than taking his efforts globally. Perhaps he’s just lazy. And what constitutes being a naughty child? Well apparently having a hissy fit during a game of Monopoly is enough for a snot-nosed brat to labelled a naughty child and added to Krampus’ hit list.

Krampus seems rather tame compared to his ‘brother’ Santa Claus who cusses and rages with an anger sadly lacking in our title character. But then everything in this flick is here for shock effect rather than reason undermining what passes for a plot and reducing the flick to a collection of barely amateur performances that pain you to sit through. And what’s with Krampus’ hands? As Krampus traces his fingers upon a victim they bend up, just like an ill-fitting glove bought from a bog standard fancy dress shop, because, yes, that’s exactly what they are. Genre favourite Bill Oberst Jr. has a small role in the film but it’s yet another appearance by an otherwise competent actor in a below standard flick that is chipping away at his former solid career track record.

Krampus The Christmas Devil is yet another title that has been afforded great reviews on-line that it doesn’t merit effectively discrediting the purpose of effective criticism. If the reviews have been written by friends of the director then I will insist that they write his next flick for him as their writing is rather more effective than his own.

Check out more of my reviews at www.mybloodyreviews.com

Devilish naughty list

‘Krampus: The Christmas Devil’ drew me into seeing it, with a cool poster/cover, an intriguing if not particularly original premise and as someone with a general appreciation for horror. That it was not high-budget, which from frequent personal experience is rarely a good sign due to that there are so many poor ones out there, made me though apprehensive as well as the low rating and poor reviews.

It is sadly however yet another film seen recently, hence some reiteration because the exact same strengths and flaws those films have are present here, that to me was incredibly disappointing considering its potential which it doesn’t do anywhere near enough with. ‘Krampus: The Christmas Devil’ is terrible, with a plethora of enormous problems. Generally Krampus films (especially low budget ones) have not fared well and ‘Krampus: The Christmas Devil’ does nothing to change that. There is next to nothing to recommend.

Lets start with the sole positive. The setting is atmospheric and spooky.

Unfortunately, it is not done justice by the rather direct to video schlocky way it’s shot and edited and the drab colour palette, so much so it was hard to appreciate it, it was very clear that the film was made in a rush with no care or enthusiasm. In particular, the camera work was a nauseous assault on the eyes with its excessive amateurish-ness.

Going on further to the negatives, the story does feel paper thin, disjointed and over-stretched and some of it feels vague, under-explained in the last third where the film especially became duller, more predictable, more senseless and less scary. Too many characters are too sketchy and with nowhere near enough to make one want to endear to them. Their annoying and illogical decision making and behaviours frustrates.

Making the film feel bland and forgettable with not enough heart put into The sound quality is obvious and utilised cheaply (being too loud in the build ups and people’s reactions) and it’s best not mentioning the uniformly lumbering and histrionic acting that shows a huge indifference to the situation and what is going on and extremely awkward prolonged pauses.

Dialogue can be stilted and rambling, with lots of clichés, lots of unintentional humour that makes some of the film play like a really bad spoof and no depth whatsoever, while the pace goes to a standstill very quickly and drags on forever with very little going on worth caring about and useless padding, never recovering. The minimal action wouldn’t have mattered so much if the character development was present or engaging, instead not enough is learnt about the characters, the exposition is too heavily relied upon and is neither interesting or illuminating, actually dragging things down. Found too many of the supposedly shocking moments not surprising or scary and the supposedly creepy atmosphere dreary, due to the excessive obviousness, a lot of dumb and vague moments and explanations and the lack of tension and suspense. Would not have minded the lack of originality (the film is extremely derivative and in a dumbed and watered down way) if the story and atmosphere were at least alright in execution, in reality they were both very poorly done.

A lot of ‘Krampus: The Christmas Devil’ has underdeveloped plot elements and often nonsensical and confusing character motivations, while too many of the things to make you jump or shocked are far from creative or scary and are pretty tame. The ending didn’t satisfy and felt anaemic and the whole thing felt like an over-stretched-to-beyond-breaking-point short film.

There is not enough threat, and what there is of it tends to be used poorly, is just as poorly designed and so laughably done it doesn’t frighten at all. The film is completely unimaginative and more odd than creepy, completely failing to show any sense of horror or creativity. Everything here is neither creative, suspenseful or nail-biting. Some badly sagging momentum too. The direction is leaden and like their heart was not in it or ill at ease, with the chemistry between the characters and actors coming over as constantly random and aggressive with the subtlety of an axe. The Christmas spirit is completely lost underneath all the gratuity, dreariness and mean-spiritedness and the deaths are neither creative or scary with a complete lack of suspense or sense of horror.

Overall, awful with no redeeming value apart from an element that is difficult to appreciate with it being complemented so badly. 1/10 Bethany Cox

Christmas with the Kramps

Seems several indie companies are trying to get ahead (or profit from) the release of the upcoming big-budgeted “Krampus,” so they have managed to produce one bowel movement after another. The other review I read of this piece of garbage kinda’ says it all: you’ll have to go some distance to find ANY movie that’s worse than this one.

It seems Krampus only comes around on Christmas Eve. He has until Midnight to do his dirty work, i.e. collecting all the BAD boys and girls who have misbehaved before Christmas. He then finds them, puts them in a gunny sack, and does various and sundry things to them. Why the naked girl with huge boobs was in his lair still has me scratching my head, but I digress.

Where on earth do people get funding for this garbage? If you want to do a movie about a demon who’s (get this) Santa Clause’s brother, can’t you find an interesting plot line somewhere along the way? Could you at least have them at loggerheads over what one of them is doing? Not here. Santa Clause is shown ogling the naked woman with big boobs before he manages to cop a feel. What a wonderful message to any kid who might see this: Guess what, honey? Santa Clause is really a foul-mouthed pervert.

This s*it stain of a movie is awful, and if IMDb had a “zero” star rating, this would certainly get one. Rated “R” and not recommended for children or pre-teens. This is trash, pure and simple.

• Year: 2011
• Released: 11 Feb 2011
• Country: United States
• Adwords: 2 wins & 6 nominations
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1702443/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/Justin_Bieber_Never_Say_Never
• Metacritics: https://www.metacritic.com/movie/justin-bieber-never-say-never
• Available in: 720p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: G
• Genre: Documentary, Music
• Runtime: 105 min
• Writer: N/A
• Director: Jon M. Chu
• Cast: Justin Bieber, Boyz II Men, Miley Cyrus
• Keywords: duringcreditsstinger, aftercreditsstinger, canada, prayer, pop singer,

	1.6/10
	52/100
	65% – Critics
	65% – Audience

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never Storyline

The camera follows Justin Bieber (1994- ) during the ten days leading up to his August, 2010, sold-out show at Madison Square Garden. Footage of these ten days of concerts, rehearsals, and down time with boyhood friends, his mom, and his entourage is inter-cut with home movies, old photos, and interviews showing a musical prodigy who loves to perform, comes to the attention of an Atlanta agent via YouTube, impresses Usher, and rockets to international stardom soon after his 15th birthday. His manager emphasizes the importance of social media and of Justin’s work ethic and personality in making him a star; the camera emphasizes Bieber’s look. His mom and grandparents shine.

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Justin Bieber: Never Say Never Movie Reviews

Terrible!

I’m not even a Justin Bieber hater (though that kind of surprises me because he is the exact type of thing I usually rail against on my blog) but I feel like I need to take a 12 hour shower after watching this useless, horrible disgusting piece of “entertainment” with my sister. Yeah I like to hang out with my sister and we BOTH wanted to go see this movie thinking we’d at least get a laugh. Boy was I wrong, this was just awful. His performance is terrible, it’s as if this vain little pubeless kid thinks all he has to do is stand there and let 10 year old girls scream at his stupid haircut. The songs are terrible, there’s a few attempts to create visual spectacle of some sort but all of it is just awful and pointless. LOL to the reviewer who referred to him as “Miss Bieber” that’s awesome. Way more entertainment out of that one joke than I got out of this entire pointless vain movie that’s for sure.

Self Gratification at it’s worst!

Right so everyone here on IMDb is pretty much committed to giving this “movie”(if you can call it that) 1 out of 10 to get it to no.1 on the bottom 100 list. Trust me, they’re right.I went to see it because I knew there was no way I could criticize this movie without seeing it.However, the film lacks any artistic merit whatsoever. It is full of the latest and greatest pop sensations of the Youtube generation, but all these names and flashy lights are just stuffing in the under cooked turkey that is this show.At the heart of this presentation is the message to never give up on your dreams, however the whole movie is just Bieber smiling, looking pretty and grooming his lesbian hair, and as mentioned in previous reviews, the theater was full of tween girls screaming their heads off every time he inhaled or exhaled. Someone really needs to teach the modern generation about cinema etiquette, or at least tell them to shut up for 10 seconds. I honestly don’t know what this movie was trying to do besides earn money and add a few more accolades to the stars names. In short this movie is just pointless.The 3D also sucks.

Pointless and not an enjoyable experience

This review is not coming from someone who is giving this film(if you call it a film as such) a 1 because I haven’t seen it and I hate Justin Bieber. This review is coming from someone who did see the film, aiming to give an honest judgement and to keep open-minded. I love music and I love film, but Justin Bieber: Never Say Never came across to me as pointless and I just didn’t enjoy the experience.

I did not like how Never Say Never was shot. The photography was shoddy and sometimes went at odd angles, and the lighting got so much I finished the film with a very bad headache, which still hasn’t gone away. I do agree about the 3D, I not only found it unnecessary I also found it distracting. It also doesn’t help that the 3D wasn’t- like the annoying narration- actually that good in the first place, in fact it was really quite bad.

The music and Justin Bieber are also major problems. Not Justin Bieber as a person mind you, when I saw him performing on television at Christmas he seemed quite down-to-earth, hard-working, honest and not too full of himself. I just hate his music and I have never liked his singing either. His singing is for me rather forced and flat, and his music especially Baby has me switching off the radio quicker than you can say “Santa Claus is Comin’ To Town”. As for the music with exception of the lyrically powerful Born to be Somebody the songs suffer from dull melodic writing and uninspired lyrics that made me think hang on I’ve heard this before.

I’m sorry to say, Bieber didn’t impress me very much either. As I’ve said, I have never liked his singing or music. However, he does have a commanding presence on stage. But… I don’t think here he is in particularly good voice, the singing is still flat and forced for my liking and his acting did nothing for me. I also hated the audience. During the concert scenes, the screaming often got so loud that it was almost impossible to hear the vocals or lyrics, and this audience if this was humanly possible is more annoying than any of the audiences for those trashy talk shows(ie.Jerry Springer, Maury). Granted, people love that and do it for the atmosphere, what I’m saying is that it isn’t for me. Also as part of my autism, I do have problems with sudden loud noises so while I hated the audience when it came to seeing the film, being in the audience I think would have upset me more.

The story’s structure and message didn’t do much either. I didn’t mind that the story was part biopic, part concert feature, but the biopic stuff does come across as superficial and contrived and I think some of it slows the film down quite considerably. The message is a follow your dreams message, I have no problem with the message itself, it’s just that it is not a very fresh one and feels very overly-didactic in the way it is put across in this film. The dialogue at best is really bad, some of it is cheesy and some of it is cloying, while the direction is wretched. The acting is subpar, Bieber’s acting is worse than his singing and Jaden Smith while okay has a hardly credible persona. In fact, the sole bright spot in the cast is actually Miley Cyrus, which surprised me as I cannot stand her.

In conclusion, this film comes across as pointless and I just didn’t enjoy it. Bieber fans will like it, otherwise it isn’t really worth it. 1/10 Bethany Cox

• Year: 2014
• Released: 27 Feb 2014
• Country: Australia
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3030970/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/ninja_immovable_heart
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: Not Rated
• Genre: Action, Drama
• Runtime: 97 min
• Writer: Rob Baard
• Director: Rob Baard, John Balazs
• Cast: Rob Baard, Roger Neave, Danny Glover
• Keywords: ninja,

1.6/10

Ninja Immovable Heart Storyline

Reeve is a member of an elite covert group thought not to exist anymore, he is captured, beaten and brutally tortured, by the very Governments he used to work for. With the help of his old mentor John Carpenter, Reeve must strip away, and rid himself of the emerging demons of his past, so that he may understand the core essence of Ninjutsu, the Ninja’s Immovable heart, in order to remember how and why he was captured, and what he is meant to do, before time runs out and his captors discover why he is really here.

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One inner hero not worth awakening

Like what was said in my recent review for ‘The Secret Village’, this is in no way intended to sound hate-filled or like a reviewer who hates everything review. Quite the contrary. Am actually a fair reviewer with a love of film of all decades, genres and regardless of what the budget is. IMDb’s lowest possible ratings are very rarely given out by me, and also have no bias against low-budget films, there are watchable, and even good, ones out there.

‘Ninja Immovable Heart’ is another example of not being one of those watchable or good low-budget films. Instead another example, and perhaps even an even worse one (if that was humanly possible), of being one of the worst ever examples to me. One of the worst films recently viewed for me and among the worst ever. Again another case of me being serious and genuine, not being malicious. Malice has never been intended in any of my reviews, regardless of how strongly worded some of them are.

It’s a cheap looking film visually, especially in the insultingly cheap (even for low budget) special effects and in the action scenes. Regarding the action scenes they are too few, and those that are in the film are very unexcitingly choreographed and chaotically edited.

The script is cheesy, stilted and didn’t even feel like one that was properly organised let alone structured. There is nothing tense, suspenseful, fun or urgent about the paper thin, pedestrian and muddled story.

In ‘Ninja Immovable Heart’ none of the characters are intriguing or relatable, the direction is non-descript and the acting is dire. The use of Danny Glover is one of the worst wastes of any actor in any film.

The least bad thing about ‘Ninja Immovable Heart’, and the only thing that feels like some degree of effort has been put into it, is the music. Not exactly memorable, but at least it didn’t sound cheap or ill-fitting.

Overall, awful. 1/10 Bethany Cox

Indie sci-fi, Aussie-style

NINJA: THE IMMOVABLE HEART is an indie science fiction action flick from Australia. It’s mostly of interest for featuring a cameo for poor old Danny Glover, stuck in one of those desk-bound video-link roles for a couple of minutes tops. Mostly this is the usual badly-shot nonsense taking place in the dark, with a bunch of characters running around and badly emoting. The action is poorly shot and mostly takes place at the climax, with some ridiculously weak pole fighting. A certain visual glossiness is the only redeeming value here.

Fragmented, warped, illogical, made no sense.

Today a friend and I decided to watch this film. I expected it to be bad, but I could not imagine how bad it was. There was a very loose impossible to follow story line that kept jumping all over the place. Half the movie was watching some old bloke lecture the “ninja” about stuff that just didn’t matter. The special affects were atrocious, the script childish, and the acting the worse I have ever seen. I understand the budget was most likely small, but the only positive was the fact after 1:40:37 the film finished. I am totally shocked this film was released and somebody financed it. The best way I can describe it is a a jumble of clichés thrown into a washing machine and a cameo poorly done by Danny Glover to try and give this eyesore some sort of credibility. I will never watch this again and I warn others not to waste your time. If I could have scored it in the negatives I would have.

• Year: 2015
• Released: N/A
• Country: Canada, United States
• Adwords: 1 win & 1 nomination
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4255252/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/female_werewolf
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• Genre: Horror
• Runtime: 65 min
• Writer: Chris Alexander
• Director: Chris Alexander
• Cast: Carrie Gemmell, Shauna Henry, Cheryl Singleton
• Keywords: werewolf,

1.6/10

Female Werewolf Storyline

Lost in a fever of sexual delirium, a mentally unstable woman begins to believe she may be turning into a monster.

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Total lack of imagination

Microscopic budget which I’m sure is due to lack of competence. We see a woman sitting at a table while play with her noodles and staring at a wall, walking down a hallway into bath with only a view of the tile floor and her feet, staring into a mirror, walking up a stairway, making copies, two women staring at each other in an office with no dialogue, and a panning shot of two doorways that lasts over a minute of screen time. Artsy? No just lack of imagination and skill.

Hello

A woman imagines (?) she is having sex with other women and then kills them with her fangs…like a vampire? This is an artsy film because it opens with classical music, uses a lot of colored filters, and we see plenty of film of a drain (sink and tub/shower). At twenty-eights minutes into the film we have the spoken words, “hello” to answer the phone, but other than that everyone is mute.

Guide: No swearing or nudity. One scene of pretend female oral sex. I would think this would have a very small niche.

nothing to see and boring

Just came across this flick by seeing the advertisement poster which looked old school exploitation. Perfect example how people can be tricked by posters.

Clocking in just over an hour even then it's way too long. We follow a girl who thinks she's going to become a werewolf and falls for her female colleague. So far for the story.

The flick itself is extremely slow. It should have horror elements as it is being sold as a horror but it hasn't any. On part of the lesbian thing going on there are parts were in slo-mo you see both girls having oral sex but with their clothes on.

There aren't any real effects, just the teeth which reminded me more of a vampire in stead of a werewolf. It tries to be mysterious and erotic but fails completely. For example why go to a fridge at your own place if you know it's empty…it's towards the end that the transformation takes place into a werewolf but cheaply done and too much slo-mo

Gore 0/5 Nudity 0/5 Effects 0/5 Story 0,5/5 Comedy 0/5

• Year: 2016
• Released: 04 Oct 2016
• Country: United States
• Adwords: 3 wins & 6 nominations
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3527772/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/krampus_the_devil_returns
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: Not Rated
• Genre: Action, Horror, Thriller
• Runtime: 83 min
• Writer: Jason Hull, A.J. Leslie
• Director: Jason Hull
• Cast: Shawn C. Phillips, R.A. Mihailoff, Darren Barcomb

	1.6/10
	18% – Audience

Krampus: The Devil Returns Storyline

Five years after the murder of his wife and disappearance of his daughter, former police officer Jeremy Duffin is brought back to help in the hunt for a yuletide monster that punishes children that have been “naughty.” As the monster becomes more erratic and unpredictable, Jeremy learns the truth about the disappearance of his daughter and the fate that has been bestowed upon him by an unlikely source. Can Jeremy finally end the nightmare Christmas monster that has terrorized this town for years?

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Krampus: The Devil Returns Movie Reviews

Devillish yuletide

‘Krampus: The Devil Returns’ drew me into seeing it, with a cool poster/cover, an intriguing if not particularly original premise and as someone with a general appreciation for horror. That it was low-budget, which from frequent personal experience is rarely a good sign due to that there are so many poor ones out there, made me though apprehensive as well as the low rating and poor reviews.

It is sadly however yet another film seen recently, hence some reiteration because the exact same strengths and flaws those films have are present here, that to me was incredibly disappointing considering its potential which it doesn’t do anywhere near enough with. ‘Krampus: The Devil Returns’ is terrible, with a plethora of enormous problems. Low budget Krampus films have not fared well and ‘Krampus: The Devil Returns’ is one of the worst examples. There is next to nothing to recommend.

Lets start with the sole positive. The setting is sometimes atmospheric and spooky.

Unfortunately, it is not done justice by the rather direct to video schlocky way it’s shot and edited and the drab colour palette, so much so it was hard to appreciate it, it was very clear that the film was made in a rush with no care or enthusiasm. In particular, the camera work was a nauseous assault on the eyes with its excessive amateurish-ness.

Going on further to the negatives, the story does feel paper thin, disjointed and over-stretched and some of it feels vague, under-explained in the last third where the film especially became duller, more predictable, more senseless and less scary. Too many characters are too sketchy and with nowhere near enough to make one want to endear to them. Their annoying and illogical decision making and behaviours frustrates.

Making the film feel bland and forgettable with not enough heart put into The sound quality is obvious and utilised cheaply (being too loud in the build ups and people’s reactions and dreadfully recorded) and it’s best not mentioning the uniformly lumbering and histrionic acting that shows a huge indifference to the situation and what is going on.

Dialogue can be stilted and rambling, with lots of clichés, lots of unintentional humour that makes some of the film play like a really bad spoof and no depth whatsoever, while the pace goes to a standstill very quickly and drags on forever with very little going on worth caring about and useless padding, never recovering. The minimal action wouldn’t have mattered so much if the character development was present or engaging, instead not enough is learnt about the characters, the exposition is too heavily relied upon and is neither interesting or illuminating, actually dragging things down. Found too many of the supposedly shocking moments not surprising or scary and the supposedly creepy atmosphere dreary, due to the excessive obviousness, a lot of dumb and vague moments and explanations and the lack of tension and suspense. Would not have minded the lack of originality (the film is extremely derivative and in a dumbed and watered down way) if the story and atmosphere were at least alright in execution, in reality they were both very poorly done.

A lot of ‘Krampus: The Devil Returns’ has underdeveloped plot elements and often nonsensical and confusing character motivations, while too many of the things to make you jump or shocked are far from creative or scary and are pretty tame. The ending didn’t satisfy and felt anaemic and the whole thing felt like an over-stretched-to-beyond-breaking-point short film.

There is not enough threat, and what there is of it tends to be used poorly, is just as poorly designed and so laughably done it doesn’t frighten at all. The film is completely unimaginative and more odd than creepy, completely failing to show any sense of horror or creativity. Everything here is neither creative, suspenseful or nail-biting. Some badly sagging momentum too. The direction is leaden and like their heart was not in it or ill at ease, with the chemistry between the characters and actors coming over as constantly random and aggressive with the subtlety of an axe. The Christmas spirit is completely lost underneath all the gratuity, dreariness and mean-spiritedness and the deaths are neither creative or scary with a complete lack of suspense or sense of horror.

Overall, awful with no redeeming value apart from an element that is difficult to appreciate with it being complemented so badly. 1/10 Bethany Cox

Get your horns on straight

This is a sequel to the Krampus filmed in Erie. Pa….most likely the one you haven’t seen. In any case Krampus is snatching kids and beating and killing them for doing things like stealing lunch money and playing video games. Santa helps the Krampus. Jeremy Duffin (A.J. Leslie) comes out of retirement to hunt them down.

The film is low budget. The acting and script are not good and neither is the sound and camera work. It is a bad amateur film all around.

Guide: F-word, sex, nudity. Cat fight that could have been better.

Just pathetic

What a waste of time. I would also say talent but none exists here.

• Year: 2016
• Released: 04 Oct 2016
• Country: United States
• Adwords: 3 wins & 6 nominations
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3527772/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/krampus_the_devil_returns
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: Not Rated
• Genre: Action, Horror, Thriller
• Runtime: 83 min
• Writer: Jason Hull, A.J. Leslie
• Director: Jason Hull
• Cast: Shawn C. Phillips, R.A. Mihailoff, Darren Barcomb

	1.6/10
	18% – Audience

Krampus: The Devil Returns Storyline

Five years after the murder of his wife and disappearance of his daughter, former police officer Jeremy Duffin is brought back to help in the hunt for a yuletide monster that punishes children that have been “naughty.” As the monster becomes more erratic and unpredictable, Jeremy learns the truth about the disappearance of his daughter and the fate that has been bestowed upon him by an unlikely source. Can Jeremy finally end the nightmare Christmas monster that has terrorized this town for years?

Krampus: The Devil Returns Play trailer

Krampus: The Devil Returns Photos

Krampus: The Devil Returns Torrents Download

Krampus: The Devil Returns Subtitles Download

Krampus: The Devil Returns Movie Reviews

Devillish yuletide

‘Krampus: The Devil Returns’ drew me into seeing it, with a cool poster/cover, an intriguing if not particularly original premise and as someone with a general appreciation for horror. That it was low-budget, which from frequent personal experience is rarely a good sign due to that there are so many poor ones out there, made me though apprehensive as well as the low rating and poor reviews.

It is sadly however yet another film seen recently, hence some reiteration because the exact same strengths and flaws those films have are present here, that to me was incredibly disappointing considering its potential which it doesn’t do anywhere near enough with. ‘Krampus: The Devil Returns’ is terrible, with a plethora of enormous problems. Low budget Krampus films have not fared well and ‘Krampus: The Devil Returns’ is one of the worst examples. There is next to nothing to recommend.

Lets start with the sole positive. The setting is sometimes atmospheric and spooky.

Unfortunately, it is not done justice by the rather direct to video schlocky way it’s shot and edited and the drab colour palette, so much so it was hard to appreciate it, it was very clear that the film was made in a rush with no care or enthusiasm. In particular, the camera work was a nauseous assault on the eyes with its excessive amateurish-ness.

Going on further to the negatives, the story does feel paper thin, disjointed and over-stretched and some of it feels vague, under-explained in the last third where the film especially became duller, more predictable, more senseless and less scary. Too many characters are too sketchy and with nowhere near enough to make one want to endear to them. Their annoying and illogical decision making and behaviours frustrates.

Making the film feel bland and forgettable with not enough heart put into The sound quality is obvious and utilised cheaply (being too loud in the build ups and people’s reactions and dreadfully recorded) and it’s best not mentioning the uniformly lumbering and histrionic acting that shows a huge indifference to the situation and what is going on.

Dialogue can be stilted and rambling, with lots of clichés, lots of unintentional humour that makes some of the film play like a really bad spoof and no depth whatsoever, while the pace goes to a standstill very quickly and drags on forever with very little going on worth caring about and useless padding, never recovering. The minimal action wouldn’t have mattered so much if the character development was present or engaging, instead not enough is learnt about the characters, the exposition is too heavily relied upon and is neither interesting or illuminating, actually dragging things down. Found too many of the supposedly shocking moments not surprising or scary and the supposedly creepy atmosphere dreary, due to the excessive obviousness, a lot of dumb and vague moments and explanations and the lack of tension and suspense. Would not have minded the lack of originality (the film is extremely derivative and in a dumbed and watered down way) if the story and atmosphere were at least alright in execution, in reality they were both very poorly done.

A lot of ‘Krampus: The Devil Returns’ has underdeveloped plot elements and often nonsensical and confusing character motivations, while too many of the things to make you jump or shocked are far from creative or scary and are pretty tame. The ending didn’t satisfy and felt anaemic and the whole thing felt like an over-stretched-to-beyond-breaking-point short film.

There is not enough threat, and what there is of it tends to be used poorly, is just as poorly designed and so laughably done it doesn’t frighten at all. The film is completely unimaginative and more odd than creepy, completely failing to show any sense of horror or creativity. Everything here is neither creative, suspenseful or nail-biting. Some badly sagging momentum too. The direction is leaden and like their heart was not in it or ill at ease, with the chemistry between the characters and actors coming over as constantly random and aggressive with the subtlety of an axe. The Christmas spirit is completely lost underneath all the gratuity, dreariness and mean-spiritedness and the deaths are neither creative or scary with a complete lack of suspense or sense of horror.

Overall, awful with no redeeming value apart from an element that is difficult to appreciate with it being complemented so badly. 1/10 Bethany Cox

Get your horns on straight

This is a sequel to the Krampus filmed in Erie. Pa….most likely the one you haven’t seen. In any case Krampus is snatching kids and beating and killing them for doing things like stealing lunch money and playing video games. Santa helps the Krampus. Jeremy Duffin (A.J. Leslie) comes out of retirement to hunt them down.

The film is low budget. The acting and script are not good and neither is the sound and camera work. It is a bad amateur film all around.

Guide: F-word, sex, nudity. Cat fight that could have been better.

Just pathetic

What a waste of time. I would also say talent but none exists here.

• Year: 2018
• Released: 30 Aug 2018
• Country: United States
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8879926/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/a_raunchy_christmas_story
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: TV-MA
• Genre: Comedy
• Runtime: 72 min
• Writer: Jeremy Biltz, Maria Biltz, Monica Biltz
• Director: Maria Biltz, Monica Biltz
• Cast: Chris Andersen, Tanya Anderson, Jeremy Biltz
• Keywords: christmas, christmas party, bakery science,

1.6/10

A Raunchy Christmas Story Storyline

A group of pre millennials arrange a secluded Christmas party to put the romance back into a friend’s life. Unbeknownst to them an investigative journalist and a soviet spy are among the guests.

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A Raunchy Christmas Story Movie Reviews

Don’t waste your time!

I felt like this movie was a bunch of teenagers who got ahold of their parents’ camera. I kept watching in hopes it would get better and now all I can think is what a waste of time!

It’s a Low Budget Story. Lighten Up.

You need to approach watching this movie from the standpoint of knowing it’s a low-budget movie, made by a bunch of people who just wanted to make a movie. Don’t expect Hollywood talent, costumes, locations, sound, photography. They’re not there. What is there is some occasionally very funny lines and campy humor, along with bad audio, inconsistent lighting, and questionable acting. It’s fun to put yourself in the place of these actors, doing this for the love of film rather than having expectations of greatness. It reminds me of stuff we I did in high school.

Not Christmassy, Not raunchy. Not good.

Title says it all, can’t believe I watched it. The youths probably put a lot of effort in though so fair play.

• Year: 2020
• Released: 30 Mar 2020
• Country: United Kingdom
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10944744/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_escape_from_auschwitz
• Available in: 720p, 1080p, 720p
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: TV-MA
• Genre: Drama, War
• Runtime: 80 min
• Writer: Bradley Coker
• Director: Terry Lee Coker
• Cast: Elliot Cable, Paul Joseph Bonnici, Alex Reece

1.6/10

The Escape from Auschwitz Storyline

After capturing Kazimierz Piechowski at the Hungarian border, he is sent to Auschwitz where he is forced to move corpses from the gas chambers to the crematorium.

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The Escape from Auschwitz Movie Reviews

When bad B movies are better than this…

Not sure if I ever seen an all around worse “movie”. Made it 5 min into it,skipped ahead to the 30 min mark and that lasted 10 seconds then 60 then just closed it altogether.

We have to tell the world

This is a slow moving film with a dreary gray background. No real character build up. I was bored. He wanted to tell the world about Auschwitz and surprise, the allies knew and didn’t seem to care. Keep you fast forward close by.

The movie was just downright horrible…

Well, I must admit that with a movie title such as “The Escape From Auschwitz” and it being made in 2020, and having a fairly interesting-looking cover, I must admit that I had some expectations to this movie from writer Bradley Coker and director Terry Lee Coker.

But wow, this was utter rubbish. There were so many things wrong with this movie that it just made for a laughable attempt at making a movie.

First of all, the fact that it appears that the movie is shot in someone’s cleared out living room was just atrocious. And the horribly added CGI in the background was just laughable at best. It made for such a bad viewing experience that I swore my eyes would begin to bleed.

Then there was the fact that there was no sense of this taking place in an abysmal and God awful place as Auschwitz, the movie-makers just utter managed to avoid making it have that feel what-so-ever. I guess it was the laughable CGI that did the majority of that, and the fact that the movie had just bad locations for filming.

And the fact that everyone in the movie spoke English, wow. Seriously? In 2020? They didn’t even bother to opt for the Germans to speak English with a stereotypical movie German accent. Nah, they just spoke plain and proper English. This fully and wholly stole away so much creditability and believability from the movie. A war movie or a Holocaust-based movie need to have authenticity, and that is something that “The Escape from Auschwitz” didn’t have. Believe me.

The acting in the movie was lukewarm and shoddy, as if the actors themselves weren’t fully committed to the movie project. It showed on the screen and it made for less than believable characters.

What worked somehow in the movie was the costumes; at least the German uniforms looked adequate. However, the clothes that the Jewish prisoners wore was just too clean, and the make-up department had just failed in making it look like the Jewish prisoners were starved, broken, beaten down and miserable. And that was also something that stole away from the authenticity of the movie.

“The Escape from Auschwitz” is without a doubt the worst of World War II and Holocaust-based movies that I have yet stumbled upon. I should have had checked the movie’s rating on IMDb before I delved into it and sat down to watch it.

My rating of the 2020 movie “The Escape from Auschwitz” lands on a one out of ten stars. Yeah, this movie is that bad. Avoid it if you have any proper interest in the World War II events, because this movie is not worth the time, money or effort.

• Year: 2018
• Released: 01 Apr 2019
• Country: United States
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8363908/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/horndogs_beach_party
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: TV-MA
• Genre: Comedy, Romance
• Runtime: 79 min
• Writer: Mike Reeb, Dan Wilder
• Director: Dustin Ferguson, Henrique Couto
• Cast: Neveen Woods, Shudan Wang, Jared K. Admave

1.6/10

Horndogs Beach Party Storyline

Two best friends rent a beach house for the weekend only to discover it’s been double booked so they’ll have to share the place – with two beautiful women. To win the affection of these gorgeous gals our wannabe studs must throw the best beach bash ever to win the legendary Horndogs Beach Party. However a nosy neighbor and some selfish dude-bros have sabotage on their minds. Will our heroes win the girls’ hearts? Can this be the greatest beach party ever? What time is the wet t-shirt contest? All will be revealed.

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Horndogs Beach Party Movie Reviews

No Redeeming Features

I tried with this flick, but the only thing that kept me awake was hitting the “10 seconds forward” on my screen.

Sadly, a shocker.

What can a group of stoners get up to when given a video camera?

About the same thing a group of pre-school children could do – lots of completely useless video sequences, utterly ridiculous blabbering, and lots of really stupid noises.

Unless your name’s Beavis or Butthead, give this steaming pile a VERY wide berth. There’s not enough caustic soda in the known universe to wash the stench out of your senses.

Wow. Horrible movie.

I had the misfortune of watching this movie with some friends, it’s really really bad. From looking at the picture, title, and description I knew it was trash before watching it and I was absolutely correct. Don’t waste your time or money, there are a lot of other ‘bad’ films that are better than this, if that’s your thing. This movie was so bad that I kept thinking about how humanity could’ve done something- ANYTHING- else with the funding for this project and come out ahead in a multitude of ways. Like, we could just make a video of a lady in a bikini throwing that money into a bonfire and it would’ve done more for culture and art than this, certainly it would’ve been more entertaining for everyone and would’ve been closer to the truth about what was actually done with the funds SoCal paid to make this. At least we could feel good about life afterwards, not like the shame for the human race I felt after watching Horndogs Beach Party. This movie would’ve been greatly improved with the addition of brain eating zombies or a chain saw murderer. I felt sorry for everyone involved in it’s making, like, incredible pity that they were so hungry this film was the best they could do to earn a living. I’m imagining these artists (actors, crew etc) have a dream to work in film, and this is what they had to do to get themselves to a place where they can actually create something someday that would be at the very least entertaining. That makes me incredibly sad.